• Making Chemo Worse - ?

    Asked by Ydnar2xer on Thursday, March 21, 2013

    Making Chemo Worse - ?

    Has anybody had someone who actually made your chemo worse?

    My mother (a difficult "diva", anyway), was a total pain after I told her I'd gotten breast cancer again. I'd call her each week to report progress, or treatment, and if the news was anything at all painful or gory, she would cry out loudly on the phone like it was just the worst possible thing to happen to me. THIS DIDN'T HELP ME GET THROUGH CHEMO--so I finally told her to "please quit that!" if she wanted any more updates from me as that moaning & protesting was only making me feel worse!

    13 Answers from the Community

    13 answers
    • HearMeRoar's Avatar

      Hey lady! I am so sorry to hear that. When my twin first told me about her cancer I cried. She said hey, snap out of it, I got this :). Her positive attitude was the lead we all followed. Now a year later I am walking a similar walk. Surrounding ourselves with positive people is important :). Blessings, friend!

      over 3 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      Ydnar2xer--I been there too, done that too and now keep it all to myself. If the "diva" in my life asks, I tell her it all went away. She can't punish me without ammunition and I'm big enough to take care of myself without her for support anyway.

      Stay strong (although I think you will without being prompted. ).

      over 3 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      Wow, your right your mom is quite the diva, and congrats for letting her know it. I have a friend who started making all sorts of speculations about why my kidney cancer metastasized after 14 years, and what I might have done to catch it sooner or prevent that from happening. I told her "don't even go down there" yes we are still speaking - the incident occurred in 2009, and now she is very supportive.

      over 3 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      There are a few people that I just dont' tell things to, because I don't want to listen to what I already know I'll hear.

      over 3 years ago
    • Kathy's Avatar

      Hi Ydnar - I'm sorry your Mom isn't being supportive. I am 54 - my Mom is 83 and my daughter is 28. I did spare my Mom all the details and never told her exactly the worst of how I was feeling. Being a Mom myself it has to be devastating to have your daughter go thru this. I did try to put myself in her shoes and cut her some slack. I also learned who I could tell all the unabridged details to - people who brought me up and encouraged me. Take care and feel free to reach out to the people here. We understand.

      over 3 years ago
    • KimmieJo's Avatar

      I have a sister-ilaw that drives me nuts when she gets an update - she always tells every one that "she shouldn't be feeling bad - her chemo was days ago" or "that's not a symptom of chemo". Like she is an expert! She has never had cancer or been a caregiver so I have no idea where she gets the "expert" knowledge! The bad thing is that my husband (her brother) believes anything that she says. Really frustrates me when it happens. I quit giving her updates, but she still finds out from other family members and calls my husband up immediately. I have learned that I have to let is roll off my back or I would be going nuts.

      over 3 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar

      Like others here I think you have to be very careful of who you tell information to. Its just not worth it. The real strength comes from inside anyway.

      over 3 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar

      Thanks for the feedback, all. But wouldn't you think your MOM would be there for you and try to understand? YIKES.

      BTW--loved your comment, Clyde, that I'd be strong anyway. You're right! I'm an uppity woman, always have been, lol.

      over 3 years ago
    • Bug's Avatar

      Hi, Ydnar2xer. There is a person in my life who is a "drama queen". I know she is well-meaning at heart but nothing that comes out of her mouth is filtered - everything is traumatic and dramatic. I finally recognized that that is toxic to me. I went through a period of grieving about it but have to say I am much happier staying away from her drama. I haven't cut her out of my life - I just don't talk about some subjects and steer the conversation another way if she brings up something inflammatory.

      over 3 years ago
    • JennyMiller's Avatar

      I have found that some of my close family & friends want to hear positive things because they want me to be well. If I have a bad day or a fear of recurrence, they are quick to pass it off that everything will be okay because I was aggressive with treatment, etc. So, I have learned with whom I can share the bad days and the fears. And I do need to verbalize and share -- and sometimes cry -- it is a release for me which enables me to re-energize & move forward. Often, the ones you least expect are the most supportive -- while the ones you expect don't seem to be able to do it --- and I have learned to understand this. During treatment, I would get the people who went beyond a sympathetic attitude that made me feel like there was no hope -- so I learned to answer their inquiries with "I am doing great and feeling wonderful --I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!" I lost my mom when I was 30 so I have been through a lot over the years without her so I cannot even guess how she would have reacted to my cancer.

      over 3 years ago
    • gwendolyn's Avatar

      I have a couple people in my immediate family whom I consider "emotional vampires." I don't tell them everything and I only talk to them when I'm feeling strong enough to withstand their reactions.

      over 3 years ago
    • Grandy's Avatar

      For awhile my mother was almost demanding that I get healed and wouldn't have surgery. She got mad at my brother for not believing in miracles. I do... But often when you throw a ball in the air it falls back to earth!! HA!!!

      I did tell her how it felt and she has stopped... It MY experience, MY faith, MY choices based on those things! I AM getting a bilateral.. It's what I decided from the beginning of this.

      I don't know if you were able to guide your Mother in how to respond... For now, my mom is behaving better!!!! :)

      over 3 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar

      Well, I saved the worst for last! Mom & Dad live in a retirement community/independent living situation where EVERYONE is old and infirm--except Mom (old, but well). Apparently, she wanted a story to tell, because my sister told me that mom had been telling her friends that I was "hanging by a thread"! IMAGINE THAT? Thanks Mom. You ARE toxic to me--and how I'll get through Easter is by surrounding myself with my own kids & hubby!

      over 3 years ago

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