• I want to be at peace with my diagnosis. I have good support from family and friends.

    Asked by Karen on Wednesday, May 16, 2012

    I want to be at peace with my diagnosis. I have good support from family and friends.

    My support group is mainly made up of women who are cancer free. I will never by cancer free. What have others done to be at peace?

    7 Answers from the Community

    7 answers
    • SunnyCloud's Avatar

      Im cancer free, but the way I deal with that is..I focus on God, church, & my family. I try not to think or read about cancer. I dont want it to consume my days which I consider a gift each time the sun rises. xoxox

      almost 9 years ago
    • mgm48's Avatar

      I too will with current treatment options, never be cancer free. I decided that I could focus on the cancer or life. I chose life. I am doing whatever I can to extend my life in a quality way and truly celebrating the wonder of my wife, children and grandchildren. I firmly embrace the idea that there is no black cloud that does not have a silver lining. I know some are hard to find but I just look harder.
      Hope this helps, all the best to you.

      almost 9 years ago
    • workit's Avatar


      This is not meant to proselytize, it's just what happened to me. Before I began treatment, when all the crazy thoughts were going through my head, particularly at night when I was supposed to be resting in order to help my body better fight cancer, I was fortunate and got to that place of peace. For me it was through Jesus. After receiving peace I started sleeping through the night and the night sweats stopped.

      I can't really explain the details of it all, just that I accepted that I had cancer, could die sooner than I wanted, but that I could not fight cancer on my own - so okay God, how do you want me to go through this? Somehow in that moment I knew that God and others would go through the fight with me, and that I had to stop trying to do it all on my own. I was soon overwhelmed by the support I received from people, this was the most significant part of the entire cancer journey for me.

      The fact that I was the only one in my extended family to get a mid-life cancer, being the most athletic by far of any of them, and comparably, having by far the better diet, just points to environmental factors beyond our control. Sometimes life is not fair, I accepted that and never went to the 'why me' place, I started focusing on helping my body fight cancer.

      My cancer is 'incurable' at the moment, although there is a small percentage (3%) of natual spontaneous remissions. However, I feel fortunate that my cancer is an indolent type and can be managed fairly well. Cancer is always there on the back burner, but like SunnyCloud, I try to focus on the other things in life, and plan to deal with the cancer if and when I have to.

      All this helps me feel at peace, I'm surprised at questions people ask me 'how are you doing', etc., because I then realize that I haven't been ruminating on my cancer. Although should my situation change I imagine I may be revisiting some aspects of peace. But for now, this is how I got here. I also learned that just because I have peace does not mean I have a peacful life - 2 of my kids are teenagers, and my personal flaws can still, at times, be magnified by them!

      I sincerely yearn for your peace too.

      almost 9 years ago
    • JannD's Avatar


      I am sorry you are having a hard time. For me, it is my husband who is going through this; so , of course, it is me too in so many ways. One year now, and I recall the day we got the diagnosis, I am not sure if I could look ahead and think he would be doing so well. We have learned that , for now, anyway, he seems to be feeling poorly about one week after his treatment and then slowly gets back to himself. So, only one week a month is kind of bad. But, I have some thoughts to offer. I am also an RN who worked many years in critical care nursing. Often someone would be in the ICU, and I would be talking to their family members. The one thing I learned is this is a weird sort of gift. I say that because most people are floating along through life thinking they are somewhat invincible, or, at least, that they will be okay until they are "old" whatever age that is. Then a forty yr. old, healthy guy, drops over on the golf course from a heart attack. He never had a chance to even have a warning, to say what he wanted to say. His family had no time to prepare. Even if it is years away, if we know we are "under the gun" so to speak, I think we begin to see each day as a gift, as we should. NO ONE is promised tomorrow. Today IS a gift, that is why it is called the PRESENT! :-)
      For Jack and I, we have discovered so many good thing, like the fact that he could no longer work, means we are together every day. Before we had just an hour or two that we would see each other, many times in a hurry. Our days off were not the same. Now we know how precious this is. We also know that when stupid things are irritating, if it would have caused you to bring it up and maybe cause hurt feelings, now we say to ourselves, "will this be important tomorrow?" If not, forget it.
      Plus, for us, we would be lost without our faith. Jack has become so much closer to God, never wants to miss church, even if he does not feel so well. The people there send cards, and call all the time. It is a great extended family, too.

      Well, I have benn blabbing enough here, but you , hopefully will see some possible things that are good.
      The last thing I want to say from a nurse's point of view is attitude is at least 90% of this. When I was in nursing school I was taught the difference between disease and illness.
      Disease is something that happens to the body
      Illness is what happens to the mind.
      Just because you have a disease, you can choose whether or not to be ILL. Positive thinking keeps the immune system working better, too. Not just an emotional response, but a physical one.
      So concentrate on being WELL, and you will be, at least emotionally

      Blessings to you and your family

      almost 9 years ago
    • Karen's Avatar

      Thank you everyone for your response. I guess I just needed to reach out as I was not having a good day. But i know I have good support thank you for taking time from your day to help this old girl out.....!

      almost 9 years ago
    • MarnieC's Avatar

      I loved Jann's answer and, in fact, I wrote a blog yesterday about 10 Steps to a Positive Attitude - here's the link: http://marnieclark.com/10-steps-to-a-positive-attitude/ . Hope it helps. There's a follow-up post today about how to put together positive affirmations that work.
      Sending you loads of love and healing today. xoxox

      almost 9 years ago
    • workit's Avatar

      Odd side here. I didn't write XXX, as in something adult. I'm curious that this site deleted the name associated with my faith. As I said, not proselytizing, just telling my journey.

      Regardless, I hope your day turns around Karen, and that the support of others on here helps you towards your peace.

      almost 9 years ago

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