• I have a friend that has been diagnosed and is getting treatment at a 'mid-level" facility.

    Asked by HotRodTodd on Wednesday, August 21, 2019

    I have a friend that has been diagnosed and is getting treatment at a 'mid-level" facility.

    The facility is not the worst and not the best. His treatments have failed and they are not offering too many more options. I have suggested he go to another facility but the whole family just won't listen to any of it. How do you get someone to listen and at least be open to getting another opinion? I have done everything but start slapping people to wake up. I am afraid that if they don't do something the next time we see them will be at his funeral.

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      It sounds like you care for this person. And it's hard to sit by and not do something. But it is their choice. You maybe could talk to the patient alone but value his opinion. He probably thinks he is getting good care and won't listen. Just be there as a friend and support his choice, as hard as that can be.

      about 1 month ago
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      I agree with @clinda. It is his choice...hopefully. I would hate to think that someone else is making those decisions. However, that being said, he does have options. He can get drugs not yet approved because of the nations' right to try law. He should get a second opinion and if the second opinion offers an alternative therapy, he can always bring it back to his oncologist as a possible therapy. Sometimes all you can do is let them know that there are always other oprions.

      30 days ago
    • Skyemberr's Avatar
      Skyemberr

      Its his choice.

      However, I got invited to the Cancer Research Institute over the summer and found out suddenly that I am eligible for over ten trials. I asked my oncologist about that and he's starting work to get me into one.

      CRI doesn't ask me for anything and had provided me with a trial navigator to help me figure out what to do at no cost to me. They have stated I can contact them any time and they will do what they can to help.

      If nobody else is taking action to help your friend maybe this is an avenue?

      30 days ago
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      It is his life. If he is done, we must accept that decision. Is it an informed decision? Probably not, but we cannot impose our desires on others. We can lead them, but they have to take the drink.

      A recent anecdote: a 26 year old man was diagnosed and treated for a very rare lymphoma at a major California (NCI designated) facility. All treatments ultimately failed and he was advised to get his affairs in order. He sought a second opinion at a major Pacific Northwest facility and was given three additional treatment options.

      The second opinion research hematologist reviewed the pathology and discovered that he had been misdiagnosed. He entered a clinical trial for his normally 85-90% curable Hodgkin's lymphoma, but his health had deteriorated too much from being treated for the wrong cancer.

      Even the major centers make mistakes, but second opinions save lives, as in my case. The patient must be willing, though.

      29 days ago
    • Molly72's Avatar
      Molly72

      One of my friends is going thru something similar. She has had 2 "drive-by" surgeries for cancer: Had a breast removed & was sent home same day, another tumor in her lung was removed & she was sent home again the same day! This hospital is the pits.
      There is an excellent cancer facility close-by, but she refuses to go there. Who can figure!
      Nothing we can do.

      27 days ago
    • Kylerem's Avatar
      Kylerem

      I had quite a few people ask me if I was going to get a second opinion when I was first diagnosed. I knew they meant well but I was a little offended at first. I felt like this was my thing and that I was doing my best in a bad situation. How dare someone second guess me. A couple of months in I could think a little more clearly and and did finally seek a second opinion and actually switched facilities. I credit my friends and family for being persistent and keeping those thoughts coming at me. I really think I was so overwhelmed at first that I just could not process it all. Maybe your friend just needs some more time to come to this conclusion himself

      27 days ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      Others have said it but it's not your choice unfortunately. I am in a similar situation and offer suggestions but demand nothing. I send helpful articles and information but unless I'm asked, refrain from commenting on the choices being made even tho I know this person is putting their life in danger (in my non-medical opinion). I spoke my opinion once and was shut down. The closest I come now is to share my personal experiences and choices as an example. But everyone is on their own journey and what you chose may not be my choice.

      27 days ago

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