• i just feel lost

    Asked by rose5738 on Wednesday, August 12, 2015

    i just feel lost

    so I have known now for two months that I have uterine cancer and I have been taking Megace to help treat, next week I get to see the doctor again to see if it is working.... I feel terrified.... for the last 2 months I have forgotten that I have it and just wont deal with it and now I feel like what happens next week is going to change my life. I don't want they hysterectomy, I want another child, I want to continue my weight loss efforts. I just don't want it to change me and with my luck I know the news wont be good. I'm happy right now staying in my bubble of denial and I don't want to leave it. I want to be strong but again I don't want to deal... I haven't told anyone except for a few people who are close to me, heck I haven't told my grandmother or my mother in law I just don't want to hear what they have to say.... I just feel embarrassed by having this cancer because for the most part I gave it to myself. I was the one who over ate and got fat, I was the one who didn't take care of my PCOS I was the one who didn't go to the doctor for three years because I knew something was wrong and didn't want to deal with it. And now all I think is I messed up my future I took the ability to have a second child away... I can't talk to any of my friends and family about because they just don't understand... I just push them away heck I don't even let anyone come with me to all my appointments because I just don't want to deal with them saying you should really do this (have the hysterectomy) it is my choice and right now I wanna try to save my lady parts... at 32 I am not ready for this.... sorry for the rant I just wanted to say it out loud so it wasn't bottled up anymore.... just lost

    30 Answers from the Community

    30 answers
    • TXHills' Avatar
      TXHills

      I'm very glad you feel able to vent here. You have so much to deal with and it can feel overwhelming. Is there a possibiity you can talk to a counselor? You have a great deal to sort out, including your feeings of guilt and anxiety and fear and anger and denial. These are all normal to have and none of them are wrong. You just may need a trained and impartial person who doesn't have a stake in this (other than helping you) to process it all.
      Being diagnosed with cancer is usually pretty shocking and we all go through the "what-ifs" as part of trying to make sense of it all. If you can, try not to blame yourself, as nobody really knows, we can't change the past, and it just makes you feel worse, instead of better.
      Best to you. We are here for you.

      almost 6 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      You should not beat yourself up. You need to get well for your child and husband. I know from experience guilt will make you ill. You should definitely express your feelings to your Dr. She/he can help you find counseling. At any rate your Dr. needs to know because these feelings affect your progress.
      Are you a member of any congregation, My first stop after I learned my diagnosis was to my church office to make an appointment with my pastor.
      I will keep you in my prayers.

      almost 6 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      The overeat simply leads to a faster diagnosis. I do not believe it, in itself, causes cancer. It is possible that the quality of your food (a lack if proper nutrition) gave cancer a foothold.

      The standard American diet is truly horrific coupled with a complete lack of information on the quality of food; what it has been sprayed with ( many of the pesticides are carcinogens and can increase their danger when used in combinations); its ripeness or lack of ripeness or that it is getting rotty; and the fact that it might have been modified with gene expression not ever thunk up by That Which Created All. Many of these GMOs are proven to cause tumors in animals and humans seem to be the lab rats in the US because you don't know what you are actually eating.

      almost 6 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      YOU 100% did NOT cause your situation...You CAN start TODAY to change your diet to a Vegan and get healthy.....You don't know WHAT the Docs will do.....Denial is Normal for anybody. Don't feel guilty who you tell or not....who cares as it's your business....Most people don't want to or are afraid to go to the Doctor ( I wrote a song about me called I'M AFRAID TO GO TO THE DOCTOR ) and it's pretty funny and horrific at the same time. You DOING Something NOW and that is all you can do. Take some deep breaths and just go forward. The denial is only good for awhile and then you have to jump into the deep water without a tube....Just go ahead and do what it is that needs to be done. Maybe it's not as bad as you think. Don't always listen to that crazy voice in your head screaming the sky is falling....I call my crazy voice the Prophet of Doom and Gloom....never a positive word ever....Good Luck and keep us posted. Today is a new day.

      almost 6 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      The long and short is that bemoaning your fate is normal but not actually helpful. If there were research to spread the word of how cancer is caused, it would be preventable. There are so many pollutants in our environment where to lay blame is difficult. For the individual who already has a cancer, it is unproductive to bemoan what might have been. You need all of your current concentration to be on getting well from the problem no matter how it was acquired.

      Later, if a removal of your ovaries is required, you can talk with your hubby about adoption. You would not have wanted to create a child while suffering with pcos either. Remember that you are lucky to have a child.

      Get up, after you are done bemoaning your fate, and deal with the present in order to create a future for yourself and the family you are lucky to have.

      Best wishes

      almost 6 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      Ok, so I had the same type of cancer as you (already through menopause, though). I didn't have my first child til I was 37, and I'm overweight too. Guess what, I didn't do these things on purpose. This is just the way my life went. Ironically, I put on the weight when my mother went through cancer treatment. Anyway, I don't think I did anything deliberately to cause my cancer, but yes I'm afraid for all my follow-up visits. You're young and have a different set of issues to deal with. If it comes to having the second child or saving your life, I hope you'll choose saving your life (for your child, at least). Take care and I hope all works out well for you.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Crash's Avatar
      Crash

      Tell everyone. Tell your church, your Facebook, the guy on the corner, share the burden. Go on the offensive. Go online and find out about your disease and all the effective cures. Go to a teaching hospital for your treatment, where they use all of the cutting edge (punny!) procedures, and medicines. Pray. Give your worry to the Lord. Appreciate the moment, prepare your will, get your life in order, and then go to a bar with your best friends, get snockered, and have them put you in a cab. There will be pictures....make sure they're GREAT!!

      almost 6 years ago
    • Crash's Avatar
      Crash

      Oh yeah, and love and appreciate the children you have, and don't mourn the ones you don't. If you get REALLY crazy you can adopt more.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      (((Hugs)))
      All your feelings are valid. Most important is that you get to choose how to respond to each moment -- and that can be especially tough to do when dealing with things outside your control.

      Keeping a handwritten journal helped and continues to help me. I can let it all out there and often learn from what I've written. It helps me do my problem-solving and face whatever I need to face. Sometimes it's a meditation for me and sometimes -- when I'm facing what I don't want to face -- it's very hard. There's no wrong way to do it (sometimes primal scream works for me just fine).

      And we are here, too. We all belong to the club no one wants to join. Our experiences are all unique, but none of us is alone. Please be gentle with yourself. I am keeping my fingers crossed for good news for you next week.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      rose5738, never apologize for venting , better out than in. All of us wish cancer has been irradiated a long time ago. There is no good time or age to get this xxx disease. Sticking your head in the sand and blaming yourself are both wasted efforts. I hope you do not have to have a hysterectomy. I hope you can have another child, I hope your Cancer totally disappears, BUT this may not happen You have been very lucky in many ways, start looking at the positives in your life. You can change your life ahead and be who you want to be starting now. One of the things we do when we feel sad, depressed ,or/and guilty is withdraw from friends and family when we need them the most. Do not shut those who care out. My daughter wanted several children also but was only able to have one, and that was through invetro. Life happens and disappointment is part of life but it does not have to overshadow your life. Can not change the yesterdays,look forward to the tomorrows.

      almost 6 years ago
    • wife2elliot's Avatar
      wife2elliot

      When I read my reports of scans/tests and lab work prior to having my own doctor tell me the diagnosis (I went ahead and signed out results of testing since he was 'busy'), being in denial would have been devastating to me~I saw what that did to my husband and children when I woke up from having the hysterectomy (it was an abdominal laparotomy). The gynecologic oncologist had told my husband there was a 1% chance I didn't have cancer. In my heart, I knew it would be best to try to learn about this cancer and its treatments before I had the surgery and I did. You'll want to focus on things like what to do before surgery, during recovery, and after..maybe set up a plan for someone to help you with your child while you recover, make meals and freeze them.. tell your friends..let them support you during this time..take someone with you to your doctor visit so they can write down the conversation for you to look back on when you're needing information..
      Be good to yourself..we're all exposed to a lot of toxins in our environments, with our food, and our genetic predisposition..I learned through genetics testing that I am predisposed to breast and colon cancer but just had a journey with stage II fallopian tube carcinoma that according to geneticist, was not in the genes..sometimes the exact cause isn't known.

      almost 6 years ago
    • SandiA's Avatar
      SandiA

      Please feel free to rant here anytime. I had a major meltdown in a hospital one night. Tried to talk to friends and no one understood so I ranted here and got lots of love and support. I do agree I would talk to your doctor about your feelings. The same night I emailed my doctor and asked him what the heck was wrong with me. Haha! At 2:00am. Bless his heart he was still awake and answered me pretty quickly. He said it was the steroids and basically my entire situation. He said to always let him know when I am struggling emotionally as well. Since I can't hug you in person I will send you a hug here

      almost 6 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      I'll repeat what others here say: You didn't cause your cancer. None of us can go back even a millisecond into the past (except in dreams and memories). Now is the time for you to go forward and get treatment to eradicate your cancer, if possible. For me and so many others, action felt so much better than not doing anything and just torturing oneself with fears and worries. And you aren't in denial, it seems to me, since your illness is on your mind. I hope you let someone go with you to your next appointment, and proceed with your doctor's recommendations (or get a second opinion, if you aren't sure what to do). There are MANY cancer survivors. You aren't alone in this. Let us know how you're doing. Hugs from Brooklyn -

      almost 6 years ago
    • sewandsew's Avatar
      sewandsew

      I have been a diabetes educator for 15 years and have seen a lot of patients that are obese with PCOS. Not one of them had endometrial cancer. I also participate in a cancer support group for only Endometrial and ovarian cancer-many of them are thin. Stop beating yourself up. I also sought counseling after my diagnosis and it really helped me. I have been on Megace and it did work. It also caused me to be very emotional -crying at the slightest thing, reacting to everything emotionally. I found it to be a hard drug to be on. I see a gyn oncologist now and have found him to be more helpful- more informed about my disease.
      This is my 6th year of dealing with this disease and there are times that the only way I can survive is to just deal with today-not looking back and not looking forward. Looking back does not help and I have little control over the future except to follow my treatment plan. You call it "not dealing" but maybe it is the only way to deal at the time. Good luck with your appointment-I will say a prayer for you.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Erik1059's Avatar
      Erik1059

      Everyday brings a new start, new hope. Because of my treatment at a young age, I could not produce children. I went through fertility with my wife to no avail. We adopted 2 foreign children. These children are truly mine, we may not share genetic material, but in every way they are better than my wildest dreams.

      almost 6 years ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      Rose, please please please don't blame yourself. Do we all have contributing factors in our lives? Yeah, most of us do. Can any of us pinpoint exactly the cause of our disease? Very very few of us can. I'm also a big girl w/endometrial cancer. Is that part of it? Maybe. Please let your doctor know you are struggling. A good number of folks here have been on some kind of anti-anxiety meds -- mine was Ativan. That one is good for making the gerbil on the wheel inside my brain stop at night so I could sleep. Night times were always good for "what ifs" for me. I am so sorry you are facing this so young and that your hopes for another pregnancy seem to have a cloud over them -- that part never bothered me because I don't have a maternal bone in my body and was 47 when diagnosed. I hope things go well at your appointment. And please let us know. And come here to scream any time. We'll be here to help you pick up any pieces.

      almost 6 years ago
    • IronMom45's Avatar
      IronMom45

      Not facing it will not prevent it. As a mother if you knew something was lurking to harm your child you would launch a full attack and kick butt!!! Well as your child's mother your health is important to maintain as a protective instinct as well. My motivation for me only I can speak as I went through treatment i did with the thought of protecting my children from my further decline. So I used that mother instinct to propel me into facing it, embracing it and defeating it! You got it in you! Just channel it!

      almost 6 years ago
    • djy's Avatar
      djy

      Sorry you have cancer, but you need the hyterectomy - magace doesn't stop the cancer it just slows it down. I hate having cancer also but I did what I had to so that I could stop it and live. Being overweight doesn't cause cancer - slim people also get cancer.

      almost 6 years ago
    • rebelkate's Avatar
      rebelkate

      I had my hysterectomy at 32 - just 6 months after getting married. I never had a chance to have children, and we are not able to adopt. Sometimes you have to focus on the positive things you can. Before I got the diagnosis, I was at my lowest weight in years. I was quite proud of myself at the time. Meanwhile, symptoms I had been having for years went ignored by doctors (their answer was always to lose weight) so that by the time cancer was diagnosed, it was too far progressed to even say the ovaries. You have to remember you didn't cause this - weight is a risk factor for this type of cancer, true, but there is no correlation that it causes it. It's a subtle difference, but one that might help you move past the self-blame.

      almost 6 years ago
    • created's Avatar
      created

      This horrible thing will not go away on its' own. It can be conquered, with God's help and a strength you don't even realize you have yet. But, if I can do it, I Know you can! Open your eyes and heart to see Everything. Don't be too surprised if a little good comes of this. I never realized how many things I had to be grateful for...things my eyes had, but my heart had never truly taken in. I know you are terrified right now, and that is natural. All emotions are allowed. But, once you have a game plan, it does make it less frightening. It is my prayer that your journey is an easy, short on. hold on to your precious family. You are truly blessed to have them.

      almost 6 years ago
    • MsMope's Avatar
      MsMope

      I don't come here anymore because I'm so much happier not thinking about cancer all the time, but read your message in the What Next Digest and just needed to speak to you. I am so sorry cancer is happening to you. Cancer sucks!

      I freaked out when I got my diagnosis of uterine cancer (papillary serous carcinoma). This is what I said when I got the news: "I don't do cancer!" But I did. Because I had to.

      Before I decided I had to, I went through a period where I felt like I was either just vibrating with anxiety or numb with fear. At a certain point, I had to decide to live or die. The choice is really that black or white. Once I decided to live, I was ALL in. And I have been all in ever since.

      I hope you got some help. Always remember: a clinic or hospital is full of people who WANT to help you. Those people were incredibly helpful to me - and very kind. After you reach out that first time, it will always to be easier to reach out again. You only have to take the first step. I hope you do. I hope you did.

      Good luck to you and those who love you. Your own strength plus the strength and love of others can see you thru this. Let them help you focus on what you need to do now rather than regret the past or fear the future. You can do this. Step by step. Day by day.

      -mm

      almost 6 years ago
    • Kandrida's Avatar
      Kandrida

      I have a different cancer, but I share some points with you. I'm 31. I also have PCOS and struggled for 6 years for my beautiful #1. I want another child. I have B cell lymphoma only on my cervix and I have cervical cancer too. I've been told I will very likely lose my uterus in a radical hysterectomy before the year is up. My advice is you can't hide from it. Your existing child needs you more. My child is my reason to fight. Tell your family, the sooner the better. They may surprise you more you know. They can provide support you never knew you needed. My in-laws, I was afraid they'd blame me because I smoked for years. Still do. I know I shouldn't, but its my one control. I don't know how to quit. They turned out to be a great help. I've even found support from distant family who I'd never expected to get any from. Seek out support both here, and locally if you can. It's okay to be terrified. Find your embracing point in life, and grab hold of it and ride this ride like the amazing rollercoaster you couldn't get enough of in years past. Laugh as often as you can even if it means going on YouTube to watch random scenes of family fued, or Netflix for some stand up comedy or even a drama crazy comedy that makes you feel good. Its okay to be in denial from time to time as long as you still face your fears and go to the doctor or do the tests or treatments. Whatever it takes. If you need to escape do it. Just don't neglect yourself health or otherwise. Your baby needs you. Stay positive as much as you can. And rant often if you feel the need! Get the emotions out, don't bottle up the negatives. I'm praying for you.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Kandrida's Avatar
      Kandrida

      I have a different cancer, but I share some points with you. I'm 31. I also have PCOS and struggled for 6 years for my beautiful #1. I want another child. I have B cell lymphoma only on my cervix and I have cervical cancer too. I've been told I will very likely lose my uterus in a radical hysterectomy before the year is up. My advice is you can't hide from it. Your existing child needs you more. My child is my reason to fight. Tell your family, the sooner the better. They may surprise you more you know. They can provide support you never knew you needed. My in-laws, I was afraid they'd blame me because I smoked for years. Still do. I know I shouldn't, but its my one control. I don't know how to quit. They turned out to be a great help. I've even found support from distant family who I'd never expected to get any from. Seek out support both here, and locally if you can. It's okay to be terrified. Find your embracing point in life, and grab hold of it and ride this ride like the amazing rollercoaster you couldn't get enough of in years past. Laugh as often as you can even if it means going on YouTube to watch random scenes of family fued, or Netflix for some stand up comedy or even a drama crazy comedy that makes you feel good. Its okay to be in denial from time to time as long as you still face your fears and go to the doctor or do the tests or treatments. Whatever it takes. If you need to escape do it. Just don't neglect yourself health or otherwise. Your baby needs you. Stay positive as much as you can. And rant often if you feel the need! Get the emotions out, don't bottle up the negatives. I'm praying for you.

      almost 6 years ago
    • rose5738's Avatar
      rose5738

      So update from my visit Monday last week, My doctor sounded very hopeful that the megace treatment is working with my weight loss efforts. I got set up for yet another D&C last Friday which long story short I ended up in the hospital for 3 days due to infection but that's not the point.... I got my pathology results back on Wednesday and their is now no active growing cancer!!!! I have taken it from stage 1 to hyperplasia which is still pre cancerous but if I keep taking the megace and lose the weight I can get out of that by maybe the end of the year!!!! I started this journey of my life almost 5 months ago weighing in at 323 pounds and now I weigh 228 pounds, to say I feel like a different person is an understatement. I have energy and a love for fitness, I have made some great friends and if cancer is what I had to get to figure out how to truly live.... well then so be it.... now just stay away I got a life to live!!!!

      almost 6 years ago
    • Kandrida's Avatar
      Kandrida

      That's great news! Congratulations! Keep up the great work! Stay positive!

      almost 6 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      Praise God. Congratulations on your weight loss. Hearing good news from those on WhatNext makes my day.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      rose5738, wonderful news! And it's great that you have shed so much weight. I hope you will remain vigilant about checking to ensure that the cancer doesn't come back (as we all should about ourselves). Best -

      almost 6 years ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      Thanks for sharing your good news. VERY happy for you! Great way to start a weekend!

      almost 6 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      Great News.....keep in going.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      Fabulous news! Go you!

      almost 6 years ago

    Help the community by answering this question:

    Create an account to post your answer Already have an account? Sign in!

    By using WhatNext, you agree to our User Agreement, and Privacy Policy


    Read and answer more endometrial (uterine) cancer questions.  Also, don't forget to check out our Endometrial (Uterine) Cancer page.