• DJZ's Avatar

    How to prepare 74 year old mom, pre-surgery (home set up) additional help, etc.?

    Asked by DJZ on Thursday, April 7, 2016

    How to prepare 74 year old mom, pre-surgery (home set up) additional help, etc.?

    Helping my mom from another state.

    13 Answers from the Community

    13 answers
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      If you are far away there is little you can do except stay in contact and show her the love which you feel for her.

      It will help, even if she is too sick to answer the phone, she will listen to the messages and be cheered.

      The oncologist ought to be arranging for a nurse to come to monitor her. If affordable, an aide who cares is a great luxury.

      Maybe later you can take some time and go for a visit? In truth, I would suggest a visit before this all begins ..

      Best wishes

      over 5 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Is there anyone who can go help Mom? Or, can you go visit for a few days? Take some food, take her to her appointments, etc.?

      I feel bad for you, trying to do everything from a distance.

      over 5 years ago
    • gonewest's Avatar
      gonewest

      Here are some suggestions of things you can do from another location. Can you hire a housekeeper who drives and does light cooking while she's recuperating? Check into home health through your hospital social worker. Does she have friends who can stop by? You can call them and arrange things. Does she have animals who need care? Dogwalker may be needed. The vet might know someone. You can pay her bills online for her. Get a list of supplies she'll need post-op from the surgeon. You can order online and have them delivered. Make sure her meds are ordered in non-childsafe packaging (provided no kids are there). Make a list of her meds, what they are and when to take them in big font. Love to you and your mom.

      over 5 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Good ideas, @gonewest!!! My mind pretty much went blank.

      over 5 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      This is an article we posted a year ago with a few simple things to help with, there are lots more that can be added to the list, some have already been posted for you. Think about if you were at home by yourself and were going through this, what would you not be able to do for yourself? Then try to arrange to get that done for her. Click here for the article>> http://bit.ly/1KNkUJ5

      over 5 years ago
    • PinkPickle's Avatar
      PinkPickle

      My Sis-in-law, whom I adore, would send me a card every week... It sounds like such a little thing, but it always brightened my day. Consider sending her pre addressed stamped envelops so she can easily write you back.
      Also, if there is a grocery delivery service you could contact, have them delivered Groceries every week if she lives on her own.
      All she really needs is to know you are there for her, that may sound silly but even though you are far away she can still feel you are close with a few phone calls, cards, and small gifts.
      Almost forgot, if you have kids, have them send her cards etc. It will make a big difference in her spirit.
      Best of everything for your Mom!

      over 5 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      You don't mention her financial situation or yours, but if you can afford it send her a cell phone with long-distance minutes and tell her to call you whenever she wants you. You can of course work out whether you can call her, depending on if she naps, etc. Tell her that's you being there for her all the time.

      Prepare to visit her as often as you can. Remember she devoted a large part of her life to taking care of you, so we "owe" our mothers, even more so if you've moved out of state, because you've been away and now she needs to have your extra attention as you had hers.

      The doctor should be ordering home health care for her if needed. They would be the ones to clarify that with.

      over 5 years ago
    • Bonecrusher's Avatar
      Bonecrusher

      If you are financially able to, you might hire someone to drop by a few times a week to do set chores, or housekeeping, run errands or just check on her.

      over 5 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Check with her city department of senior affairs for meals on wheels. This is the one and maybe the only service we have here.

      over 5 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      You didn't say if she's having a lumpectomy or mastectomy, but she'll do OK alone if she's having a lumpectomy. Someone else needs to reply about staying alone after a mastectomy. I hope she has a friend who can check on her.

      over 5 years ago
    • Sharlie's Avatar
      Sharlie

      I had my bilateral mastectomy last April when I was 68. My daughter, who lives close by, insisted that I stay with her for a couple of days, even though I didn't think it was necessary. She did this because of the anesthesia and she was right. I live alone in a small apartment, so I might have been fine, but the older we get the more were usually affected by the anesthetic. If you can have someone to check in on her at least once a day for a few days to see if she needs anything, that would be great. Before my surgery, I did a major cleaning and I also placed everything I would, to use within easy reach. I rearranged stuff in my kitchen, dining area, bathroom, etc. so that I could easily reach stuff I would use on a daily basis. I live near Denver and we have something here called Senior Resource Center that provides a variety of help for seniors. See if her area has something similar that might be able to help her out. Are you looking for things that will help her physically or emotionally? I looked through Greg's link and thought that the Netflix is a good idea if she doesn't already have it. I was told to watch funny movies and that was a great idea as we need to laugh and keep our sense of humor. Asking friends and family to keep your mom in their thoughts and prayers is helpful...even if she's not super religious.

      over 5 years ago
    • SandiA's Avatar
      SandiA

      You have been given lots of good ideas so I don't have much to add. But a couple simple things I did after surgery (of course a different kind of surgery) and after treatments that made my life a little easier. If she has a friend that can help her. I got a chair and put it near a mirror. Sometimes after a shower standing to get ready was almost impossible. I kept the things I needed in a basket near the chair. I also keep a stack of blankets near my favorite chair. I am always cold. Then if one gets dirty I have another to put on. I also pre surgery put together some simple outfits comfortable outfits so if my husband had to grab clothes for me it was easy. Maybe she has a friend or can come over and help he set some stuff up. I wish her all the best! Sandi

      over 5 years ago
    • Roadrunner's Avatar
      Roadrunner

      The above are ALL very good suggestions:
      Check with the American Cancer Society as they have a Road to Recovery program that will find a volunteer to take her to her appointments and treatment.........Check to see if there is a pharmacy in the area that will deliver her meds (usually it is the small mom and pop stores)......call every day and just listen and don't get upset if she says the same thing over and over--it is brain fog........If at all possible I would go visit prior to any surgery and get her house and her personal things set up like the suggestions above--she probably isn't thinking of that right now......PinkPickle suggested to send a card a day and I have to admit I loved receiving them and now I make my own cards and will send to cancer patients--they really do brighten up one's day and they don't have to be fancy.....if you have grandchildren have them draw pictures and send--my grandchildren drew me beautiful pictures........how far away are you? Good Luck

      over 5 years ago

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