• I'm in need of some advice. If anyone is willing to read my story and provide some words of encouragement, it would be the greatest thing

    Asked by erburns on Saturday, March 17, 2012

    I'm in need of some advice. If anyone is willing to read my story and provide some words of encouragement, it would be the greatest thing

    5 Answers from the Community

    5 answers
    • CarolLHRN's Avatar

      You can share your journey on this site and lots of people will read it and provide you support.

      over 8 years ago
    • nowwhat's Avatar

      Hi! Well, I've been married for 15 years and my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer last week. We have 3 kids and he is an amazing father, husband and friend. Today he had his appointment with his chemo doctor. I called him to hear how it went and he told me he didn't want to fight, get chemo or surgery. He wanted to talk with his insurance guy to make sure he will leave us is good hands for our future. I think he is terrified. I feel so bad for him, I told him we need him so he has to fight. I think he is in shock still. I want him to get over that stage and I am hoping he gets in a more positive mode and starts fighting. I think they think we deserve better. They don't want to accept that they are the best for us and we are in this together, they just happened to get cancer but that doesn't mean they are useless! And yes, we are here to make them laugh and feel good because that is really an amazing medicine!

      over 8 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Thats what we're here for, just lay it out and everyone will share. I have been through this 3 times and I am still here and doing pretty good if that's any encouragement to you. Let us know what we can do.

      over 8 years ago
    • attypatty's Avatar

      Dear erburns:
      I read your story with great interest. I don't know if I will be encouraging or not, but I would like to share two life stories - two stories with similarities but which are startling in their differences. The first is the story of my cousin, a good man, great husband, provider, intelligent with an important high-tech job. He was 60 when diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was married, no children. He lived to work. He kept his cancer a secret from his wife for 5 years, believing that she couldn't handle the stress, etc. In his final year, it became far too obvious that he was sick and couldn't hide it any longer from his wife. His last 6 months were spent in bed at home, with a wife who didn't have time to adjust to the reality, was so busy feeling sorry for herself that she didn't have the strength to help him and who resented that he had kept his cancer a secret. They were not happy those last months and she has yet to move on though it is nearly two years since he passed. He left a life insurance policy which she soon spent on a lot of "stuff" to try and make her happy.
      The second story is about a friend of mine, a young women about 28. Her husband had brain cancer, diagnosed when he was about 30 after they had been married for about 5 years. A young couple without children, they lived their lives for each other. Both had good jobs in the high-tech industry and planned on a family until his cancer interrupted their plans. They went through his cancer journey together, with her helping him every day. The last year of his life was spent mostly at home with her caring for him. She was sad when he died but stronger for the experience. And she made his last months as comfortable and happy as was possible. Because he was employed with a good company at the time he died, he left a great deal of life insurance (over half a million) and she used some of it to start scholarships in memory of her husband.
      We don't know what course cancer may take and how the journey may unfold. All I have learned is that this is a journey that should not be taken alone. Please stay close to your boyfriend. Staying close actually makes it better, easier in the long run, even if the result is inevitable. Tell him it won't be easier on you if he pushes you away now. First of all, if he fights, he may survive. Living without a colon is still living. How many of us are living without breasts, or organs, or who knows what all? We are still living and that's the point. Tell him that you need to live through this with him, no matter where it leads. You both can do this together, far better than either of you can deal with this alone.

      over 8 years ago
    • DJS's Avatar

      I'm not sure if erburns is still folllowing this, but if you have a similar situation this might help you.

      In 1998 I was told I had a genetic kidney disease, and somewhere down the road I'd be needing a transplant. I told only the people who needed to know (3?), and went on with my life. I was in my early 40s, single, great life and great health (well, except for my kidneys!), and it didn't seem real to me.

      Later that year, after all those years of wishin' and hopin', I met Mr. Right. Around Date #3 I realized this could get serious and he deserved to know about my health before we got too involved. He responded appropriately, but truthfully neither of us had experience with anything like this, and when you're falling in love everything else seems unimportant.

      A few months down the line Mr. Right asked me to marry him. I said no -- my health situation made my future too uncertain, and it didn't seem fair. Without missing a beat he told me he was going to be there anyway...and he was! In fact, I even have his kidney now! He was right -- if you love someone, friend or not, you're going to be by their side while they go through health crises, bad times, happy times...the works.

      We've been together through the transplant, through a lot of other crises, and now cancer. And you know...it's all been a Big Deal, but it doesn't define us. In fact, maybe we're so close because we know what's important -- us -- and what's not (we don't sweat the small stuff!).

      Illness or not, it's always something. Better to enjoy whatever you can -- like a new love in your life -- than focus on what might or might not be. Go for it, whatever 'It' is. True love, like true friends, will be by your side no matter what surprises life has in store.

      almost 7 years ago

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