• Just found out

    Asked by Ky_apr29 on Monday, November 10, 2014

    Just found out

    How do you deal?

    16 Answers from the Community

    16 answers
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      You take one day at a time. Has your treatment begun? I think it is easier to deal once you are in the throes of treatment because you feel like you are being proactive against it.

      I would warn against reading a lot of stats on the Internet. They are old and probably are not accurate.

      Come here. Ask questions.

      Good luck!!

      almost 5 years ago
    • Hoping4ever's Avatar
      Hoping4ever

      You will learn how to deal with it once you start your treatment because a fighting mechanism will be born in you and your main focus will be on how to do every thing in your power to survive. Also try to find friends or loved ones who might help you sail through this journey. Good luck.

      almost 5 years ago
    • DeniseD's Avatar
      DeniseD

      The hardest part for me was the fear of what was to come. I read everything I could find from reputable sites. Then I went out on the porch at the break of dawn to talk to my higher power. I told him I had a very good life and am okay with whatever his decision was on the time. I asked for peace and guidance for my children. I returned to the house and have been at peace and am now in remission. That's what works for me. Prayers sent for you.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Phoenix76's Avatar
      Phoenix76

      I'm so sorry...I had to do a lot of crying when I first found out, so if that works for you, please have a good cry!

      I agree with LiveWithCancer - don't look at the internet too much! But, do try to learn about your type of cancer, and possible options. FIGHT!!

      Yes - take one day at a time, and try to stay in the present. Asking "What if....?" will drive you nuts, so don't even go there! Right now...how are you feeling? Are you in pain? Ask the doctor for painkillers. Listen to some beautiful music. Think about all that you've overcome so far in your life. You have a quality of strength that perhaps you didn't realize that you had before. Accept that your life will be different from here on in - and that there are positive aspects to that as well. You may not see that just yet, but they are there. I deal with things by counting my blessings, and appreciating life more! I focus on what I CAN do, not what I can't.

      Also remember that even though we're strangers here (this is, after all, cyberspace) - I'd give you a hug or at least hold your hand if I could. Please be comforted in some way that you're not alone. We're rooting for you!

      almost 5 years ago
    • MoveIt2012's Avatar
      MoveIt2012

      Personally it toke me about a month o "come to grips" with this beast and sometimes I have to have a re-do. For me it was looking at it in the face and acknowledging what might be. Making sure the practical aspects were cared for. Then turning to the fight. Addressing my spiritual worries. Taking steps to get closer to god who has been with me always. Focusing on my health, which I have never taken care of.

      This site has really helped me. I have gotten some great info from people who had to walk it before me. It really helps to hear from the trenches.

      Then. Got an anti depressant, and I have stayed on it. Now that my chemo is over I'm about to get back to therapy. Just remember, you are not in this fight alone and what works for. One person may not be your answer but the answer is out there.

      Blessings to you today!

      almost 5 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      As you can see, we all have different ways of coping with the illness. The one thing I know for sure is that we don't really have a choice. The only other option is to pretend that we don't have anything wrong and hope for the best. I just spoke with a friend who was afraid she might have breast cancer, so she waited 12 years to get a mammogram. She finally did it and they didn't call her back yet, so I'm sure everything is ok. But, for 12 years she worried needlessly. I think the best answer is one day at a time.

      almost 5 years ago
    • SandiA's Avatar
      SandiA

      Hi! I agree with livewithcancer stay off the internet. That only made it worse for me. I spent a couple days having a good cry and talking it out with my family. Finding a great doctor and having a plan and starting treatment really helped. My son was also getting married, so finding something in the future to look forward to and to fight for really made a difference for me. Talking to others who have been there makes all the difference too. I have a neighbor who is a cancer survivor and she is always there when I need her. Logging on here has been incredible for me too. The people on here are wonderful and really there for you. I wish you all the best! Sandi

      almost 5 years ago
    • Gumpus61's Avatar
      Gumpus61

      First and foremost.......not everybody Dies from cancer. As has been said above stay off the internet, your disease is yours and yours alone. Then understand that others will not understand what your going through......welcome to what's next ! Keep talking to us......welcome your caregivers.....and fight, fight, fight !

      almost 5 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      The first thing when I got my cancer diagnosis I did was cry. A bunch. I told my boyfriend and he was the best - said we'd fight and get past it. Then I got the stage IV news and cried some more. That was a year ago and it's been rough but my scans are now clear, my tumor was removed and I feel more human than ever.

      I also told my immediate family (it was very tough on my parents who are in their 80s but they've been wonderful) and a few close friends. I talked to HR at work and went out on leave and then met my doctors. It was a bit of a blur of activity interspersed with periods of waiting. I made lists of questions for my doctors, we decided on a treatment plan and I started chemo. Then began the battle of controlling the various side effects of my disease and my medications.

      It's OK to cry. It's OK to mourn the life you had planned. It's OK to be scared. It's also OK to be angry and to fight. This is your journey and your battle. You get to call the shots on how you manage it.

      I never looked back and today my life is very different than it was a year ago but I love it. I'm happy, healthy (sounds crazy coming from a cancer/chemo patient, right?) and loving life.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      The way I coped was to immerse myself in research (mainly concerning treatments and my options), so that I knew what I was dealing with and could be my own advocate. The day I was diagnosed I called the American Cancer Society resource center and was referred to material on the ACS website. Then I called the facilitator of my local breast cancer support group and joined. When my GP offered to set up a surgical consult for me I asked her to let me choose my surgeon. I researched my choices online and faxed her my decision within 24 hours.

      I am also a caregiver (my partner has MS), so I am used to doing research and being an advocate.

      I also got on Facebook and asked my online friends for fighting vibes -- and got them! I joined this site and others for online support. I felt that I had just been given my marching orders. My mental state was a mixture of "Git 'er done," "Lock and load," and out-of-body experience. I felt that something exotic and dangerous had just happened to me. I had an intruder in my body and I would do what I had to do to kick it to the curb.

      I didn't cry over my diagnosis, though I have cried over acts of kindness. I got tears in my eyes when my chemo nurse handed me my certificate of completion last month, with signatures on the back from the chemo staff.

      I also use a lot of humor and engage in artwork and other creativity to help me cope. I returned to exercise, fitness, and healthy eating prior to diagnosis and that has helped me through treatment. It's also given me more energy as a caregiver. I listen to music and watch videos that inspire me.

      I cut myself a LOT of slack. A lot of my "shoulds" have fallen away over the years. My main job right now is to fight cancer.

      Each of us has our own ways of coping. I have learned to honor my temperament. Know that whatever you do, you are doing the best you can under the circumstances.

      almost 5 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      By the way, Ky_apr29, however you choose to react and however you choose to move forward, it is up to you. There are as many "right" paths as there are cancer survivors. And we're all cancer survivors.

      Hugs!

      almost 5 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      Here is one resource I wish I had known about when I first was diagnosed.
      http://www.livestrong.org/we-can-help/guidebook/
      It is a guide book from the LIVESTRONG foundation. It is a great resource.

      almost 5 years ago
    • 3tykes' Avatar
      3tykes

      I was diagnosed in sep of 2013 and for the first month i cried a lot. I went through mastectomy in october of 2013. I now feel that i've learned a lot about being great full and try to enjoying each day as it comes...sometimes i even thank God for giving me this experience and helping me realize how great of a life i have and how thankful i am for it. Don't get me wrong...i still have those moments where i am scared and find my self crying and in those moments (like today) find my self coming here....all the best to you!

      almost 5 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar
      Clyde

      First, I am so sorry you are going through this. Make sure to take time for yourself to deal with your own feelings and fears. It's not being selfish, it's being proactive for your daughter.

      Cancer is a disease, not a death sentence.
      Take it one day at a time. A sheer cliff, 1 mile high is daunting. A flat surface of 1 mile is easy to walk.
      You should have no problem finding a support group in the NY area. Ask at your daughter's treatment center for suggestions. Don't be afraid to try a couple till you find one you like.
      Try and take your emotion out of your research. View everything with a dose of suspicion as well as hope.
      Remember that there is no magic pill, no magic diet or magic spell.
      Remember to have fun with your daughter. It will help her as much as yourself.
      Be careful not to let her cancer become your only reason for living. You need balance to get through this and get back to normal when she beats it.

      almost 5 years ago
    • SOFIA's Avatar
      SOFIA

      Buenos Dias.
      Soy Dominicana. tengo un hijo de 21 años, que fue diagnosticado hace alrededor de 1 año y medio con Osteosacoma en su pierna izquierda, es un tipo de cancer poco usual en mi pais, mi hijo ha tenido 3 ciclos de quimioterapia antes de una cirugia, donde se le extirpo el tumor canceroso mas 17 cms de hueso para preservar su pierna, lo cual fue todo un exito, ahora necesita una Prótesis llamada Biaxil Distal Articulada Izquierda. quisiera saber si saben de alguna fundación que me ayude a obtenerla, solo se que es muy costosa, pero en mi pais no la tenemos...Se que eb Brasil se consigue, pero ninguna casa comercial la trae aqui....por favor necesito orientacion...Gracias

      over 4 years ago
    • kkcomm's Avatar
      kkcomm

      I can't even imagine what you are feeling! The one good thing I have repeatedly told myself since my stage IV diagnosis is "at least it's not one of my kids!" You must be extremely scared. Keep in mind that cancer is no longer the automatic death sentence it used to be. Find a couple of support groups. One for you and one for your daughter. She is going to need an outlet too. Better for both of you if it is not always you. My daughters and I are sending hugs, prayers and well wishes to you and yours.

      over 4 years ago

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