• Is this okay to say to a parent whose child was recently diagnosed?

    Asked by MakeItHappen on Saturday, January 10, 2015

    Is this okay to say to a parent whose child was recently diagnosed?

    part 2 of 2:

    As your son is receiving treatment, I’m sure you’ll find that you have countless things to think about. Even though most of those things should not ever have to be imagined, much less thought about, I hope that one thing you do imagine is the tattoo he may want to get someday to commemorate his fight and victory. I’m personally too old-school for that, but it seems to be what folks do these days. :) Maybe not when he’s 8. Maybe make him wait ‘til he’s a teenager ;)

    In the meantime, I know you will continue to be the most important person in the world to him—his wonderful mom. And that every day you will look at him with a face full of love, because that’s what happens when love overflows our hearts and there’s no hiding it.

    //end and thank you for your opinions/comments!!

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      An 8 year old wants a tattoo? Please read on because I have a personal experience with this. But my first idea- is the parent against it and just needs a way to assist in talking the little kid out of it? That is too young for a tattoo. If the parent is covered with tattoos I would back off of course, find out how the parent feels first. Then if the parent needs help ask the oncologist to have a little talk with the child because it really isn’t save for anyone in treatment, especially someone so long! All kinds of reasons that the oncologist can list. Also Hepatitis C is a real issue to be on guard about and all tattoo patients have to b very careful about where they go to get a tattoo because tattoo parlors are so often spreading hepatitis and hepatitis C! BE CAREFUL!!! HC is deadly and getting more and more common and I actually like tattoos but I won’t have one because of Hep C and also because I’m a Lupus patient and always have been told not to by my doctors....
      Second idea- again due to his young age. Does he have an older sibling or cousin that doesn’t have a tattoo and/or might be against it? I’m guessing that someone older he admires greatly has tattoos already and he wants to copy that.If it is a movie or music star that has the inspiring tattoos you might even try to reach this person for help, they just might reach back if a child is involved and help you out. Say desperate adult relative or something like that! Are you a God Parent? I am and my God Daugher’s mother liked tattoos but only had one put on herself to commerate herself becoming a BC survivor! But she would not let her daughter get any until she was an adult and by then she didn’t want one at all which is why I am getting into all of this....... Children are very impressionable, and the odds are very good that he will will change his opinion about any tattoo he gets very quickly, probably within a year! And then he will hate the tattoo! He really should wait until he is older and his ideas more solidified. Are there even any toys that he uses today from last year? He will change his mind for sure and tattoos are far too difficult and painful! And you might even enlist a tattoo artist for help, if you can find someone who refuses to work on children because it is possible that many do not do so, either for legalities or morality. Children are far too emotional and changeable and are a poor business risk because they probably will do nothing but complain and won’t come back for more work either.
      Good luck and God bless!!!

      over 6 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      Part 2- If she is against the tattoo and just going along with it to please her son, remind her that she has to be her son’s parent and not his friend. Kids desperately need guidance and good parents! My Goddaughter loves her Mother more than anything and she loves me too- we both said no and so does her father! How does stye father feel about this?

      over 6 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      Why in the world can’t he use one of those paint on tattoos? I’m sure a tattoo artist would be help customize one for the kid? The parents should compromise with this ( for the kid’s sake ) and get the kid a few temporary ones, check around until they find somebody that can create a fake tattoo's for them!

      over 6 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      I’m also obviously assuming that he will pull through with stage IV because I’m doing well with stage IV cancer. You just don’t know and most children do seem to pull through. If his case looks very, very bad then I do agree with his mother to just let him do whatever he feels like....but first before any tattoo discussion I would discussing taking him to the best children’s cancer center in the US!!! That could make all his difference in survival!

      over 6 years ago
    • gwendolyn's Avatar
      gwendolyn

      Wait, what? I don't think MakeItHappen is saying the child wants a tattoo. I think MIH wants to suggest to the child's parent to IMAGINE the child surviving the cancer/treatment and wanting a tattoo to commemorate his victory.

      My answer to MIH is that I generally approve of what you intend to say but be careful not to err too far on the side of telling the parent what you think they should be feeling/thinking/imagining right now. Instead, be prepared to listen to how they are actually feeling.

      over 6 years ago
    • amontoya's Avatar
      amontoya

      When we had a diagnosis all I cared for was for people to listen to ME! I believe the best thing to do is listen and keep your opinions to yourself but that's just me. This Mom might like all this but for me, I would have told you to take a hike. I didn't care about anything else but what was happening in our lives at the time.

      over 6 years ago
    • Jalemans' Avatar
      Jalemans

      Well, IMHO... Since he is newly diagnosed & this is your friend, I'd probably suggest a hug & an "I am sorry for what your family is going through". If you are able to offer help with something, offer. Perhaps as you talk to her throughout this you can offer some of those additional insights.

      I cannot imagine my Munchkin in that position. I would guess that she is probably in shock. She probably has not yet processed all that is yet to come. I know when I was first diagnosed I wouldn't have been ready for so much input. Simply letting her know that you will be there for her would probably be appreciated at this point. Just my opinion.

      over 6 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      It is so hard for us to say what's appropriate. I have found here that what would be fine with me, irritates someone else a lot. I wonder if that's not one reason people just say nothing to us!

      I would give the person a HUGE hug, probably be crying, and say something like, "i am here for you. Whatever you need, i am here." Should the opportunity arise to say the rest, you have it ready to say! (Or were you going to write this stuff in a card or something?)

      It seems like the tattoo comment is confusing us ... i read it as a positive - imagining the day when the child is healthy and well enough to get one. Not knowing the family makes it difficult to know whether i would use that particular comment as a way to look forward. But i am not personally a tattoo lover for myself or others!

      over 6 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      I would just make it shorter and tell her that you're sorry and are THERE FOR HER to talk at any time. Not sure about the tattoo thing but I wouldn't write her a story like you have...let her do the talking to you and YOU LISTEN and if asked give advice....a hug won't hurt.....Just be there for her Spiritually AND Physically.

      over 6 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      I think Barry has it right. I think you're considering WAY TOO LONG a sentiment. Mom is probably already overwhelmed and doesn't need to have to stand their and listen as you go on and on about imaginary tattoos and how you understand but won't share about your sister's trials.

      The whole thing just seems weird to me.

      Simply say how sorry you were to hear about the news and offer to help if there's anything you can do. Short, sweet, simple.

      Also, your first line about her minding the fact that you'd heard - if you think she might be offended that you know, maybe you just don't say anything?

      over 6 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      For what it's worth, about the time I was diagnosed, a friend of my daughter's child was also diagnosed with a brain tumor. This little girl and I have been going through chemo together, altho sweet girl has also had radiation and brain surgery and lot of treatments I didn't get. My daughter (who has a son the same age as their daughter) simply told the parents they would bring dinner over one night a week for the family. Maybe you could do something like that and skip the long story until a later date when Mom might be able to better process it?

      over 6 years ago

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