• How to be caregiver?

    Asked by cllinda on Tuesday, March 20, 2018

    How to be caregiver?

    My husband took care of me through cancer and a stomach thing. Now he has had surgery and I am realizing how hard it is to be a caregiver. He had his left shoulder surgery after months of therapy and now I have to do things like tie his shoes, button his pants and other things. Any helpful hints would be appreciated.

    10 Answers from the Community

    10 answers
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      His physician would have explained to him what to expect during recovery so, hopefully he'll be okay with the temporary limitations; just tell him to let you know when he needs your assistance and that's all you can do.

      6 months ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      Just do what you can and make light of these little chores, if possible.

      Remember this is the dude you chose out of all others so touching him is pleasure.

      You dont need to breathe for him, please remember. Ask him flat out what, if anything else, is needed. Remind him that you love him as often as possible.

      Always take some time for yourself, even so.

      This, too, will pass.

      6 months ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I turned into caregiver for my husband after he had quadruple bypass surgery. I just did what he asked me to do ... I'm not sure what hints you are seeking??

      6 months ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      Communicate. Don't automatically assume.
      Example: My partner often needs me to bring her a "concoction" (usually a mix of water, Nutrament, coffee, and salt), but it's not always the same formula. It depends.

      Carve out time to meet your own needs.
      Example: I won't compromise my workouts unless absolutely necessary. I exercise at home, so if it's necessary I know pretty quickly. But for me, exercise is crucial for self-care.

      Detach.
      This is much, much easier said than done. If my partner lashes out I repeat to myself, "Just let her talk," unless it's something I need to act on. Usually it means she's just tired or frustrated and it blows over fairly quickly.

      Breathe.
      "One day at a time" doesn't cut it. It's one nanosecond at a time. Even five minutes on my porch for respite can do me a world of good.

      Have faith in yourself.
      Denise Brown, founder of caregiving.com, has a great line: "You are enough." That doesn't mean you shouldn't ask for help when applicable. It means you are doing the best you can. Try not to let self-doubt consume you.

      Find what works for you.
      Journaling helps me tremendously. It lets me vent, brainstorm, and is also a form of meditation. I also keep a running file of questions and issues for medical professionals, for both my partner and myself. Even if I've just seen a doctor and a question comes up that I want to ask "next time," I add it to the file then and there, so I don't forget.

      6 months ago
    • SandiA's Avatar
      SandiA

      I have been the patient and the caregiver. I think being the patient was easier. I was one of my moms caregivers. I mainly just tried to be there. Sit and listen to her, and help her the best I could.

      6 months ago
    • cak61's Avatar
      cak61

      His doctor may be able to order home physical therapy, if he's not already receiving that, and they can provide tips on how to safely perform tasks.
      Guard your back.
      You can find videos on YouTube that are helpful for certain tasks as well.
      Take care.

      6 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      I think the hardest part is having to do things that he would usually do himself, like buckling his seat belt, and things like that.
      He is learning not to question my driving, which can get my nerves.
      And he can do simple things like make himself breakfast, which helps.
      And I just pray for patience every day. It's just so hard sometimes.

      6 months ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      Since his is shoulder surgery and we don't know exactly what, I would suggest you call his physician's office or nurse and ask how long he'll need help.

      It sounds like you are stressed or tired! Could you ask your family or friends to help you for an afternoon(s) or even a weekend to go out of town?

      Does anyone know if he would qualify for Medicare Respit in a Rehab Center/Nursing Home to give her a break? (That's when a Medicare patient goes for one day or more to give the Caretaker a break.) If you can pay for Respit, you could contact a Rehab Center to arrange it.

      Some towns also have Senior Day Care.

      6 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      I had thought this month was going to be really hard but as days go on, its not as bad as I thought. He is doing a lot on his own and just really needs me for things like tying shoes, buttoning his pants and other little things. And he is keeping a good attitude about it all, which helps so much!

      6 months ago
    • mofields' Avatar
      mofields

      Caregiving is hard! I've been on both sides too. Glad things are going better for you.

      6 months ago

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