• I am concerned about leaving the country this summer

    Asked by Teachertok on Tuesday, April 9, 2013

    I am concerned about leaving the country this summer

    My mother is 75 years old and was active and healthy apart from her diagnosis of stomach cancer in March. It's believed that she has an advanced stage stomach cancer of late stage 3 or stage 4. My concern is leaving this summer for vacation for 2 weeks. I have no idea what to expect but I would think that within the treatment process that it would be safe enough to continue with my plans of a vacation with my daughter in early July. Is this unreasonable? My dad is healthy and her primary caregiver. I live 500 miles away from them as it is and I have been doing a commute to see her throughout this past month. They don't want me to leave...I am torn. I have already paid for the trip and don't want to abandon my plans and hope to be with them both before and after my trip. They are very scared and concerned but I have no idea what to think!

    9 Answers from the Community

    9 answers
    • LindaD@StF's Avatar
      LindaD@StF (Best Answer!)

      No one can know for sure what this summer will bring for your parents, but it is reasonable to ask her doctor if he thinks your trip should be postponed. Your mother may need extra care that your father is not able to help her with. Your parents are telling you that they don't want you to leave, maybe they know more than they are sharing. Have an honest talk with them and find out why they are fearful.
      Sometime in cancer a period of relative calm is followed by a sudden decline. If your mother should decline, I am confident that you will not regret being there for them in their time of need

      over 4 years ago
    • Gabba's Avatar

      My husband and I ALWAYS take out travel insurance...vacations are so expensive so why not protect the cost. We were about to take our first cruise over 30 years ago but my dad was dying of rectal cancer...I put it right to his oncologist..."could we go or should we stay"... He told us to stay and my dad died the day after we would have left...we rescheduled the cruise for the following month and it was a blessing to be with my dad in his final days but also wonderful to get away for a well needed rest after things had settled down.
      What is your mother's prognosis? Are you able to speak with her oncologist with her permission? Do you have another sibling who could spend some time with your parents while you and your daughter travel? Friends of theirs who could drop in, bring a meal, etc.?
      You are between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Hopefully, you can figure it out to everyone's satisfaction. Keep us posted. Good luck and if you go, enjoy yourselves!

      over 4 years ago
    • SpunkyS's Avatar

      Travel insurance is a good idea.
      Also, talk to the team where your Mom is getting treatment re: concerns. Maybe they can also help you find an alternative person to cover for you while you are gone - - a friend, cousin, niece, etc...
      If it were me, I would continue to plan your trip. Let your family know you are continuing to plan on going.
      Praying for your needs.

      over 4 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar

      Wow, I may take some heat for this answer, but I say, spend some high quality time with both parents and then go on your vacation as planned. I have kind of the same situation in that my dad is 95 (and declining) and mom is 86 (also). But my husband & I have several trips planned, anyway.

      You never know when someone you love will die. It could be quick--or they could fade away. That's why you need to take the time NOW and every time you see them to tell them how much you love them. Remind them of things that happened when you were growing up. Did they help you in a particular instance? Was there a time that really was hilarious?

      I would absolutely HATE IT if my kids postponed their lives just to sit with me, waiting until I died. I absolutely would want them to go on and enjoy life, as I have.

      And if you go, don't go with GUILT. Guilt is a wasted emotion, not doing anybody or anything any good. Leave after saying the things you want to say to them, then go with a clear conscience. It's OK! We each are given one life to live and sometimes there are very hard choices to make, like this. But wouldn't your mom want you to go, rather than give up that special trip with your daughter that may not happen again? Good luck with your decision. I DO understand.

      over 4 years ago
    • Teachertok's Avatar

      Hello Community of Friends,

      Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses.
      What I decided to do was to postpone this trip until next year. I asked for help from the airline and the cruise company and they said they would give me credit to redo the trip at another date. I would still love to take this trip but it is to Baltic Sea and Russia...this is just too far at this time I think.

      I will still travel this summer though with my daughter...but we will be within the country so we can come back at a moment's notice -- at least for this year. I guess I need to do this just this one time just for my own peace of mind. I would think it's super hard to just fly back from Russia very quickly...this kind of stress I don't need right now in my life.

      I think it's true that you never know when someone is going to pass on and you have to continue to live your life. I will keep this in mind throughout this whole process with my mom. Many blessings to all of you for helping me.

      over 4 years ago
    • Gabba's Avatar

      You have come up with a solution that works well for you and your family...enjoy time with your family this summer...it is wonderful for your daughter to see your love and concern for all involved...this could be her dilemma some day and you have taught her well. Good luck and God bless!

      over 4 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      Your answer is in your question. They don't want you to leave. Ordinarily I would say you should take care of yourself first, but since you mention this, I think you feel you need to stay and want someone else to make the decision for you. You can go on vacation later.

      over 4 years ago
    • Iluvmymomso's Avatar

      What plans, if any have been made for your mother? My mother was diagnosed August 2012 with stage 4 gastric cancer after a biopsy and additional SCANS were done and she had part of her stomach removed and then was on tube feedings until late October, she chose to go with chemo and is almost finished, we have another PET scan set for April 25th which will determine her next step. You mention living 500 miles away from your parents, are there other family members who live closer that are willing and able to help your parents out???

      over 4 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar

      No one can answer this for you. This is entirely a personal decision to be decided in family.

      over 4 years ago

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