• I can't stop crying. My mind won't focus. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting to die, alone.

    Asked by pixel_bunneh on Friday, November 2, 2012

    I can't stop crying. My mind won't focus. I'm lost. I don't know what to do.

    I feel like I'm sitting here waiting to die, alone.

    I know this is chemo brain related but I don't know what to do. I'm lost and crying and overwhelmed, my life is out of control. I feel like a whiner and I don't know what to do.

    14 Answers from the Community

    14 answers
    • Peroll's Avatar

      Pixel, Chemo can and often does cause depression. Depression is caused by a seratonin inbalance in the brain and is chemical an not some mental defect. Depression can be easily treated with medication. Oddly enough most cancer doctors are not up front about this and are notreally trained to spot this. I urge you talk to your oncologist or another doctor about this and get treated. I know first hand that treatment can help. Please let us know how you are doing, we are all pulling for you. Good luck.

      almost 8 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar

      I see that it has been 4 months since you were diagnosed and that you are receiving chemo and radiation. I think your reactions are perfectly normal--though I do agree with Peroll that you should look into the possibility of depression (medical).

      This is a beast that has taken over your life. At this stage it is normal to wonder if things will ever get back to where they were. Your oncologist can probably help you understand where you are and what progress is being made. If possible, maybe you can create a chart showing your progress. Then, you will be able to see that you are getting better.

      If you haven't done this already, you might try to learn as much as possible about your cancer and the treatment options. You might particularly want to do this if you aren't making a lot of headway with your current treatment. I found that being active in my fight helped. I know. I look for answers that fit my situation. I still listen to my oncologist--he knows much more than I--but I am the one who understands me the best. And, I am the one really motivated to find better alternatives.

      almost 8 years ago
    • RuthAnne's Avatar

      Hey Pixel, so sorry about your diagnosis and your mental state. Chemo can certain effect depression as can the fact that you have cancer. If it's any consolation, I have found that the periods of fear, anxiety and depression become fewer and less intense as you progress and realize that you can 'live with' the disease. Like the others, I would recommend speaking with your oncologist about it. As much as people don't necessarily like to hear it, good diet and exercise can help your mental state. As does keeping busy, learning new things, and doing things that you enjoy. I know it's hard to think about that when you're so low. Living with Stage IV is definitely a different way of living and it takes some time to learn how to do it well. I wish you peace.

      almost 8 years ago
    • ticklingcancer's Avatar

      Hey Pixel, what you're experiencing is completely normal for someone going through chemo and fighting this nasty disease. This is something you should call your oncologist about right away because he will give you something to help you through this. I remember when I first started chemo I was having panic attacks. I immediately spoke with my Oncologist and that evening I had some meds that took care of the attacks. Talking to people really helps. Family, Friends or us here on WhatNext. You have to get your emotions out so they're easier to cope with. I hate to hear you're having a rough time. Please keep us posted on your progress. I hope you feel better.

      almost 8 years ago
    • packerbacker's Avatar

      Is there someone where you get treatment that you can talk to? Or, maybe they can set you up with someone to talk to. I understand how you feel. When the doc told me I had 2-3 years left, I was in shock, Luckily, I was able to get support from the Cancer Center I go to and from the people on-line here at What Next. It's nice to hear from someone who has been where you are and to hear how they got through it. I hope you know that you are not alone. You can get through this, but it really sucks feeling alone. Please reach out! Many hugs your way!

      almost 8 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      First lots and lots of hugs. Your reaction is completely normal, if anything about cancer can be considered normal. The situation is very scary and most drugs (cancer cocktail), drugs to treat the side effects of your treatment, all have the potential of causing "anxiety and depression" . Speak to your oncologist, lowering the dose my steroids helped some. After a very stressful summer I asked for a Pharma consult, the psychiatrist I am seeing specializes in cancer patients and we are working with low doses of meds, to help counter the depression, anger and lack of sleep caused by my treatment. I am also see a therapist to help me figure out what my day to day priorities are, which ones I can delegate, forget about, etc. I saw her last year as part of a protocol run my Columbia Presbyterian hospital. I was very very helpful. I credit her with helping me get together and applying for SSI (I was in such denial about how much my treatments were impact my life) Good luck.

      almost 8 years ago
    • HeidiJo's Avatar

      I urge you to talk to your doctor, my father had bone morrow cancer and was going through much the same thing. I had him tell his doctor and he put him on anti depression meds. ( I am sorry, I don't remember which one) But it helped 100% and he was then able to focus on fighting the cancer. Hang in there!

      almost 8 years ago
    • SpunkyS's Avatar

      Know that you are being held in prayer.
      I hope you can tell someone at your cancer center your feelings and ask for some contact help.
      Don't try to do this alone. HUGS.

      almost 8 years ago
    • Valentinegirl's Avatar

      Hi Pixel,
      The diagnosis of cancer certainly can cause depression. Just the word can evoke an incredible amount of fear. As others have said, chemo csn cause a chemical inbalance that leads to depression. I have experienced the same thing.
      It is so important that you seek help through a therapist and/or support group. This is not something that one should try to handle alone. Most cancer centers have these types of resources, so you may want to share this with your treatment team.
      I know that it is so hard to be active when you're depressed, but it is so importsnt to continue doing activities that you used to enjoy. You may not enjoy them now, but over time, th

      almost 8 years ago
    • joedy1950's Avatar

      YOU R NEVER ALONE!! someone wants to love you.just believe that.

      almost 8 years ago
    • Buttercup's Avatar

      First you have to know that you are not alone. I also have lung cancer stage 4. Believe me I did my share of crying and asking God "WHY ME". Whatever you do don't even think about dying, think about living. I was so afraid of chemo, I even cried when I went for the first blood test. Don't let this cancer define who and what you are. Put this in God's hands and get on with your life. Don't let the XXX cancer win. We will all be praying for you

      almost 8 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      Hello, I am an oncology/end of life nurse so maybe I can offer some insight and add to the beautiful heartfelt responses you have received from your post so far. Crying is such an enigma. When we cry it illicits the most worrisome responses from those around us, even from ourselves. Sometimes however, crying isn't the symptom, sometimes its the cure. Look at all you have been through to date. Is it any wonder that as your physical body struggles through the discomfort that your soul feels the sting as well? We wince and furrow our brow, vocalize our pain, rate it on a scale. Crying is the measure of a degree of discomfort of our soul. There is nothing wrong with shedding a tear or crying a river. Why stifle the pain of your soul? Crying is the only way to put yourself at ease, so let it flow. Embrace that emotion and don't stop until you can't squeeze out one more tear. Quiet that voice within. Chemo can effect you that way, this is true, but when you are nausious do you ignore it or deal with it? Your life is not out of control, but somewhere along the way you lost focus of the view and your perspective got skewed. You got overwhelmed by the power of a disease and somehow underwhelmed your ability to conquer it. In a moment, one weak moment, you allowed the disease more power than it deserved. This disease came into you. Came into your house. Its the guest--not you. Take back the control. Cry, dry your eyes, step into the ring, tighten your gloves, and swing hard and fast. Its not a force to be reckoned with my dear, you are! Each and every patient here is. There are no victims here only warriors. They have your back. I have your back. So if you need a good cry, then cry and get past it, you have a life to get back to. Best of luck to you, Carm.

      almost 8 years ago
    • believer's Avatar

      Pixel, please pray for continued healing and that you be blessed with a understanding of your depression so that you can begin to work through it.
      I just discussed this with my oncologist today. I found myself crying at the smallest thing and that depressed me more. My depression has been coming from chemo, we found one of reasons is that I am not sleeping, she asked me some more questions and , I realized that I am comparing my progress and side effects to how others have progressed and their side effects and when doing this I am only concentrating on the ones that have said they didn't have side effects, they were able to work, I then allowed the depression to grow because I haven't allowed myself to see me as an individual and realized that my journey is MY journey. The side effects that I am experiencing are bad and I had to take off of work, but that's okay. I don't have an appetite for awhile after chemo, but that's okay. I cry when concerned family and friends are telling me that I gotta do this or I should try that because someone they knew did it. I don't feel they understand what I am going through, that's okay. In the future, after I cry if I cry, I will begin explaining that I appreciate their concerns and feel their love, but this is My journey and what I must do and must try is to get through it the best way I know how and continue discussing it with my team of doctors.

      Although my oncologist offered to write a script fot antidepressants, I have declined at this time. I will make it through My journey and let myself feel when necessary and then pat myself on the back for being able to think about the positive....I am getting good care from my team of doctors, I will be a survivor, I have a good support system in family and friends, and my employer wants me to consider working from home (not something they would normally offer to anyone).

      almost 8 years ago
    • Joachima's Avatar

      I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are never alone. Reading through these responses. you can see that so many of us have experienced similar feelings. My faith teaches me that God is always with us & carries us when we don't have the strength to go on. He is right there with you, even when you can't "feel" Him. Do you have family or friends that can be with you during these times? Please talk to your oncologist. Also, there may be a support group or counselor through your cancer treatment center that you can go to. You may also want to contact a pastor or clergy. Please do not give up. As long as you have breath, there is hope.

      almost 8 years ago

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