• Living with cancer

    Asked by Wildwoman on Sunday, October 25, 2015

    Living with cancer

    I have incurable cancer however I am doing fine. How do you address people that think your cured, and don't realize your still fighting the battle? Example. "You look to good to be sick, you must have misunderstood your doctor"

    14 Answers from the Community

    14 answers
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      Im not so spiritually sound that I would not find such statenents grating .. perhaps carry your doctors card around so folks can double check with him or her? :)

      On the other hand, since this is an ongoing condition (nice to be alive but not so hot to be ill), why are you bringing it up with relative strangers?

      Not having had to be in your shoes, and the truth is I am somewhat relieved about that, I can't really imagine ... except to say keep looking until you find friends who can accept you as you are and even support you.

      It sometimes takes a lot of looking around.

      Best witches & free broom parking.

      over 6 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      Tell them it never goes away and change the subject.

      over 6 years ago
    • Wildwoman's Avatar
      Wildwoman

      Geek Ling I am talking about family and friends, not strangers.

      over 6 years ago
    • Wildwoman's Avatar
      Wildwoman

      Baby boomer that is what I do. I guess I didn't state my question correctly.

      over 6 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      You could explain that all the problems are inside your body and they can't see them. BUT unless you walk in another persons shoes you just can't know....SO The XXX with it...lol

      over 6 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      Wildwoman, so was I.

      over 6 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      First, I am sorry that you are metastatic and that the people around you have said something so insensitive and, frankly, stupid.

      I would ask myself: Is this a teachable moment? In other words, would pointing the individual to correct information make any difference?

      If yes, I would keep an informative URL from a reputable source on hand (provided the person in question can access the Web) or a printout and just hand it to them.

      If no, I would save my breath, energy, and time for better things, because the bottom line is that their opinion doesn't matter. All it is, is noise.

      over 6 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I wonder if your family isn't HOPING you misunderstood your doctor? My dad died back in the 70s of lung cancer. The hardest conversation I ever had with my mom was telling her that he was months away from dying. She had convinced herself that he was misdiagnosed because he looked fine. While she was telling me how he must have been misdiagnosed, his doctor was telling me that we would be lucky for him to be alive in only a month or two. What was going on inside didn't show on the outside. And, I think my mom was hoping against all hope that he wasn't really sick...

      I think most people forget that I have stage IV lung cancer. I do the same activities and am often the hardest worker of all. I surely don't look sick at all. I didn't die in the year of diagnosis as expected. Soooooo, I must be okay! "Friends," family, acquaintances ... they all think I am well now. I wish they were right!

      over 6 years ago
    • Wildwoman's Avatar
      Wildwoman

      Thank you Live with Cancer. I appreciate your thoughts. I too am doing better than expected, I tell people "well God isn't done using me yet" same goes for you. Take care

      over 6 years ago
    • Wildwoman's Avatar
      Wildwoman

      Ejourneys,

      Thank you for your comment, it makes one think instead of wondering how could anybody not understand. I appreciate all of you that have taken the time to give me words of wisdom

      over 6 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      Speaking as an ignorant person who is also a cancer patient, I can tell you that we just don't understand and are hoping you will help us to understand. I worked with someone who just lost her 14 year battle with cancer, but she came to work, did family activities, even volunteered at her church. She was a wealth of information for me, because I just didn't understand terminology, even regarding my own treatment. As cancer patients, we can educate others about our experiences. They'll never fully understand til they have it themselves, but maybe help them not make the same mistakes over again.

      over 6 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      I have somewhat the opposite problem. My friends and family mostly my family keep reminding me that I have two cancers (one stage IV the other stage II grade 3), I just say I feel cured therefore I am cured. Perhaps it is because I don't physically look so good. I will admit cancer did age me. I do try to put make-up on look my best,

      over 6 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      These comments actually make me feel better. Although I really don't like to be reminded that I have cancer. So statements like you look good for someone with cancer is not really helpful.

      over 6 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I STILL tell people they look great when they do. And, I am 100% fine with hearing the same. I DO look good for someone who is battling stage IV lung cancer ... and I am GLAD I don't look sick. I am delighted that I am still able to do things I love to do. Sure, I have a deadly disease, but from the outside, my weight is (too) good, my coloring is good, I have hair, I wear a smile most of the time, I do look good to be a cancer patient. I suspect it shocks people to hear I have cancer. Is that bad? Not to me!

      over 6 years ago

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