• How often do you hear people around you say you do not want to get old?

    Asked by laredosam1 on Thursday, October 22, 2015

    How often do you hear people around you say you do not want to get old?

    have elderly relatives that keep complaining about their aches and pains, and will turn to me and say you do not want to get old, duh i would relish the idea of knowing that i will grow to be old, and yes they are aware that i have cancer

    14 Answers from the Community

    14 answers
    • ikedo's Avatar
      ikedo

      Wow I find myself guilty of saying that to someone young open my eyes now ill take the annoying aches and stiffness it lets me aware I'm alive

      over 4 years ago
    • Molly72's Avatar
      Molly72

      I don't know how old you are Sam, but I am. My mental capabilities are the same as when I was
      30 or 40, but my bodily functions feel around 90!
      And it aint easy!
      There are aches & pains & stuff you would never even imagine you can't physically do anymore.
      I sure as [email redacted] do not relish getting any older, so please quit saying that you relish growing older.
      You just might get what you wish for.

      over 4 years ago
    • laredosam1's Avatar
      laredosam1

      yes at my age i can not do the stuff that i did 20 years ago or 15 for that. but i have to say that i wish to grow old to see my children and grand children and hopefully great grand children reach milestones. i know that i will not be as spry and will have aches and pains, but i will be a live and sharing times with my loved ones. when i was 20 or 30 did not ever think that i would not be able to have the energy or the stamina that i had then, as certainly do not have that amount now, but have to live every day as it is my last, and try to find something good to say or do for someone else. i have had a huge eye opener with this dx and see that life really can be short. so enjoy and embrace the time that i have and hope for recovery and an a long fruitful life

      over 4 years ago
    • TXHills' Avatar
      TXHills

      My Dad is 84 and often says inappropriate things and sends very inappropriate emails. I usually delete them without opening now. For example, he was recently encouraging me to drink, even through I have Stage IV cancer with multiple tumors in my liver. I wrote him a note about that one, explaining how hurtful it was.
      Research shows that aging brains have changes which can lessen inhibitions and take the brakes off good judgment, so elders can say some offensive things, even to those they love. They kinda can't help it, so be patient and let it roll off your back, if you can.

      over 4 years ago
    • laredosam1's Avatar
      laredosam1

      i have to aunts that are 88 and 95 they both have health issues pretty major, but they continue to work at their churches, and volunteer at the hospital, and volunteer at the schools, both are still able to drive, and live in the homes that they always have. i hope to fashiion myself after them and my parents, who are just like they are. They say that with life there will always be good days and bad days, just make the most out of everyday that you have, and remember that tomorrow will bring another day, maybe better maybe worse but it is another day to live and to hope and to live,

      over 4 years ago
    • GranEM's Avatar
      GranEM

      Well it is like this: my goal has always been to be around for my grands. At 73 I used to be at 70 doing things I could do at 50. Stairs/packing up houses/doing power walks/playing games outside w/the grands. Steps were not a problem. So to that end - I felt I would feel that way forever. Doesn't work that way - at 73 although the wishes are still all there - cancer and its treatments have made it so - I am no longer the person I used to be even 3 years ago. Your body changes, your knees begin to bother you and you can no longer play tennis! That is a tough one. But as long as I can continue to drive, take care of myself, play w/the grands although differently than before, I am good. The toughest part of getting older is realizing one day that your body does not work the way it used to. Most of all though - I think it defines our own mortality. My mom was 92 when she passed away - and she passed away when she could no longer stand because of severe knee problems. But mentally dementia set in. It is getting dementia is the reason why I do not want to get old. I have seen loved ones in Nursing homes. I have told my son - if I get dementia - take me out back and shoot me! Otherwise I am still good! and I am to do my best everyday to not give in.....I still design web pages and I can still sew - I am good! My mom had phrase - What happened - this is supposed be "Golden Years" - well - this is pretty XXX rusty where I stand.......

      over 4 years ago
    • rebelkate's Avatar
      rebelkate

      I had one person say this to me since cancer stuff started - I responded honestly - yes I do want to get old, since even surviving cancer, my life expectancy is now about 30 years shorter than most. The person was close enough to me to get what I was saying and adjusted what she said - that I didn't want to be so achy. I agreed, and then complained a little about the chemo aches and pains - if someone is going to complain to me, then I will take the opportunity to get some of my complaints out. For some people, it stops their complaints, and for others it has given me an outlet for complaints without feeling guilty.

      over 4 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      The thing is that illness and worry get you there faster.

      over 4 years ago
    • NNN's Avatar
      NNN

      I always hear it and never connected it to my cancer, after all, it is true that when we get old, our joints hurt and that's why it's a good thing to exercise and stay fit and eat healthy so we feel better....I wouldn't be that sensitive because some people don't mean harm but they don't know how to say things in a diplomatic way...

      over 4 years ago
    • Molly72's Avatar
      Molly72

      Many have written about the possibility of annoying & expected little aches & pains of old age.
      Others have said that we should exercise and eat right to keep them away. Perhaps we won't be as spry as we are when young.... no more chasing that tennis ball or those wild grand-kids at full tilt.

      Let's all hope that when the big 65 or 70 or even 75 hits you, that's all the problems you might have. I will not even delve into the horrors of dementia.
      Some of you just might be in for the surprise of your old age! I sure was.

      Those "little" aches & pains are life-changing. Your joints are not just a little stiff in the morning, they sometimes fuse permanently, the pain is an unrelenting hot poker. Then you get your joints replaced.... if you have good insurance & if you have a family to care for you in recovery, if not, maybe you end up in some lousy nursing home.
      Maybe you can't walk without a walker or cane. Forget tennis or golf. Just going to the grocery is a chore. If you have a car & can still drive.
      Some folks wind up with eye problems, some lose their hearing, that old cancer might re-appear, the list goes on.
      Oh, are you financially fit? I hope so!

      So, please, do not take old age lightly, it ain't for sissies.

      over 4 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I have heard that, too. Isn't it sad that people lose their will to live?

      I have to say, if the quality of my life falls to the point that i can no longer do anything I enjoy and where i hurt horribly and/or my mind ceases to work, i may also not wish to grow old (although old is relative!!! I no longer consider early 70s old at all!!!)

      over 4 years ago
    • rebelkate's Avatar
      rebelkate

      Sometimes it's not so much the comment as who it is coming from. There are those who say such things and you know it's a jest, or just a way for them to deal with pains that can be pretty bad. Then there are those who say it because they need to have something to complain about. My mother has to have things to worry about - it's an annoying part of her personality. I love her - I deal with it most of the time - but sometimes she reads something or starts talking to me about something related to my cancer and I have to cut her off - I just can't take it. There are people who are the chronic complainers - with nothing really bad to complain about - and are probably the types who these particular comments grate so much. This convo reminded me of a friend.

      I have a friend from high school who has had serious medical issues her entire life - when she got pregnant, something happened and she lost her leg during the beginning of the pregnancy - and it was very touch and go if she would lose the baby. Meanwhile, as people were gathering for baby shower (for a child we still weren't sure was going to survive), a woman at the shower spent the whole time complaining about different little aches and pains and other minor annoyances. I didn't know the woman or how she was connected to my friend - but finally my friend took her fake leg off, put it on the table, and told the woman if she couldn't change her attitude she would be asked to leave. I often look to my friend when I'm struggling with how to deal with all this :D Some people need wake up calls - others can just be tolerated :D

      over 4 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      I think most people are just making conversation or trying to be funny, so I'm not bothered by hearing it.

      Of course, as cancer patients we all want to live longer, but have you ever thought that aging is God's way of getting us ready for our next life? (making us ready to move on to a new body)

      over 4 years ago
    • Rthompson's Avatar
      Rthompson

      I have one for you. My husband's grandmother and I were having a discussion at a Christmas gathering two years ago. Now I had been diagnosed just 2 years prior to this with stage IV, terminal cervical cancer; a fact she was well aware of. And, although I was, and remain, NED at the time, I had just undergone another major surgery which had resulted in a near fatal sepsis infection. Now, she had just been diagnosed with emphysema, the result of years on non-stop smoking but was not yet on an oxygen machine. Anyway, she turned to me and asked..".I wonder what the two of us did to deserve all of this?" Followed by a " I wonder which of us will win the race to the grave?" I was completely caught off guard. Now, having been a runner in my former life (precancer) Now, I am not typically one with the great quips, but this time I was ready and without batting an eye told her that if she was running a race to get to the grave, I would be happy to concede. I planned to run this particular race like the tortoise...very slow and steady...she could be the hare if she wanted. Not sure if she understood my reference, but everyone else did and I got a few sly winks. There is nothing about her that makes me believe she was doing it to be hurtful. I think she saw us in similar "conditions" and was trying to share in that similarity. Or, perhaps, she was trying to make conversation drawing on the conditions as a topic of discussion. I, on the other hand, tend to NOT talk about my cancer. I refuse to give it the satisfaction. lol

      It does not necessarily have to be elderly people who say the inappropriate things. I have heard all sorts from all types. This is where it would be to my benefit to be quick on the comeback, but most of the time I give an insincere smile and try to stir the conversation in another direction. Just do not take it personally, or if possible, use a good one liner or two, to get your point across and move on. Eventually, they will get the hint and stop. If not, just avoid these people as much as possible. That tends to work, too.

      over 4 years ago

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