• I'm devastated.

    Asked by JanetA on Friday, March 28, 2014

    I'm devastated.

    When do you stop feeling sorry for your self. It's gets worse every day. I can't stop crying. And I can't even look at my self in the mirror. Nobody understands. I can't talk to my family because they get too upset. I'm so mad.

    13 Answers from the Community

    13 answers
    • Dean1010's Avatar
      Dean1010

      It took me a few days to grasp the idea that I have an incurable disease. My committee, (that group of fools that live in my head) were pretty active at first, but after a few days they settled into acceptance.

      Now I'm focusing on what makes me happy NOW. I hope you can do the same...keep in touch.

      Hugs,
      Dean

      almost 7 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I'm sorry you're having these feelings, it's somewhat normal, a lot of people have this. similar to survivor's guilt. I can only offer that, it's not your fault. Nothing you could have done different would 100% for sure make you not have cancer. I didn't do anything to get hodgkins, twice. Then 18 years later I just woke up one day and felt a sore spot behind my ear and I had squamous cell carcinoma. Bang, here you go, you have cancer, last night you didn't. I hope you find a way to get around this,maybe a trip to a therapist would help if you can't work it out yourself. Be good to yourself, you have enough to deal with fighting cancer, you shouldn't have to fight yourself too. We wish you peace with this.

      almost 7 years ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      There are people who understand. You could check w/your local hospital or oncologist about either a therapist (as Greg suggested) or support group. And we understand. Most of us have been in shoes that look a lot like yours. Please know that we are here for you -- any time you need to vent or be afraid or just want a virtual hand. Hugs.

      almost 7 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar
      SueRae1

      Your reactions a normal, as are your family's. As Greg mentioned you might want to see a therapist, see if you can get a referral to one who specializes in treating cancer patients. If the oncology department and/or the hospital you are being treated at has social workers, speak to one and find out what services they offer and/or can refer you to. That's how I found out about the 12 week therapy trial being offered at my hospital. It was a game changer and best of all free.

      almost 7 years ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      When first diagnosed with cancer I couldn't stop crying also. Thought I was learning to deal with the diagnosis, had great support, but started talking and started crying.My primary doctor ordered a mild anti depressant for me and it really helped. AS others have said perhaps it would help to talk to a professional, someone removed emotionally from the situation. Nothing is easy when dealing with cancer and I imagine everyone deals with depression at one time or another. These are normal emotions and some of us just need a little more help than others. Take care. Continue letting us know how you are doing.Wishing only the best.

      almost 7 years ago
    • HearMeRoar's Avatar
      HearMeRoar

      Hey JanetA! Being newly diagnosed is the WORST kind of H-E-L-L I have experienced to date! So devastating not knowing what to expect, feeling as though nobody understands etc. I promise you it gets better as you get a plan in place and get moving with treatment. You don't have to stay positive - you can react however is best for you. For me it was good to count my blessings in the midst of my trial. You can do this, Janet. Your strength may surprise you. XOXO

      almost 7 years ago
    • MMarie's Avatar
      MMarie

      This link hopefully will take you to a poem I wrote called, "It's Cancer". I hope it helps.

      https://www.whatnext.com/questions/it-s-cancer--1?utm_campaign=Notify&utm_content=FollowedQuestion&utm_campaign=website&utm_source=sendgrid.com&utm_medium=email

      almost 7 years ago
    • JanetA's Avatar
      JanetA

      Thanks everyone. I was very upset last night.

      almost 7 years ago
    • acalltofaith's Avatar
      acalltofaith

      Hey Janet. I also can relate to your feelings. I was diagnosed with bone cancer several years ago, and it still haunts me today. I agree totally with HearMeRoar's response. We are not all Lance Armstrong's (nor might we want to be) and all react different to the news. When a plan comes together for action you will feel a little more in control, and hopefully progress forward.

      I don't know whether you are spiritual or not, but that was my one and only salvation on getting through the tough times. Friends and family are wonderful, but they often can't relate nor be there or understand what your going through. God bless you!

      almost 7 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      There's a lot going on for you. In some ways you're lucky that you can cry, and you do cry. It's more socially acceptable than being stoic- and everybody thinking that you're mentally, emotionally incompetent, and then flying into a rage. I try to listen, be calm, and find out everything I can.

      You're more normal and the counselors and staff will relate better to you, and can help you better. A mild antidepressant should help you-there's tons of pills out there, and doctors willing to dispense them. Illnesses can alter the hormones in your brain, and the stress of having an incurable bone eating cancer does effect how we react to what people say. The treatments are often brutal in themselves, which changes us.

      You aren't weak or wrong. For myself, I feel alone. I'm in remission right now, but I realize that I'm sort of an experiment for all of the oncologists and other doctors. I saw a new doctor 2 weeks ago and he disapproved of the radiation treatment. Of course he wanted my records-he needs them-but I'm like a time bomb. I felt threatened that he was telling me why radiation was wrong-he needed to talk to the radiologist-which is the doctor that I depend on the most. When I made the appointment, I told them that I was in remission from cancer, and I asked them if I should have my oncologists either give me records or FAX records over to the new doctor. That was part of my disgust in listening to this new doctor-

      I told this new doctor that other doctors don't think much of radiation, but they are glad that I am in remission. I think that I embarrassed him. The next morning I woke up weeping-it still bothers me

      People ask me about a bucket list. Each day without it coming back is a 'bucket list'.

      almost 7 years ago
    • dhall's Avatar
      dhall

      As with the rest of our community "I" agree you are experiencing very real and normal feelings for the situation thrust upon you, it can be allot to absorb all at once / suddenly! Being emotional as a result seems completely natural! My diagnosis came 10 days after being admitted for emergency surgery, which altered my life forever, every thing changed in less then 24 hours. For me the goal has been to salvage the best of what I have left! I hope that there is a lot of "Good" left for you and that "YOU" may have the opportunity to enjoy it to the most!

      almost 7 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      There's a lot of good advice here. I know I cried when I first got my diagnosis. It's normal. All our plans and hopes and expectations have just changed in an instant. That takes some adjusting. Give yourself time to grieve your changed status. Find someone you can talk to - family, friend, someone. Talking about this new journey will be helpful. Many hospitals/medical centers have cancer groups that get together and talk about exactly this kind of issue and many others. Check to see if your care providers have a group for you.

      Finally, my toughest battle is not trying to be strong for everyone else. I am learning to ask for help, to say when I don't feel well, to include family, friends and loved ones in my struggle. I am strong and I will come through this but I need their help and I will ask for that help.

      We're here for you too. Hugs!

      almost 7 years ago
    • Whitey61's Avatar
      Whitey61

      Diagnosis is tough on every one of us, but we accept it, what other choice do we have?, , What works for me is my spiritual beliefs , I stay as active as possible, I exercise 3 days a week, I chair a support group, I volunteer in the livestrong YMCA program as a program mentor for other cancer patients, I have a supportive family and friends network, and I never look back at what I've been thru..I live for the day and look to my future, , anytime I have a down moment, I just thank God for another day, I've lost family , co-workers and friends suddenly, we are all going to die eventually, make the most of the time we are blessed with and keep living...Don't let Cancer dictate your life....LIVESTRONG.

      about 4 years ago

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