Hey there, I've been thinkin' about you the past few days. I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. There are alot of people that love you and care for you and want to see you happy. I know right now everything seems like its going down hill and nothing is going right with your health but you can't let cancer beat you down. You have got to beat it. You have got to make yourself get out of bed and and do things with your children and your family and go to work when you feel like it and don't get depressed. Cancer is that disease that wants to win and we can't let it ....Keep your head up, and I will keep the prayers coming your way. If you need anything, email me....holler at me on here...i'm just a click away. All you have to do is click on the exchange email link and send me an email....just please please whatever you do...please don't give up. Hang in there.
Skin Cancer - Non-Melanoma Questions
I am having a difficult time with my depression and anxiety. I have shut myself off from friends and most of family.
Asked by aj1969 on Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I am having a difficult time with my depression and anxiety. I have shut myself off from friends and most of family.
I am even afraid to reach out to people who are going thru same thing. Any suggestions that might give me a reason to want to be happy. I feel like everything is going down hill with my health. So many doctors, so many illnesses. I just feel empty inside and feel useless. I was very active with my children, family and work. Now I can hardly get out of bed. Just rambling on because my mind won't stop wondering. It sucks.
17 Answers from the Community
Thanks for your support. Although I try every day to be happy, I end up making myself sick with negative thoughts. I have been disabled since 6/2009 due to other illnesses and they have all changed my life and my families. It hurts so much when I want to be a mom but all I can do is watch as my children go to my husband with any of their needs. I think they have given up on me. I am so grateful to my husband for picking up the pieces. I couldn't have married a better guy. But sometimes I just hurt when I can't take my daughters to doctors,school, dance, or just sit up and talk. I am going to a new psychiatrist on Wednesday, hopefully I can get some new input and hope from him.
You appear to be going through what I have many times over the last 7 months. I cried for the first 2 months until one day I found a friend that was so positive with his illness (much worse than mine) that I was inspired to fight, not give in....despair is so powerful and so easy to give int to that you have to fight to to be positive. Try to focus on somehting in the near future...anythig that you want, love to do or wish you could do and make that your obsession to conquer. It's a one day at a time disease that only the positive and those who fight can beat. Good luck. You are not alone in your struggles or your search for the formula to get you through it. Please find others you can share with you face to face. Together you will have the strength to win!
Like TJM, I latched on to one new friend, a girl going through the same thing whose percentage for survival was much lower than my 30%. I alienated my mother, refused to let the school--where I work as librarian--throw a benefit event for me. I was very depressed.
I spoke to the oncologist about my depression. He smiled, patted my knee, and said, "I'd be worried if you weren't depressed. You have cancer." this didn't make me feel better, but it validated my feelings. In other words, for the first time, I felt like it was okay to have those feeling.
After I had a meltdown in Walmart, which resulted in me yelling at an old lady for removing my candybar from the conveyor belt, I spoke to a counselor who dealt only with patients with cancer. She compared cancer patients and the struggle to survive to military war veterans. At first, I rejected this. Then she explained. She said, we suffer horribly through chemo; emerge with horrible scars (I had a double mastectomy without reconstruction); face our mortality; and spend the rest of our lives worrying or trying to cope with residual side effects. This helped my thinking.
But, still, it was the friend, the girl I met during chemo who helped me accept my new normal...because it was her normal also.
I hope this helps.
I agree with the ladies above, We are all going through this roller coaster ride together. I understand the feelings, I can only encourage you to Stay Strong and Fight Hard. It is really easy to withdraw and push people away, but I believe we have been given this obstacle to make a difference somehow. I too am angry and sad at times, Reach out!!! This site is wonderful. Also I have many Cancer friends on Inspire.com as well. Actually just meet another lady who lives within a few miles and I am really looking forward to being able to have someone to talk to who really understands! This is something we must accept and keep Plugging along. Everything happens for a reason!!
Stay Strong and Fight Hard.
You SHOULD reach out. If it hadnt been for my Mom being there for me, I dont think I would have done so well and been so strong. I dont know if you are a Christian woman. But I recall how depressed and filled with anxiety I became as soon as I finished my therapy. I recall, how one morning just as I was waking up I thought, "I want to die. I dont want to live anymore." Suddenly, I thought, "These arent my thoughts! Would God answer our prayers of healing just for me to be sad & anxious..wanting to DIE??? NO." I figured that it's the devil wanting to keep me apart from God and His love and goodness. Gradually I came out of the darkness and now I can be patient and look forward to every day. So please, share your thoughts and feelings with friends and family or other cancer patients. Make little doable plans for each day. Look for the good/blessings each day and have conversations with God...even if you are angry at Him and just to tell Him that you dont understand. You are so loved by Him and we love you too. *muah!* Have a great and blessed day...smile and let your light shine. xoxoxox
@ SunnCloud there's a book called Anti-Cancer by David Servan-Schreiber, that talks about negative thought patterns affecting your health, which is why positive thoughts are so important in healing!! The best thing you can do, is be around positive people. They're going to help you heal. Take one day at a time. Sometimes you're not going to feel well and you need your rest, but other days you need to make yourself get up and get around. Being at work and around people has definitely helped keep me sane and keep my life in perspective. After you beat cancer, what is there to be afraid of? Nothing! I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't want anyone else to feel sorry for me because I know it will eventually be a good thing. I've already become a better person and I will continue to become better and get stronger. The book I mentioned earlier is a really good book if you want education on what you can do for yourself to help in the healing process. Another book called 'Mastering Your Metabolism' by Jillian Michael's is also a good book to read to educate yourself on health and chemicals to steer clear of. Reach out to people and let these people help you because you'll get better a lot quicker with their love and support.
The rollercoaster analogy is only half right - didn't they build great theme parks based on a rollercoaster? the last thing you should do is cut yourself off from friends and family - that's where I find nearly all of my happiness these days. Just remember what fun the rollercoaster can be and celebrate every very little positive. I'm looking at the empty glass on my desk and see something that can hold just about anything - YOU have to look for the positives and your friends and family can help if you ask.
Overwhelmed. In 2005 I lost a 4 yr. old nephew to murder. In the depths of grief my pastor said, "As we have issues that our mind can not handle...Step one: identify the feeling. Step two: pretend your mind is a file cabinet. Step three: File this feeling away." The most that I learned is that when you identify the feeling; it seems to file itself away. I just found my word for this journey. Overwhelmed. And the most important thing is to voice your feelings. Two weeks ago I walked with a knot in my throat. No life insurance. No extra money to pre-pay. Losing my husband. All an attack of Satan. I sat on a dark porch..spat all this at my oldest daughter and cried. Nothing was resolved but all those feelings left. Now I had to pick a word to file this away. Fear, dread, self pity. None of these worked. Then I awoke with the word, "overwhelmed." It fit. Now I can handle "business". Have an appt. with a lawyer, have an appt. with a friend that's an insurance agent, etc. Today I'm going to pull my antique table and refinish it. Have to get busy.
Sharing this with my husband has refreshed him. He is going back to the cafe to have coffee with his "old cronies", fishing in the little stock ponds around here, etc. Maybe he can't do his garden or mow...but can find other things to do. We know we will be going thru round two but for now we will try to find peace of mind.
When I don't know what to pray for I just say the name of Jesus over and over. I don't know if we have one year or ten years. I will leave this up to the Lord and cherish each day. And then I will hit bottom again....
I was diagnosed with cancer back in September, 2011. I went in to shock. And the feelings you described are the exact feelings
I have too. I am getting better because I am letting more positive into my life. Both my husband (caregiver) and I joined a support group and went to our first session last Monday. It was awesome. I laughed there more than I have laughed since last September. I'm not a 100%. I still have my meltdowns. But I am a spiritual person and use that to get through bad days. I just received a beautiful book from my sister called "5 Minutes a Day- 365 Daily Devotions For Women" (http://www.amazon.com/Minutes-Day-365-Daily-Devo/dp/1605870587) But you can search other online places or bookstores for the cheapest price. Its awesome! They have one for men and teens too. I wish you better days ahead and many blessings.
when I was told that I had cancer I have been involved with the Schools coaching girls softball team, told one of my parents that I was thinking about giving it up until I was better. She gave me a stern talking to and said "what are you going to do sit around and fell sorry for yourself" so I told her that I would do it best thing that I could have done just started chemo that kept me active and going
I went through the dark times and I know I will go into this route again and again.
Get help, anything you can! Use all tools and resource available to you. My dear friend told me that cancer is mental battle (not just a disorder). If your emotion and mental state are not in a good place, you are giving more power to the cancer.
I now have counseling and my husband goes to see her as well. I ask HELP from everyone for meals and rides to infusion center. These are to make me feel better and others feel good about themselves. MOST PEOPLE do NOT understnad what we are going through. Give them jobs to do. Knowing that there is "love" out there, give you more power to "you". Don't be personality C type, don't get more cancer, you will get better by being very very self-centered now.
love and hugs.
I want to thank all of you for taking your time out to help me. I am trying so hard to keep my head up, but the feelings that run rapid within me keep me down. I try to get up and do things as much as I can, however I suffer from a spinal injury that is getting worse and the pain is unbearable. I try to tell myself that all of this will make me stronger but it doesn't stop the tears from falling or stop the anxiety. I know I don't sound very positive today and don't want to sound like a cry baby but I am stuck in this everyday rut. I want so bad to wake up and believe but it has been 2 months already and the doctor's have not started any treatment for the skin cancer. This worries me because I have several more spots on my face that still have to be biopsied. Currently my eye lid is so swollen and it scares me because this is one of the locations that I have to have checked. Called doctor today and can not get appt. until mid March for my eye. That didn't help my anxiety one bit.
Also, I am feeling a lot of pain under my left implant that moves up to my underarm and I need to go to another doctor for this.
(So sick of Drs.) FYI: I had a dbl mastectomy in 2005 after having 4 lumpectomies.
I need to learn how to live for today and not worry so much. Very hard thing to do don't you think? Again, thanks for all the support you have given and sorry I took so long to get back to everyone.
@RebeccaLynn25 I agree. Also, take good care of your pituitary (sp?) glands. Google it. Im trying out something that a natural health person told my mom would keep my uterus/cervix cancer free..among other things. It's Natural Sources Raw Pituitary. God bless! xox
Everyone else always "knows" better than "you" do, or so it seems. Just "Be You." It is OK to have slow days and slow times. It's OK not to be able to do what you "use" to be able to do. DON'T put yourself down either.
After my surgery on my left arm, I had trouble lifting my arm or carrying anything of any weight. I still do not have the strength that I "use" to. People were use to me always being able to do for myself and doing things FIRST and never asking for help. (I always felt I could do it quicker myself.) My husband didn't help me much just after the surgery and the incison was healed. I had to ask him NOT to put anything on the top shelf (such as coffee because I could not raise my arm to get it.)
It takes some adjusting... but ADJUST to YOU. (And NOT to others.) YOU are the one with the changes.
I also asked my doctor for an anti depressant that I use to take back in a very difficult time. It helps me to not feel I have a zillion things coming into my mind and the next items might shatter me into a million pieces. (Effexor XL is it's name. Anti depressant/anti anxiety.) Maybe ask your doc about it.
Take Care aj.....