• I have a few family members that think that because the bad part of my treatments are over I should "snap out of it".

    Asked by PattyMarie on Tuesday, October 22, 2019

    I have a few family members that think that because the bad part of my treatments are over I should "snap out of it".

    They don't get it, they think I had the flu, I am trying to steer clear of them just to keep from getting in an argument. Has this ever happened?

    10 Answers from the Community

    10 answers
    • Dawsonsmom's Avatar
      Dawsonsmom

      Others insensitivity is particularly frustrating and it’s hard to not get caught in it. You are wise to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I think some of the insensitivity is done by others to take care of themselves.....when someone close to you gets cancer it forces you to allow that it could happen to you too. Scares the xxxx out of people. Additionally, I think most people are uncomfortable talking about cancer.....except other cancer patients/survivors. That’s why sites like this are so important. We get you.

      24 days ago
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      I would just smile at them and go to my happy place. They are holding you to their standards - standards which they most likely cannot keep! Plus, they have no idea what they are talking about. It is not the flu; not minor (or even major) surgery. It is facing a very serious, life-threatening illness. This attitude is the flip side of those who, when they hear that you have cancer, dismiss it all with "Oh, you'll be fine!"

      Right.

      24 days ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I have heard lots of survivors say that same thing happened to them. Once we get to the point that we start to look "normal" again and grow our hair back lots of people think that it's all over now, like that cleaning company that advertises, "Like it never even happened".

      24 days ago
    • JCPV's Avatar
      JCPV

      I think you are right in avoiding them, you don't need the additional stress and aggravation. Recovery takes a while and, like reaction to treatment, it is very different to every individual. There are so many moving pieces during treatment and recovery and I think we all agree that just because you look the same you definitely do not feel the same. This is a life changing event. Hold your head high, you made it through.

      24 days ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I am so sorry. They obviously have no idea how cancer treatments work. I hope they never have to learn for themselves that people don't necessarily bounce right back.

      24 days ago
    • Bengal's Avatar
      Bengal

      I think we've all run into this from time to time. People think because your treatment is over you're "well" and can't understand why your life doesn't just return to normal. Recovery is a huge part of the process. Our bodies have been through & "" &* "# and it takes a very long time to get back to anything approaching "normal". I have tried to explain this to friends and family members. The only one who truly "gets it" is the one friend who has been through it himself.

      24 days ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar
      Ydnar2xer

      You'd better believe it! When I called my mom to tell her my b/c had returned she listened for a minute, then interrupted me to tell me HER "health news"---she had to get a tooth filled at the dentist's! Ever since then, she has said, "You're over it" to me several times, like cancer never happened two times to me! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Talk about mother/daughter issues! Some things never change!

      23 days ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      It’s odd that anyone would think that once treatments are done, our cancer is gone for sure. Cancer is so feared because of the uncertainty as to whether or not it will return. Cancers aren’t like broken bones or pneumonia, etc. I guess those close to us who know little about cancer prefer to think all is now 100% okay with us.

      22 days ago
    • MissWiz's Avatar
      MissWiz

      They don't seem to understand that the treatment has long, sometimes life long effects. And the emotional trauma can be just as hard to cope with. There's always that part off you that wonders will it return. My favorite response from someone was "well at least it wasn't breast cancer". As if that's the only cancer that is emotionally and physically devastating.

      18 days ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      MissWiz-You said--They don't seem to understand that the treatment has long, sometimes life long effects. And the emotional trauma can be just as hard to cope with. -

      Well said, but I'm having this problem with my primary doctor. My nose and sinus was all messed up with surgery and intensive radiation, and she gets mad at me because I have sinus infections. She didn't want to prescribe an antibiotic. She prescribed a sinus relief med that minor side effects attack the nose and lips. I had severe side effects attack my nose, lips and face. She said that I was too old for antibiotics---After she got done with me, I was prescribed 2 different antibiotics- spent over a thousand in co-pays--ER $100 each time, Urgent Care $15, $50 for the many specialists, $5 for my doctor, and meds that cost over a $100. I've had DNA tests to see if I had an autoimmune disease, some doctors cried. They took pictures for my medical chart, Then I lost weight because my lips were too sore to eat-trying to eat set my lips on fire, lack of sleep, and my tears.

      I have had only one sinus infection since October 2018. That isn't bad for someone that had super high rads on the nose for 6 weeks.

      I keep telling her that I have a Gastroenterologist to care for my stomach-Have I been in to any ER, UC, or her about my stomach the last 4 years? I haven't even been to Dr Saad for those problems. I told her that it is her job to keep me from dying from sinus.

      18 days ago

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