• How to handle anger of patient

    Asked by Blondiebl on Thursday, July 10, 2014

    How to handle anger of patient

    My Mom was just diagnosed June 2014. She is stage 4 and has irritability, anger, and frustratiioin. Im her daughter and taking care of her is a hard job! She refuses chemo as it wont help her at this point. Does everyone go thru this?

    14 Answers from the Community

    14 answers
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      She needs antidepressants and she needs them immediately! If not for her quality of life, at least for yours! Please talk to her oncologist about this and get his or her help. If she doesn't want to take them, because she probably won't....have her oncologist speak to her and talk her into it. They will give her a better quality of life and after all there is nothing more depressing than a cancer diagnosis but having stage IV cancer is devastating psychology even if it is treatable. I know, I have it. But she must be feeling so much fear and frustration to know that she is dying and she really needs help now handling it. I am so sorry that you are going through this! Hugs!!! Take care and God bless!

      over 5 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      Has she contacted Hospice YET....very Helpful.....more than you can imagine.
      ALSO....has she been proactive in any Nutritional WAY?
      Maybe she can improve the quality of her life and maybe even get healthier.
      Healing is the key!!
      Barry

      over 5 years ago
    • Hussy's Avatar
      Hussy

      Antianxiety medication may also be a good idea.

      over 5 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      No one reacts pleasantly to a prediction of one's own demise. Hope is a better idea. Let her have some along with something to do. If conventional treats won't assist, look outside of the box. Check into graviola, into Chaga mushroom extract, into black cumin seed and more alternative protocols. What, BTW, has suddenly changed that you must care for your Mom? Has she also become to tired to do for herself? Perhaps it is an idea to check out Mom's "bucket list" and see what you guys can do together that she has always wanted to do but couldn't get around to doing because she was caring for you.

      Best wishes ..

      over 5 years ago
    • FreeBird's Avatar
      FreeBird

      Most importantly is not to take it personally and internalize it. Remember that it's the cancer talking. Advanced cancer can cause some of the mental/behavioral changes. Tell her you love her, and try to bring positivity in-- talk about happier things so it's not 100% cancer all the time. Direct the focus of the conversation. Put some enjoyable things to look foward to on the calendar, even if it's just renting a movie and eating junk food.

      If she has stopped treatment, she should ask the doctor to start hospice care as soon as possible. They have a social worker, clergy, and medical care that can talk to her or give her medication to help her deal with anxiety. They bring all the medications right to the door.

      You might feel unappreciated sometimes if you don't hear it, but you are appreciated and doing the right thing. Remember that she is in charge of her care. Let her call the shots, put as much power into her hands to enable her to do the things she enjoys doing to whatever extent possible.

      http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/end-of-life

      Best wishes to your family.

      over 5 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      Hey Freebird....anybody can call Hospice.....even the Patient....

      over 5 years ago
    • RachaelC@StF's Avatar
      RachaelC@StF Community Outreach Coordinator 317-528-7794

      I am so sorry you are struggling with this. People have weighed in with some great advice so far - the only one thing that I will add is that if you do bring in hospice care, it would be good to get her doctor invovled as he/she has to state that your mom as 6 months or less left to live before hospice is approved.
      Calling in hospice does not mean she has to stop fighting - if she decides that she wants to start chemotherapy up again, she could and would come out of hospice. Palliative care can then be helpful if she does begin treatment again.
      God bless you and your family.

      over 5 years ago
    • FreeBird's Avatar
      FreeBird

      When we called, we were told we'd need a doctor's order to start hospice, for the reason [email redacted] mentioned. There are also different hospice organizations here. So I drove to take a look at each one to help make an informed decision. We picked the one that had a nicer facility in case it was needed.

      over 5 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      MOST Hospice is at your own home.
      The Hospice can contact your Doc for the info.
      Have them come out to the House....they take care of everything.
      AND YES....you can't take anymore poison and burning BUT you can Do a Radical Shift in Diet......Do your research. Hospice and then try and get Healthy....it sounds like an oxymoron but it is NOT....Sometimes just stopping the horrid treatments and getting pain relief and Pastoral Counseling can have a soothing effect on the Patient AND the family. Start Veggie Juicing and get a bunch of anti cancer supplements and PLANT FOODS....mostly raw...

      over 5 years ago
    • FreeBird's Avatar
      FreeBird

      That's true, most hospice is at home. However, a couple times things degraded to where they offered to take dad to the facility to see if they could sort things out there. He said he wanted to be at home. If not at home, then I wanted to see where to make sure it was comfortable, even if it seems silly. They had a nice fountain, and garden, and comfortable rooms for patient and family to be there.

      over 5 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      I hope you have hospice set up. They can help the whole family deal with this crisis. My mother had hospice 1.5 years ago, and they kept her real comfortable. They weren't real good communicating with the family, as we didn't even know when the end was near. You both need some help because it sounds like this came up suddenly and you haven't had time to accept the diagnosis, let alone the prognosis.

      over 5 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      Patient anger at caregivers is not uncommon. (I'm a caregiver as well as a patient.) As FreeBird said, it's the disease talking. I have had to learn to detach emotionally (easier said than done; I'm still working on it) for the sake of my own health. The caregiver is the one who is on-site 24/7. We are also a physical reminder to the patient of what (s)he has lost. Anger can also be a way of fighting against one's sense of powerlessness, which makes it a (sometimes maladaptive) survival mechanism.

      I have found these caregiver support sites to be very helpful:

      http://www.caregiving.com -- very active grassroots network. Holds #carechat tweet chats on alternate Sunday nights at 8 PM Eastern. I believe the next one is on July 20.

      http://thecaregiverspace.org/ -- another excellent grassroots network.

      http://www.caregiver.com -- more corporate than the other two but also a good source of support. Sponsors one-day Fearless Caregiver Conferences across the US, free to family caregivers.

      You and your mom are also both dealing with a brand new and very serious diagnosis and everything is raw at this point. Both your reactions are natural. One book that helped me when a very dear friend was in the late stages of cancer was Elizabeth Kubler Ross's "On Death And Dying," because it gives an in-depth treatment of emotional reactions. It helped me come to grips with what I was feeling.

      over 5 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      Anger is perfectly natural at this point, You will probably experiance a lot of anger also. If you are a member of a church get in touch with your pastor. My church has a healing ministry, made up of medical professionals. They visit the sick and provide counsel. Check out the social workers at your Medical Center. I definately second the suggestion that you read "On Death and Dying"

      over 5 years ago
    • Judt1940's Avatar
      Judt1940

      Hospice can give her a patch that will calm her down. My aunt had dementia and was very angry. It's so hard to deal with a difficult patient. They can wear you down. Get help.

      over 5 years ago

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