• My dad died of mesothelioma in June. I took care of him at night while my mom was at work. He forgot me one night. I never knew if he

    Asked by KaylaDee03 on Monday, January 7, 2013

    My dad died of mesothelioma in June. I took care of him at night while my mom was at work. He forgot me one night. I never knew if he

    Remembered me when we were saying goodbye in the icu room. I'm trying to be strong but I ask everyday why. Is it normal to have survivors guilt?

    5 Answers from the Community

    5 answers
    • Harry's Avatar
      Harry

      Yes it is.

      You did everything you could for your Dad. Often, those who seem unresponsive are more aware than we know. I'm sure you were a great comfort to him and, whether or not he was aware of anyone in the ICU, he loved you as much as you loved him.

      If it is appropriate for you, you might talk to a spiritual advisor. Religions have been helping people cope with death for a very long time. If not, that's okay, too.

      almost 5 years ago
    • gwendolyn's Avatar
      gwendolyn

      My experience was that my final interactions with my parents were strong, painful memories. These memories took center stage for a while and I dwelled on them. Eventually, I put these memories to rest within the huge catalog of lifetime memories I had of my mother and father. In the big scheme of things, these final days are only a drop in the bucket compared to all the days you and your father had together. Be patient with your grieving process.

      almost 5 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar
      SueRae1

      Yes it is. Both my parents died after short intense illnesses. The last few days were the worst, but my immediate family (parents, sibs, spouses, grandchildren), showed and told each other our love throughout the last years of their lives and few months of their illness helped us cope with the intensity of their last few days. It did take awhile. We are Jewish and sat Shiva, which is a very healing process - for 7 days after the funeral people come and pay condolence calls on the family.

      almost 5 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar
      SueRae1

      Sitting shiva gave us a chance to learn interesting things about our parents. We laughed we cried, we took out pictures. Our extended community shared in our sorrow and love.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar
      Harry

      Hi Sue,

      Maybe you should explain what "Sitting Shiva" involves for us Gentiles. Is it anything like an Irish wake? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU97TGbp6po

      almost 5 years ago

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