• how to converse with persons who say "this is your fault"

    Asked by zoomdots on Monday, November 19, 2012

    how to converse with persons who say "this is your fault"

    mean spirited persons whom i can not return the same

    16 Answers from the Community

    16 answers
    • ticklingcancer's Avatar

      You don't. First of all, this is not your fault. Second, that's a pretty inconsiderate, crappy thing to say to someone dealing with cancer. As if you don't have enough on your plate as it is. Surround yourself with positive people that are willing to help you out at every turn. Attitude is everything and you yourself can't maintain a positive attitude if you're surrounded by stupidity. People just don't think before they speak sometimes. Hang out on WhatNext as much as you can. We'll do everything we can to lift your spirits and make this as easy of a process as we can. We'll talk you through your treatment".

      over 8 years ago
    • Nancebeth's Avatar

      Just like TC said, you don't. I have had people tell me I got cancer because I eat too much bacon, or a I eat grilled food, or whatever. Those people are not in my life anymore.

      over 8 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar

      I agree with TC and Nancebeth. Walk away. There's not much between that and pistols at 20 paces. :-)

      over 8 years ago
    • mcowett's Avatar

      I am finding that people really just don't know very much about cancer TREATMENT and what all is involved. And Cancer is scary. I would try to view these insensitive people as ignorant rather that just mean spirited. That's what they are; "stupid is as stupid does" That leads to how to converse with stupid people? Unless you are jacked up on steroids and have some energy to spare to educate them, I say just walk away, leave the area, don't participate. Not your problem today.

      over 8 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar

      On second thought; tell them (or think it if you can't say it), "At least I have cancer. That can be treated and cured. There's no cure for stupidity. You'll be dumb 'til you die."

      over 8 years ago
    • lynn1950's Avatar

      Anyone who would say "this is your fault" to a cancer patient has a truckload of emotional problems. I would just walk away. There is no point in responding negatively - that will only come back to bite you. Let it go and feel sorry for the poor, ignorant soul.

      over 8 years ago
    • Okiegrandma's Avatar

      There's just no accounting for stupid people. My first inclination is to say"are you xxxxxxx nuts". However, that is not appropriate for many people, like in-laws. You should just laugh in their face, say, "surely you must be kidding," and walk away laughing. Laughter cures a lot of things. Just consider their comment to be a gigantic absurdity.

      over 8 years ago
    • FreeBird's Avatar

      Even if you eliminated all the known risks in your behavior, and did everything you knew how to do with regard to prevention, you can still end up with cancer.

      I think this is really their problem, not yours. I'm going to guess that this person does the same thing with other things besides cancer. We live in such a guilt-filled culture too, where someone always has to be blamed for something it seems.

      I think I would say, "You're right. This was my aim all along to make cancer. I finally reached my goal. Yay! See how awesome I am? Now I do not want it anymore, and I'm going to get rid of it. So let's focus on where we are now, and where we're going." You have enough problems without internalizing their problems. You're not going to change their psychology overnight. People are going to be people. Just helping them see that their thinking is absurd is enough.

      over 8 years ago
    • cancervivor's Avatar

      The world is full of idiots, and we are not legally allowed to shoot them. So, we have to put up with them. But...they are still.....idiots.

      over 8 years ago
    • Lirasgirl33's Avatar

      People who say this kind of crap are jerks. The saying "In one ear, out the other" would apply to this. Don't EVER let anyone make you feel like this is your fault. It's not. Ignorant and mean people exist all over the world. Just distance yourself from them. Hold on to those that lift you up. Hugs.

      over 8 years ago
    • JennyMiller's Avatar

      I was told that it was the Diet Coke. If you listen to these comments, you can actually acquire some guilt for your lifestyle which only adds to your overloaded emotional state. You just have to look at all the people who live the perfect lifestyle and are in excellent shape --- who have also gotten cancer -- and be confident and firm when you respond to the comments with "You are mistaken in your theory!!-- and I am sorry that you felt the need to say that to me!"

      over 8 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      Why on earth would you want to converse with such persons?

      over 8 years ago
    • PaulineJ's Avatar

      I was told that I don't look like I'm having radiation.lol! It's like saying that I'm lying.How am I suppose to look anyway?
      I also was told by someone that it was my lifestyle that caused the cancer.They live more healthy than me so they don't have the chance of having cancer. :)

      over 8 years ago
    • savingrace's Avatar

      Obvisouly there are some people who don't follow the old saying, "when you don't know what to say, say nothing". Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people, they are the ones who help you through tough times. When you do come in contact with the "ones who don't know any better" do a nice little chuckle and walk away.

      over 8 years ago
    • Blepta's Avatar

      Try to avoid negative people. This is good advice all the time, but is especially important now while you are going through illness and treatment. If you can't avoid the person, I find an effective comback to be: "Be very thankful that you are unable to understand what I am going through. I pray that you never have this experience."

      over 8 years ago
    • SandiD's Avatar

      Where did they get their medical degree? An inlaw gave me a book claiming people get cancer when they turn away from God. Seriously? I just threw it away & never mentioned it. I know better and so do you. Don't put up with that nonsense. Tell that person you are surrounding yourself with only positive talk to help you heal & you would appreciate their support. Otherwise you need to stay away from negative people. Who needs that? Not you. Good luck!

      over 8 years ago

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