• I need your thoughts on how to handle a family member that keeps insisting that my thyroid cancer isn't a big deal.

    Asked by bigjan1 on Sunday, July 15, 2018

    I need your thoughts on how to handle a family member that keeps insisting that my thyroid cancer isn't a big deal.

    I have been told to not talk about it, even to STFU one time, that he didn't want to hear it. I have told him that he has no idea what I'm going through and he should be the one to shut up. The family went through a trying time when my Dad died and all the legal stuff with probate had to be done. Then when I got a little money from Dad's will, he was mad about that and said something childish like the only reason I got anything was that Dad felt sorry for me.

    He has now been diagnosed with Lupus and I almost feel giddy. I sent him an email and told him that now he might feel what it's like to be in my shoes. The family has split over this crap and I am done with him. Am I wrong? He isn't a reasonable person and I actually think he has mental issues. I just don't need it and think my health is better off if I never see him again, but is that too drastic?

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I am so sorry, @bigjan. You know the saying, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.

      I choose my friends over my very small family. I don't have much regard for the family I have left (except for a couple of cousins, my husband, and my son and his wife who are incredibly supportive). Actions speak way louder than words, but words can be hurtful, too.

      My itty bitty family is split too. It is sad, but it is definitely not stopping me from living and enjoying my life completely. Thoughts of the ones I have no contact with rarely enter my mind unless someone asks how they're doing. If I never see my only sibling again, it will be too soon.

      3 months ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      Dump the jerk. I wrote a song about this when it was happening to me called DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE....Let me know if you want to hear it. You need this guy like a hole in the head.

      3 months ago
    • CancerChicky's Avatar
      CancerChicky

      End it, be done with him, we don't need that kind of negativity in our lives!

      3 months ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      You need to care for yourself. If you are unable to forgive him and he pulls you off balance, you are certainly entitled to simply let him go.

      Not everyone can be saved.

      Best wishes

      3 months ago
    • wendyp1000's Avatar
      wendyp1000

      You don't state if you live near this person or if you bump into this person seldomly or frequently at family get togethers. If it is seldomly - then I wouldn't bother feeling badly about never speaking to him again.

      If it is a situation where you are often at the same family function, I would still go to the function to socialize with OTHER family members, but ignore him. If he walks up to a group discussion, excuse yourself and walk away... he will eventually get the message that you have nothing more to say ... the rest of your family will see what is going on and then can decide how to deal with him on their own...

      3 months ago
    • KB2013's Avatar
      KB2013

      barryboomer, stop teasing us, please...you know we all want to hear "Don't Rain On My Parade".

      3 months ago
    • gpgirl70's Avatar
      gpgirl70

      There is no reason to engage with someone family or not who brings out such negativity

      3 months ago

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