• If you have cancer, do you view yourself as a victim at all?

    Asked by PhillieG on Sunday, August 7, 2011

    If you have cancer, do you view yourself as a victim at all?

    105 Answers from the Community

    105 answers
    • Tom's Avatar
      Tom

      Hi PhillieG. I had moments where I was almost angry, like why did this have to happen to me? But in general, and this may also be because I am now a 12 year survivor, I actually feel my life is all the better as a result. I have a much better perspective now, I appreciate more, and I live more fully. I remember a story from Lance Armstrong's book, where he was talking to a young girl cancer patient in the infusion center, and she told him "we're the lucky ones." At first he thought she was crazy, but later felt a more profound understanding of what she meant.

      - Tom
      http://www.turningthirty.org

      over 5 years ago
    • RE16's Avatar
      RE16

      Hi Phil~to answer your question No, I never ever viewed myself as a victim. I figure everyone ends up with some type of illness and since it seems to run rampant in my family the odds were pretty darned good that I would get it. The best thing for me to do is to figure out how to survive this and continue to have a new normal.

      over 5 years ago
    • Buckwirth's Avatar
      Buckwirth

      No. I had periods of sadness and depression, but never saw myself as a victim. I also never got angry.

      over 5 years ago
    • lovekitties' Avatar
      lovekitties

      Hi Phil, no I never considered myself a victim, in fact I didn't even shed a tear. Just got on with what needed to be done.

      over 5 years ago
    • Susie09's Avatar
      Susie09

      Hey Phil! I have never, nor would I ever, use the word victim in my case. I've never felt like I was. Ofcourse I was hurt, scared and had no idea of what was going to happen, but, with the love and support of my doctors, my husband, my family, my friends and God, I knew I could get thru it and I did! It really does help to have a strong support group around you, as, there are times when you need to pull strength from them.

      over 5 years ago
    • BellaLuna's Avatar
      BellaLuna

      Absolutely NOT! I didn't see myself as a victim nor did I want others to view me as being "sick". I have known some wonderful people who have had cancer and lost their battle. They certainly weren't deserving of this awful disease and neither was I. My view is cancer invaded my and my family's life, but it sure wasn't going to define who I was and how I was going to live. As another Survivor said, " My ovaries had cancer, but I didn't." In my case, my right breast had cancer, but I sure as heck didn't. My surgeon, who happened to be a breast cancer surgeon, took that blasted disease out of my body and I went forward with my recovery plan. It's been two years for me and I continue to move FORWARD!

      over 5 years ago
    • cinnamonsmile's Avatar
      cinnamonsmile

      No, I never thought of myself as a victim. I have had a lot of things go bad in my life since childhood and just looked at it as another crappy thing in life. Even with the severe neuropathy and scar tissue issues I have from a BMX with node dissection, I don't see myself as a victim, just something I have to go through.

      over 5 years ago
    • Lighthouse_7's Avatar
      Lighthouse_7

      Hi Phil,
      NO I never felt like a victim at all. I knew that I had to fight hard and took on that battle with conviction. I was scared but a doctor told me that the people who have the best outcomes have the best attitudes. I never forgot that.

      over 5 years ago
    • Denise's Avatar
      Denise

      I never felt like a victim. It was odd for me, I was always fairly emotional about everything else in my life, then I had cancer and I just pulled up my boot straps and dealt with it. It is amazing what happens sometimes when a person is faced with dire circumstances. I am happy to say I rose to the occassion and punched cancer in the face...TWICE!

      over 5 years ago
    • MAGNUM1's Avatar
      MAGNUM1

      Yes, I did initially. I was diagnosed over 7 years ago. I went through many stages: disbelief, denial, anger, etc.

      It takes time to put things in perspective.

      It has never been easy, but you must live life to its fullest.

      I refuse to give up. I will NOT allow my active cancer to be in charge! I am in control of my life..........

      over 5 years ago
    • ChrisRu's Avatar
      ChrisRu

      No victim here. It has also its positive sites. Now I am an expert on royal families, cooking recepies and other things I never wanted to know thanks to the fact that 95% of the magazins available at my chemo are yellow press...

      over 5 years ago
    • tnhhill94's Avatar
      tnhhill94

      Hey phil. Im 17 years old and im a lung cancer survivor..I never felt like a victim I'm just glad to be alive and get people to look at the little things in life and try to take it in, cancer changed mine and my familys life it makes you look at a different perspective..

      over 5 years ago
    • mysecondchance's Avatar
      mysecondchance

      I never thought of myself as a victim. I never asked, why me? A few years ago I saw someone on tv who was asked if they felt, why me? They answered that they felt, why not me? I remembered that. I figured that if I asked why me, I was willing for someone else to have my cancer and I did not wish it on anyone else.

      over 5 years ago
    • mspinkladybug's Avatar
      mspinkladybug

      victims die survivors live

      over 5 years ago
    • Indyeastside's Avatar
      Indyeastside

      No not really. Life happens. But I feel earned it too. Too many cheeseburgers, nasty work environment, vitamin E regiment, seditary life style, over weight most of my life.

      over 5 years ago
    • dahulagirl's Avatar
      dahulagirl

      I have never asked "why me?" or felt like a victim.

      over 5 years ago
    • BrandenC's Avatar
      BrandenC

      I go through phases, and every once in awhile I will feel like a victim. But after 7 years and 3 recurrences it is impossible to feel postive all the time.

      over 5 years ago
    • msdcstak's Avatar
      msdcstak

      I have never thought of myself as a victim - my mother had breast cancer as well, and it's just in my genetic makeup, I suppose. I don't think it's due to anything I did "bad" in my past. I agree with Indyeastside, "life happens." But I don't think you're being punished for eating cheeseburgers! :-)

      over 5 years ago
    • Karen4's Avatar
      Karen4

      Never thought of myself as a victim. Sometimes I wondered why and how I got it, but I never felt victimized-it wwas just one of those things that happens in life that I always prayerd would never happen to me, but it did, so I dealt with it and cotinue to deal with it and do anything my care team asks of me to get better. If anything, it just made me even stronger and more stubborn than ever! LOL Keeping a positive attitude is EVERYTHING! You can't afford to feel victimized.

      over 5 years ago
    • EskimoDoll's Avatar
      EskimoDoll

      I view myself as a survivor. I have stage 4 Colon Cancer... the darn thing spread to my liver. I'm a survivor, I want to live, I want to see the cure happen in my lifetime.

      I get sad when I think of doing chemo indefinately. I hate that I am getting tired and that the nausea lasts longer with each session.. but I like that the cancer is stable.

      over 5 years ago
    • akristine's Avatar
      akristine

      I don't feel like a victim because until I was diagnosed with retriperitoneal liposarcoma, I was one of the support people for a very good friend with non-Hodgkins B lymphoma. We've stayed in touch daily throughout her treatment and she will be there for me as I start mine. The cancer will never make a victim out of me.

      about 5 years ago
    • hometown's Avatar
      hometown

      Hi Phil, can't say a victim, but sure have had a lot of mixed emotions since diagnosed. I was told I would only live 6 months if I was lucky, and moved back to my original state to see an oncologist here. I had all the scans done and was told NED. What a surprise that was. Well the part of my story is I had no support during my chemo and no one to take me, so I had the cancer society provide a ride to and from my treatments I felt very sad and alone as I didn't know the drivers, and was feeling sick and alone. This cancer road has been a rocky trip and when you are alone with this disease it is hard to stay up beat. Everytime I go for my tests I get scared and the wait to see if the cancer is back is very hard for me. When you have no one it makes it hard to fight, but I try my best

      about 5 years ago
    • Scientific's Avatar
      Scientific

      I think I am a victim I have colon cancer that has spread to my brain on initial diagnosis. When colon cancer spreads to the brain the changes are you have thousands of small tumour cells in your brain having the worst prognosis of all brain cancers. I am a fighter but its a big ask I cried once in private but found out quickly I can't be negative or sad as I only have a few months 3 or 4 tops. Think there are no long term survivors ever reported with multiple mets in brain so thinking I am going to live for a year or more is fanciful. I found vitamins and the like to slow the mets but need to get past blood brain barrier to work and no drugs to date can get inside the areas of my brain affected. I can't give give up so I have paid to be cryogenically frozen in the hope that in the future they can bring me back and cure my cancer as I say never give up as there are no circumstances where you can't win.

      almost 5 years ago
    • judalou's Avatar
      judalou

      Hi Phil...Knowing I have very strong family history of ovarian cancer I tried for the last decade to have reproductive organs removed. To no avail...No pain or bleeding...Dr's won't tests inconclusive....Now in stage 4 ovarian, February surgery failed,calcified tumors unresectable....Angry because it never had to be allowed to reach this point. Victim of the failed "healthcare system"...

      almost 5 years ago
    • PhillieG's Avatar
      PhillieG

      Well, that really sucks to say the least.
      That's a different story, not a lesser story by any means. Incompetency and failed systems, especially when dealing with someone else's health is inexcusable.
      I'm very sorry.

      BTW: Thank you to all who have answered my question. I have not read through these yet, I plan on it. This one jumped out at me but of course, every answer is important "and we appreciate YOUR business" (as they say)

      almost 5 years ago
    • shebear's Avatar
      shebear

      I am a DES daughter and was told when I was 16 that I wouldn't live past 30. By the time that cancer developed, the medical community had figured out what to do. At the time, I was 28 and the mother of a 3 year old. My primary concern was my boy and I didn't really think of anything else. Obviously, I had successful treatment. That experience changed my life in good ways. I became more courageous and left my then husband who was emotionally abusive and went back to college and earned my Masters in Counseling Psychology. My 3 year old is 31 and he is providing emotional support to me. And my now husband, of 23 years,is awesome.

      As for this time around, I still don't feel like a victim. My response to diagnosis was an "oh, well," a "what next" and concern for my husband as I know how hard illness can be on the family. One of the things I have thought is that there are a lot of things that can kill you. I've had pneumonia, massive sepsis from a gangrenous appendix and I ride a big motorcycle; all of which can kill you. My faith provides me with the secure knowledge of where I am going so I am not afraid of death.

      A victim? Never. Poop happens and you just deal with it one day at a time.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Dabarc4u's Avatar
      Dabarc4u

      NEVER. I was a cancer survivor the first day I found out I had cancer. And I am doing it a day at a time.

      almost 5 years ago
    • shhwee's Avatar
      shhwee

      I think of myself as a Warrior.
      When I was in chemo I would fantasize that an epic war was being fought in my body. And everytime chemo knocked me on my butt, I figured it was because my inner warrior had made a big attack on my tumor.

      almost 5 years ago
    • attypatty's Avatar
      attypatty

      No, I call myself a refugee. The difference between a victim and a refugee is that the victim stays in place and allows him/herself to continue to be victimized. The refugee, on the other hand, runs like H*** for a better place, a better life, a new start and a new future. The victim stays in the shadow, afraid to move. The refugee will leave the comfort zone and do everything he/she can to outrun the danger.

      almost 5 years ago
    • wecdlc's Avatar
      wecdlc

      I am not a victim of cancer. I am a enemy of the us governments use of pesticides in vietnam and of their healthcare system which allowed my cancer to get to stage iv before diagnosis. I am fighting, not my country, which I will die for, but government agencies. Their attitude toward veterans as second class citizens who must jump through their hoops to get the crumbs they offer. The Veterans Administration kills more veterans than combat.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Blue's Avatar
      Blue

      No. However, I have become more aware of the careless use of toxic chemicals in our environment, from food additives to fertilizers to cleaning products, cosmetics and so on.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Blue's Avatar
      Blue

      No. However, I have become more aware of the careless use of toxic chemicals in our environment, from food additives to fertilizers to cleaning products, cosmetics and so on.

      almost 5 years ago
    • steve70x7's Avatar
      steve70x7

      This is a great question. I think cancer is a part of life that really didn't surprise me. If anything I was surprised that it took so long to show up. My family has a long history of cancer and I have a genetic disorder that made me predisposed to liver cancer.

      Victim? No. Just human. As I move down this road I'm feeling like more than a survivor, I feel, as the Bible says, like a conqueror.

      almost 5 years ago
    • PetraW's Avatar
      PetraW

      I never allowed myself to feel like a victim. I knew, that if I let that mindset move in, I would not be able to keep my head above water and fight. There are always options we have and we can actively choose, even if it is only our attitude and view on things. Once you are a victim you are doomed and you are at the mercy of others or circumstances. I always tried to be one step ahead and make my choices, be informed or even in my darkest chemo moments looked at the next step forward: Tiny steps at times - get up go to the bathroom, make yourself a cup of tea, walk to the mailbox...never feel sorry for yourself!

      almost 5 years ago
    • Casey17's Avatar
      Casey17

      I would yes I was very upset.....then I had a family member told me that this was I test from God to see how much I loved him.... This really has tested my faith and I can say it has made a difference in me and my family....

      over 4 years ago
    • PhillieG's Avatar
      PhillieG

      Casey, I would feel very victimized by the family member. Not only is it a ridiculous comment as is, it's even more horrible when a "friend" or family member says that. Cancer is equal opportunity destroyer. People with incredible spiritual faith as well as people who have no spiritual faith get cancer.

      I feel sorry for those who have such beliefs...

      over 4 years ago
    • jimbo's Avatar
      jimbo

      most people will think i'm crazy, and probally am, but mine was a blessing for me. in the beginning it wasn't though, fear turned into anger and then hate. i blamed others and then myself. i know now it was something that was meant to be and that theres nothing i could have done differently. it's what we do with it is what matters. it has left we with a experience i can share with others that are going through it and show them it's gonna be ok. i'm the lucky one but it was also a long time for me to see it this way, a victim? no. a person thats been given another chance, yes!

      over 4 years ago
    • toosywoots' Avatar
      toosywoots

      So far which has been only a week of knowing about this cancer, I just consider myself a downright idiot and I'm angry. I want to blame my doctor partly and the idiot doctor who gave me my first colonoscopy without medication. It wasn't really his fault though, it was my own stubborness from wanting to go through it again stood in the way of being sensible about it and having it repeated. My doctor kept wanting to send me back to be tortured and referred me to a different doctor who was also nasty. He refused to take me as a patient because of the cliques between the doctors in my area. I don't feel I am a victim though. Statistics show Michigan as one of the top states for colon cancer. I didn't know this until it happened to me. I have several biologists in our family and we didn't discuss how to prevent colon cancer on our visits. They could have told me before the subject had the subject come up, that Michigan was robbed of selenium from the Glaciers that covered our state thousands of years ago. They could have told me to eat fresh broccoli and cabbage more or take supplements because they feel that the lack of this vitamin in our area possibly causes more cancer. I avoided vegetables and my diet was everything wrong. I went with the attitude that life is short, eat what you want, you are going to die anyway. My husband had been a health food and exercise nut and he died of brain cancer last year. There was colon cancer in my family--my cousin my age just died from a 10 year battle with it.

      over 4 years ago
    • joey's Avatar
      joey

      Loaded question. A victim of ignorance and bad or inadequate advice, maybe. But as most of the others have said, at one point in our lives we all have to face our own mortality. But when it happens, what a kick in the pants! I lost my husband to cancer in 2007 and watched the emotional roller coaster he went through. It has left me anxious and sad. And every day I wonder how I can make things better, not only for myself but also for others.

      over 4 years ago
    • msunique900's Avatar
      msunique900

      At first , I was shocked and wondered why me. I was about 43 years old when diagnosed. I got over that. Somethings happen to us that we have no control over. I just had to go with the flow and deal with. Now I'm cancer free. It was a long journey and I have some side effects but I'm alive.

      over 4 years ago
    • pegoirwin's Avatar
      pegoirwin

      I did not see myself that way (as a victim) until this week, actually, when the cancer moved into my small intestine and stomach. I now feel that having the colon resection (and colostomy) 2 years ago September was only the beginning. Stupid me went into denial. Led a gainful lie running a nonprofit. However, I have totally cried the last two days coming out of that denial to my end of life scenario which was brought on by the cancer "winning". CT scans are almost useless to point out this aggressive cancer. The MRI found something and then exploratory surgery found the growth. I am still hopeful and am on chemotherapy. But it is not easy. I have a supportive network of friends (not much family other than my fabulous husband) but stil feel I was chosen somehow wrongly. Not one person in my family (other than an aunt) had it. I have to get on with joy and it is hard to find these days. Any hints?

      over 4 years ago
    • Effiemae's Avatar
      Effiemae

      Cancer is like any other illness. You can either choose or choose not to be a victim. I choose not to be. Of course cancer is probably THE illness of all illnesses and it was a shocker when I was diagnosed, but a positive attitude is half the battle. Laugh a lot, too.

      over 4 years ago
    • Dani's Avatar
      Dani

      Hey Phillie I do not know for sure if I have cancer or not but I am going through many test and my test in the past are definitely not a good sign to what is happening now. But do I view myself as a victim? Absolutely not because just by being on this sight it has taught me that there are so many people in my position and worse that it gives me the strength to keep on fighting. If the person who got this before me was able to beat it why can't I? I hope that you can realize that life is a gift and that is all that it is.There is no better, No worse, Just now. You can only make the best of your situation today not tomorrow because you have no idea what is to come tomorrow. Please let me know if I could be of any help. I hope to hear from you soon. Xoxo Dani

      over 4 years ago
    • markmather's Avatar
      markmather

      I attempted to answer this question in a recent blog post. Here is the link. http://www.markmather.org/uncategorized/a-product-of-imagination/

      over 4 years ago
    • TheEvilyn8's Avatar
      TheEvilyn8

      Hello PhillieG....If we are victims, then we have fallen...We are fighters until the last breathe. That is how I feel.

      over 4 years ago
    • petulisa's Avatar
      petulisa

      I guess there is a little of 'why me?" But then, why not me? I have been fairly unemotional about the whole process. I broke down and cried hard for few minutes last summer, but in general? It's here. All I can do is to continue to live a healthy life style, stay informed and follow my Drs. lead. In many ways I have become a better person. I have come to appreciate the amazing people I meet at chemo each week. (My new social club).. I have more empathy and more love of life. I view things a bit differently, and am less impatient... But victim? If so---it is a growing set of victims. Frighteningly exponential growth of cancers...

      over 4 years ago
    • blondie's Avatar
      blondie

      A victim looks for false pity and support. Helping others with your illness can be supportive.

      over 4 years ago
    • krogers' Avatar
      krogers

      Hi PhillieG, I never felt like a victim to Cancer. I have was diagnosis on July 6th and from that day - I started to think about how to beat it with everything I had inside of me. I think everyone is different with how they accept their diagnosis and treatments. We can have a down day, but we keep on going. I look up to God to help me on my down time. I believe if you think as yourself as a victim you are letting yourself down and the fight inside of you. Hope all is well with you.

      over 4 years ago
    • Paul-a-Sir-5-4's Avatar
      Paul-a-Sir-5-4

      Instead, I see it as an opportunity to be closer to people and to share my learning experience.

      over 4 years ago
    • Moonflay's Avatar
      Moonflay

      Victim: a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency

      Aren't we all victims of this atrocious disease? Whether we have it, know someone who has it or have lost a loved one to it, we have all been touched by it. We all live with the threat of cancer now, everyone!

      What I refuse to do is take on the "victim mentality" : a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment

      I choose life, I have the right to fight for my life and to help myself and others facing the same issues. I will not sit back and do nothing!

      What I hope for is to know that one day my son and his future children might not face the same threat we all live with today!

      over 4 years ago
    • PhillieG's Avatar
      PhillieG

      It's been over a year since I posted this question and there have been such great responses from everyone. The overwhelming response has been a hearty "NO". Moonflay, your response probably fits some people's feelings. I see being a victim slightly differently but your definition is certainly valid. The bigger point that you make is how you view ourself and how we all view ourselves.
      Being a victim (I find) gives control to your cancer. I think that after one does that they, often give up much of their will to fight. Maybe it's alway tied in to how a person was prior to their diagnosis? If you're a Debbie or Donald Downer in general, I'd be surprised if they'd be Happy Harriet or Harry.
      (I have no idea how/where/why I came up with those names!!!)
      Please keep fighting cancer and supporting others.
      Only YOU can make yourself a victim and often victims don't survive...
      -phil

      over 4 years ago
    • RennFaireMom's Avatar
      RennFaireMom

      No. God has a reason for this. He sees the big picture. Maybe there are things that I need to learn and this is how He is teaching me. Maybe there are others that can learn from helping or watching me go through this. I am alive. Life is good. I am finding out who my friends are and learning that I am loved more than I ever thought. How can I look at that and be a victim.

      over 4 years ago
    • Jeana1975's Avatar
      Jeana1975

      As a woman who has survived rape, I can honestly say that I don't make a habit of feeling like 'the victim' when it comes to any situation. A victim is someone who chooses to let they who did the victimizing win, thereby giving over their power to the aggressor. When I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, I realized that this is really no different. It's something aggressive invading my body, and I don't want there. Having said that, I refuse to entertain the 'woe is me' factor. Rather I immediately put on my boxing gloves and said to my cancer 'Let's Do This, B***h, you're going down!' I'm only 37, I've had no children and have always longed to be a mother. Well, since getting the cancerous ovarian tumor taken out, and my Gynecologic Oncologist found that my uterus was fully involved with the tumor during surgery...I ended up with a full hysterectomy. So I absolutely know I could feel sorry for myself, and rightly...I could mope around because I'll never have children from my own body, but I won't. That isn't what a warrior does when he/she gets wounded...they let the doc patch em up, they take sword in hand and head right back into battle. But that is just my perspective on your quarry :)

      over 4 years ago
    • lifeinhishands' Avatar
      lifeinhishands

      No, not really... to me, a victim is left helpless and I never felt that way. Even though my original diagnosis was not good, I never thought, not for one moment, this would end my life. I have a passion for life and know God has a purpose outlined for me that wasn't finished yet...... When you know you're here with a purpose and to make life better for those around you, it changes your outlook on everything that happens..good or bad.

      over 4 years ago
    • Nattynurse's Avatar
      Nattynurse

      No not really

      over 4 years ago
    • tinydotz's Avatar
      tinydotz

      No. I never have. I have never asked why me. I figured the Lord picked me to have cancer because he knows I could handle it when someone I love could not. I have a terminal illness and I am ok with dying.

      over 4 years ago
    • drval's Avatar
      drval

      Absolutely NOT! Conversely, a VICTOR! Wrote a book called, "Victory over cancer: live as if it were true...because it is!" Encouragement and Hope through the process. Check out the website: http://www.drvaleriewillman.com/book-victory-over-cancer.html
      Blessings all you SURVIVORS/VICTORS!!!

      over 4 years ago
    • rocio's Avatar
      rocio

      no, not at all

      over 4 years ago
    • joyful1938's Avatar
      joyful1938

      Absolutely NOT. I believe that all things happen for a very good reason, I do not question that. Cancer has made me more aware of living, that is why I work at the age of 74 and will continue as long as the company I work for wants me.
      In spite of my challenges I do what I can, where I can and for whom I can. Life isn't about the ailments we suffer, it is about what we can do for others while taking care of ourselves.

      over 4 years ago
    • BruceInErwin's Avatar
      BruceInErwin

      Absolutely not. For me it is just another phase in life and I am going to learn from it. God has given me this gift and it has only served to make me a more compassionate person.

      over 4 years ago
    • rocio's Avatar
      rocio

      never! to considered your self a victim woulded take a lot of time and energy from my hands. so I never did! lets deal with the situation instead of wasting energy.

      over 4 years ago
    • jeanette58's Avatar
      jeanette58

      Hellll No! I am diabetic for 30 yrs fought like heck to not let people police what I eat or drink. I never want to be in that place, so when I got anal/rectal cancer would not allow any cancer police. I still get "that sugar will kill you or cancer loves sugar...so do I". I am afraid sometimes, then I turn to support groups and others like me. Family and great friends can not help what they don't understand. The words I use so much would love to tattoo them is "I use to". - can't any more!

      over 4 years ago
    • Genjen's Avatar
      Genjen

      When I was diagnosed at the age of 21 I was told I wouldn't live past 25 so what I did was continue getting my degree in Nursing and became a nurse and dealt with my illness as it came up which it did esp. in the winter times and I kepted going and then I realized I was 30yrs old. I continued to live as if it was my last day, I did what ever I wanted to including allowing myself to feel sorry for myself but only for a little bit and then picked myself back up and went on doing what ever I wanted to. Now that I will be 49 in 2wks my body is starting to have more infections and more hospitalizations but I know that I will be ok because I did what was on my bucket list and continue to do so when my body lets me. I think that there are 2 types of people: that when you hear that you have cancer or some kinda of disorder you either say ok lets fight this or you say I'm doomed and give up-those that say lets fight tend to do very well both physically and emotionally but those that say I'm doomed will collapse into depression and their bodies won't be able to fight and will most likely succumb to their illness.

      over 4 years ago
    • Stevedarke's Avatar
      Stevedarke

      Hi PhillieG

      I think at times we can all be victims of circumstance, and often make these connections when trying to make sense of things. We are all able to demonstrate every spectrum of emotion which is normal but dwelling to too long over situations which are way beyond our control is counterproductive. We can only work with what we are given in order to keep up the good fight.

      Steve

      over 4 years ago
    • walton1410's Avatar
      walton1410

      I am not a victim. I am still the man I am and I HAVE cancer. I have to take care of my body. I intend to prevail and not be a victim.

      Walton1410

      over 4 years ago
    • crabtrjt's Avatar
      crabtrjt

      Hi PhillieG, I got throat or tongue cancer, Squamous Carcinoma, but after 30 Radiations and 3 Chemos, I am now cured, Longest 5 months of my life tho, I am not complaining as others have this awful Disease and is continuing their treatments now. I never smoked, EVER, and yes I felt like a Victim, as I was always in sports and active, but 5 years ago I had 2 open heart surgeries and also had 9 heart stints inserted, then guess what, now you have Cancer!. Lord is the only thing besides my family and friends that got me through. I just said Lord, Your Will, Not Mine. and of course there were days I said, Lord? But it does go away, All is well now, hope you do well also. Tim

      over 4 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar
      Harry

      No. I mean, who would be victimizing me? Not the doctor or hospital. My own body? I can't see it that way. Nor do I choose to blame God. It just happened. I'll deal with this like I've dealt with everything else life has thrown my way.

      Oh Lord, let me have the courage to change the things I can change, the patience to accept the things I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

      over 4 years ago
    • boampong's Avatar
      boampong

      No, you are only a victim if you give into to disease. I am a survivor and I will continue to be one for a long time.

      over 4 years ago
    • LittleRed's Avatar
      LittleRed

      Honestly I was angry that I wasn't diagnosed earlier. But I never felt like I was a 'victim' of my cancer. Cancer doesn't care. It doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care who you are or what you do or consider your age or background. It does what it does. Cancer has no feelings so it just doesn't care. To me, a victim is someone who is subject to willful hurt. My cancer has no interest in me other than I am it's host. It would be nice to be angry at it but it wouldn't care if I was. So that brings no consolation and gives me no outlet for my anger.
      Do I feel others view me as a victim? Sometimes. But they don't think about it the same way I do.
      I guess I just feel like I am a person who has a problem to deal with. Everyone has something and my something is SFBC!

      over 4 years ago
    • Cordelia's Avatar
      Cordelia

      No, I don't feel victimized, any more than being in a car accident. This is all new to me, so my answer may change some day..

      over 4 years ago
    • liznparadise's Avatar
      liznparadise

      No, I do not feel like a victim. It was a surprise when I was diagnosed, but it was just something to get through. I would see others going through treatment and knew they were going through so much more. I was fortunate that I was just stage 2. It does give you a new perspective and appreciation for life.

      over 4 years ago
    • shipcmo's Avatar
      shipcmo

      Not at all

      over 4 years ago
    • Kristy728's Avatar
      Kristy728

      I always say cancer is not the worst thing that could have happened to me. Since I was diagnosed 3 years ago, I really put things in perspective. Realized how much I took things and people for granted. I've been NED for 19 months and sometimes I think if I would have never had cancer, I would never know what REALLY matters most in life.

      over 4 years ago
    • melee_me's Avatar
      melee_me

      My daughter never wanted to be known as "brain cancer girl" so she just got on with her life as if the brain cancer was just an inconvenience not a life sentence.
      It's 4 and a half yrs later and she is still living life to the full!

      over 4 years ago
    • melee_me's Avatar
      melee_me

      My daughter never wanted to be known as "brain cancer girl" so she just got on with her life as if the brain cancer was just an inconvenience not a life sentence.
      It's 4 and a half yrs later and she is still living life to the full!

      over 4 years ago
    • mrsdweber's Avatar
      mrsdweber

      No, I consider myself the same person I was before but with a medical condition. I never want to lose my identity in all this,, I am Deborah with a health issue, not a cancer victim named Deborah

      over 4 years ago
    • mrsdweber's Avatar
      mrsdweber

      No. I feel I am me with a condition. If you call yourself a victim then you start to lose your identity .

      over 4 years ago
    • smiles' Avatar
      smiles

      A victim is someone who has lost the fight. I refuse to be a victim in my fight!

      over 4 years ago
    • warrior3's Avatar
      warrior3

      Never. I wasn't happy about it, but it was a challenge to be dealt with.

      over 4 years ago
    • nance's Avatar
      nance

      Yes- When I was first diagnosed with colon cancer I did feel like a "victim of cancer". In fact when I disclosed to others I would say, "I am a colon cancer victim". I totally believed it! I didn't understand why I was chosen for this. Especially when cancer did not even run in my family. I didn't understand why I had to go thru the surgery and possibly chemo afterwards. I just thought to myself I did everything right in life. I was always the one in my group of friends that ate the healthiest and shared with other good things to do for your body. It was crazy. Then after surgery I had to have 6mths of chemo. O my goodness the feelings of being a victim came up again.
      The one thing I have learn't thru this journey is that it is a process. That it is okay to feel the feeling and to be able to process thru it. There is a lot of grief involved when you are told you have cancer and at times anger, too. This is a time when family, friends and support thru books, groups and this site becomes very important in our lives.
      Now fI recently finished my treatment and somewhere in the middle of it all I started to understand that I am a survivor. A Cancer Survivor! All of us are Survivors. I mean look what we haveto endure thru the journey and we come out better in the end. it is crazy. Any person that endures what we have to endure towards getting better and comfortable....is a true Survivor!
      -Nance

      about 4 years ago
    • nance's Avatar
      nance

      Yes- When I was first diagnosed with colon cancer I did feel like a "victim of cancer". In fact when I disclosed to others I would say, "I am a colon cancer victim". I totally believed it! I didn't understand why I was chosen for this. Especially when cancer did not even run in my family. I didn't understand why I had to go thru the surgery and possibly chemo afterwards. I just thought to myself I did everything right in life. I was always the one in my group of friends that ate the healthiest and shared with other good things to do for your body. It was crazy. Then after surgery I had to have 6mths of chemo. O my goodness the feelings of being a victim came up again.
      The one thing I have learn't thru this journey is that it is a process. That it is okay to feel the feeling and to be able to process thru it. There is a lot of grief involved when you are told you have cancer and at times anger, too. This is a time when family, friends and support thru books, groups and this site becomes very important in our lives.
      Now fI recently finished my treatment and somewhere in the middle of it all I started to understand that I am a survivor. A Cancer Survivor! All of us are Survivors. I mean look what we haveto endure thru the journey and we come out better in the end. it is crazy. Any person that endures what we have to endure towards getting better and comfortable....is a true Survivor!
      -Nance

      about 4 years ago
    • alivenwell's Avatar
      alivenwell

      The huge reaction here seems to define how we become warriors against cancer. It is a battle. Each of us is at a different stage or different level of reaction to the 'why me' question.
      I simply take this one step at a time. Maybe they will discover new treatments that will wipe out cancer.

      about 4 years ago
    • u4cats' Avatar
      u4cats

      Not at all. I view it as the opportunity to be a teacher to those around me and help others who have been diagnosed deal with their experience. By participating in research programs, I hope to help doctors and researchers develop new treatments that will benefit others in the future.

      about 4 years ago
    • Gabba's Avatar
      Gabba

      I never asked "why me" but rather "why not me". Cancer is a great equalizer. I never felt like a victim nor would I allow myself to get angry at God. It was faith, and excellent medical and surgical care, that help me on my journey.

      about 4 years ago
    • kaseylady's Avatar
      kaseylady

      No not a victim, I am a fighting survivor...

      over 3 years ago
    • Jimig's Avatar
      Jimig

      Not really a victim..because I believe everyone alive has cancer..or the potential to have it become active and ..it's just some people are fortunate to never have it take control of their lives..

      ..I only wish I would have recognized the symptoms I had been having were more than met the eye..I had had two hernia surgeries , the second due to the firsts failure, strangulating the smal intestine...and assumed that was why I was having issues, not realizing a tumor was in me..and of course, the doctors weren't looking for cancer to my complaints..at that time.. I only knew when I ended up in emergency..and from that point on, being the ornery stubborn type I kept thinking positive..positive that I would survive..and not be a victim

      over 3 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      No, I do not. I view myself as being made of organic material that changes constantly as it goes, slowly but surely, towards disintegration. Cells can behave inappropriately. I don't like this situation one bit, but other than not using tobacco products and taking other pro-health measures, I have no control over what illnesses I get. To be a victim, one needs a victimizer, and I have none.

      over 3 years ago
    • marriedlady's Avatar
      marriedlady

      I hate the stereo type of "cancer victim".. I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR~~~ and always will be--if someone refers to me as a victim. I correct them immediately. SURVIVOR!!!!

      over 3 years ago
    • MariaM's Avatar
      MariaM

      I have never felt like a victim and I have never, ever, asked "why me?" about anything that has happened in my life. Why NOT me?

      Bad stuff happens to everyone and is just part of the human condition. Why get upset about something I can't change? I chose my doctors/care team carefully and cooperate with them to the fullest. I'm not a victim; I'm someone being treated for something.

      over 3 years ago
    • Lamarcy21's Avatar
      Lamarcy21

      I feel fortunate in so many ways. I have people who love me. Wonderful people. I have a job I love and fought to be at every day. My cancer was caught before it got worse. I had few side effects. My husband is the best ever. I agree with MariaM, why not me? I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to really consider my life and to make sure that the life I live is worthy of me. I am not glad to have had cancer, but it has been a blessing in so many many ways.

      almost 3 years ago
    • Ckone1968's Avatar
      Ckone1968

      No.. I view my diagnosis as any other health issue that anyone can have such as heart disease or diabetes. I received the news and thought ok where do I go from here. I received radiation and I'm currently receiving chemo iv treatments every other week. And I move forward each and every day..

      over 2 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Strangely, I don't see myself as a victim at all. I am not happy that I have cancer, but I have learned so, so much as a result.

      over 2 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I'll say, now I think yes and no. In the beginning of my first one, I'll say no. I never thought about it, just asked, "what do we need to do, and when do we do it"? Second time, I had a little feeling that I was getting picked on, but still was in the, "let's go do this" mode. The third time, I was deep in the why me, and I did feel like a victim, that I was being picked on and singled out for some reason. But that went away after about 2 months, after I saw my oncologist for the first time and I saw how positive he was I was ready to go again. So I guess I have been both.

      over 2 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      I view my cancer as the latest in a long line of Things To Deal With, Period, and I make adjustments as necessary. My bottom line: I'm still on this side of the grass.

      over 2 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      (That means my answer is "no.")

      over 2 years ago
    • PhillieG's Avatar
      PhillieG

      I figured that was a no :-) ^^^
      I don't recall if I ever answered this myself. If I did it was 3 years ago. I've never felt like a victim. People get cancer, I'm one of them. I've said "If it weren't for cancer, I'd say I have the perfect life. If it weren't for cancer, would I even realize this?". I still feel the same

      over 2 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      No! Getting cancer is not the only bad thing that has ever happened to me. But, I have not ever considered myself a victim. Unlucky maybe, victim never.

      In many ways, cancer has been a blessing. I learned who my friends are and I made new friends. I was able to quit a job I hated. I have learned my strengths. My faith has deepened. I learned that much in life wasn't worth getting upset over. I would never have chosen to have cancer, but since I do, I recognize that it is not all bad.

      over 2 years ago
    • Celste51's Avatar
      Celste51

      I led a fairly wild life when I was younger and also when I was old enough to know better, smoking, drinking etc. I think I always felt it was a possibility that I would get lung or liver cancer but not Colon Cancer and not yet. I don't think I feel like a victim just that it was pushing my luck for too long. Having said that I hate having chemo and just wish I could have my life back together.

      9 months ago
    • PhillieG's Avatar
      PhillieG

      I love all of the answers that people are giving. Yeah, it stinks we have it but many of us have figured out how to make some XXX good lemonade...

      9 months ago
    • Muffin55's Avatar
      Muffin55

      I was sooooo,.. angry when I was first diagnosed! Lord, I wanted to just be free, and not go through this aggravation. This is what I fee like now,..I felt angry,..but not I feel empowered! If you are not a religious person, I understand,..but if are,..then God is all I need, and He will get me through this!!

      30 days ago
    • Muffin55's Avatar
      Muffin55

      I am a victor, not a victim!!! I am emboldened because Jesus has already taken car

      30 days ago
    • Muffin55's Avatar
      Muffin55

      Cont.> has taken care of what is going on with me. His mercy said ,..No!

      30 days ago
    • Celste51's Avatar
      Celste51

      I was dreadfully upset when first diagnosed but somehow had always felt it would happen. Not with the colon but possibly lungs as I have always been a smoker. I think I felt it was inevitable. I also know so many people who have had cancer and have lived very clean and healthy lives. It was more a case of "that was inevitable" - I am going for a colonoscopy next week, almost a year after diagnosis. So hope it is all clear. One thing I will say is that now I really appreciate and make the most of life instead of taking it for granted and I am stronger. Good luck everyone and stay strong.

      30 days ago
    • PhillieG's Avatar
      PhillieG

      I hope your scope goes well Celste.
      Again, I thank all of you who have answered my question. I should check this thread more often than I do.

      30 days ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      No, God gives everybody problems, and this is the one we got! If first had cancer in 2002, and I was so fortunate I've appreciated my life and others much more.

      Anyone could die in a car accident tomorrow, so it's really no different.

      28 days ago

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