• How is your spouse dealing with your illness?

    Asked by lanie516 on Saturday, May 31, 2014

    How is your spouse dealing with your illness?

    I think my husband has been in denial about the seriousness of pancreatic cancer until recently. He has been minimizing it to me and telling me I'm negative when I tell him the truth about this illness and the statistics. He doesn't like when I cry and get feeling down but he's the only one around when I'm starting to feel blue and sorry for myself. Should I avoid showing him how I feel and cry alone or to a good friend? Is it being selfish to show him my true feelings? When he gets stressed out he gets angry and that stresses ME. I was just wondering how other spouses, especially husbands, are handling this.

    25 Answers from the Community

    25 answers
    • CAS1's Avatar

      But I am bitter towards my husband sometimes too..but I do tell him and he admitts that he is not good at caregiving and he feels sorry about it.

      But Russ gives such a good point..every day we must try and live with a purpose. Cancer has brought me a sence of urgency and priority and one of those is not to hold anger.

      I just refuse to let myself hold onto anger. I don't have time.

      Just read an article from a study that says that people who have gone through cancer treatments have lost 10-15 years of their life from the treatments.

      None of us have time for anger and resentment..Sit down and tell your spouce or partner exactly what you need and if they dont do it then you have to find the support elsewhere.

      If they dont do chores then let those chores go...Do they really matter?

      Let it go and do what makes you happy with a purpose.

      Everyday there are new breakthoughs in medicine none of us know the future.

      over 5 years ago
    • Qsommer34's Avatar

      Older post, don't know if anyones still following, but what real and honest responses. I am a caregiver, a wife, and I know for a FACT that the hardest part for my husband, with this dreadful dx, is the thought of me without him.

      We were young parents so our 2 daughters are both out of the house and well established. Though not in this state. We'd recently relocated and have no 'close' friends, only acquaintances... fair weather friends at best. Intermittent church goers but many of them have been very thoughtful with well wishes and sometimes food. I am an only child and his brothers and sisters are all more then 200 miles away. Without him I'm very much 'alone.' But he never wanted this for me.. I talked early on about my fears but it upset him so much I've reserved my outbreaks for the poor 'acquaintance' that ask me 'How are you holding up?' Spontaneous breakdown ensues.

      Financially I have NO IDEA how I'd make it alone. Silly us, no life insurance and too young for Soc Security. Add the emotions and BOOM. Again, there's nothing he can do about it.. I've leaned heavily on the Serenity Prayer and this most definitely falls into the 'Accept the things I cannot Change' dept.

      over 5 years ago
    • Russ' Avatar

      Hello Elaine, It has been so long since I wrote you, and when your name came up I was wondering how you are doing. I can remember when you said that you hoped to become a one year survivor. Well I believe you past one year quite some time ago, and it will be 2 years this upcoming August. Good for you! How about your latest scans...what do they show? Any treatments lately? Please let me know how you are doing...my best to you Elaine.

      almost 5 years ago

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