• My husband will have his first chemo treatment tomorrow...... I just feel so sad.

    Asked by Barb_TX on Tuesday, February 5, 2013

    My husband will have his first chemo treatment tomorrow...... I just feel so sad.

    I have written about my husband's Stage IV "Colon" Cancer here previously. The doctors are calling it colon cancer but they are not sure of the origin. Has anyone reading here had a billion colonoscopies but still got colon cancer??? AND STAGE IV??? Anyway I want to thank everyone who has responded with encouragement previously. Tomorrow will be his first chemo treatment. I am just so sad for him. I watch him in a lot of pain everyday. I am so afraid of the side effects of chemo. I just wished we could just get through this stage in our marriage and get back on track with life as we knew it before all this happened. One thing I have learned already, and it's been only two months since his diagnosis, is that life will NEVER be the same again. It is just so hard for me to watch him "living" in pain, but most importantly wondering where we are headed next.

    15 Answers from the Community

    15 answers
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      I'm willing to bet that everyone who has colon cancer has had a colonoscopy since that is how it is normally diagnosed. Colonoscopies don't prevent cancers, they are just helpful in diagnosis. Be glad he is starting chemo. It is the best route to managing his cancer and his pain.

      over 5 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      One thing you should try to do, as soon as you can, is to stop looking and acting like your worried about him. We know you are, but I have been on both sides. I have been a patient, 3 times, and I also lost both Mom and Dad to cancer. So from the patients view of it, I hated to see my family sitting around worried and driving themselves nuts over it, that part made me worse. It's hard enough to keep myself up without me having to keep all the family up too. You have to be as strong as you can, by doing so you will be helping him.

      A good way to look at this is that it is just a little bus stop along the way of the rest of your lives. Go ahead and make plans for what your going to do after this is over. Count down the days, and when he's done with treatment, get out there and enjoy what you planned.

      I wish him and you, nothing but the best. Let us know if we can help you through his treatments.

      Greg P
      Team WhatNext

      over 5 years ago
    • Barb_TX's Avatar

      Thank you Nancyjac and GregP for your responses! I appreciate every word. I will try to not let my husband see how worried and sad I am for him. I can see if from your point of view, Greg, as being a cancer patient. I am normally a strong woman, so I will try even harder. And Nancy, yes I understand that colon cancer is discovered through colonoscopies but my husband's was not discovered through a colonoscopy but through an emergency surgery due to unbearable abdominal pain. It was never diagnosed through any of the colonoscopies that he has had over the years. I just can't for the life of me, understand how he can go from having no cancer to Stage IV. This doesn't make any sense at all to me.

      over 5 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      Hugs and prayers to the both of you. Of course you feel and probably angry, and that's normal. Sometimes cancers metastasize without ever having a primary. That happened to one of my friends mothers several years ago. She had regular breast check ups and mammography, but they never found the primary tumor, even after going over her scans with a fine tooth comb. Cancer is tricky and doesn't always follow the expected path. Good luck to you both.

      over 5 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      You said that his doctor's weren't sure of the origin and that it is stage IV, which means it has metastasized to remote areas. That seems to explain why it was not detected from a colonoscopy (if the colon was not the primary site) as well as why it is stage IV (if the colon is remote from the primary site). In any case, it will not help either you or your husband to beat yourselves up about the origin and stage. Focus instead on his treatment and getting better.

      over 5 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      This is why it is important for you to maintain some time for yourself as well as being his caregiver. You need to be able to let your worry and anger out, out of his sight and also do something nice for yourself often (It may feel selfish, but it really isn't. He wants you to take care of yourself. It will make him feel like less of a burden.). Don't be afraid to go away and cry. Its a great release and will make it easier for you to be strong in his presence.

      over 5 years ago
    • Peroll's Avatar

      Barb, Don't feel sad because he is starting chemo feel glad that the process of killing the cancer is starting. While chemo is not easy it is part of beating cancer so if you look at it that way tomorrow shou8ld be a celebration of what we all hope will be the begining of his cure. Also it is alright to vent your frustration and sadness here, we are here to listen and help. Good luck

      over 5 years ago
    • RobbieFlores' Avatar

      Barb, your reactions and emotions are very normal especially what with your husband starting chemo and all. But this is the beginning of the journey that will rid your husband of his cancer. You must be positive and have faith. It's not an easy road but you and your family have plenty of support here. Ask questions about anything that is bothering you. The more information you know the better prepared you will be. Good luck and keep us updated :-)

      over 5 years ago
    • Lavonne's Avatar

      Barb...I have been with my Sister in law on this same journey for almost 3 years now. She also like your husband was stage IV when they first found her cancer thru ER exam because she had started bleeding. It had metasized to liver and lungs and other areas and we will never stop fighting this monster as long as it takes. She has a great attititude which helps so much and I always try to be positive and always am researching on the internet and taking lots of notes when we are at the Doctor. Learn as much as you can about these chemo drugs. Chemo is a great thing even though the side effects are very scary without chemo the cancer will continue to grow. She has gone thru every chemo option and just finished a clinical trial and now trying to be on the new Regorafenib but having trouble with it. Without God and the faith we have this would be impossible. It is normal to feel sad but in front of your husband stay as strong and as positive as you can. Good luck and God bless you both.

      over 5 years ago
    • jlacquement's Avatar

      Barb, some ppl have to have regular kidney dialysis, some have blood transfusions, we have to have chemo. Your husband's chemo is most likely Flo 5 which is what I get. It's not that bad comparatively speaking. His side effects should be mild & short.

      over 5 years ago
    • abrub's Avatar

      Barb, has his pathology been reviewed by a major cancer center? If his pathologist isn't sure of the origin, it might be worth it to have his slides reviewed at a place like MD Anderson or Memorial Sloan Kettering - where all they do is cancer. Mine is a colo-rectal cancer, but of appendiceal origin (also stage 4), which affected the treatment I received. Yes, I had the systemic chemo given to stage 4 colon cancer patients, but I also had intraperitoneal chemo, which is not commonly used for "ordinary" colon cancer. I'm currently approaching the 6th anniversary of my diagnosis, and doing very well.

      over 5 years ago
    • CrazyHarry's Avatar

      I didn't have a billion, but I had 2 and my first 4 years ago was completely normal. Then this last December, I had one because of poopie problems that I was having and I end up with rectal cancer and 3 more polyps.

      I've just begun my healing journey which will take another 8 months or so.

      Best wishes to you and your husband for a full healing.

      over 5 years ago
    • NanaL's Avatar

      Dear Barb, I hope that all went well for your husband's first treatment. I know chemo and the side effects can be very scary. My hope is that the chemo will relieve some of his pain and that the side effects will be minimal. It's important to stay hydrated before, during and after chemo. So if he doesn't really feel like eating try and make sure he gets plenty to drink. Soup broth, popsicles and smoothies are all good for him. Hope this helps and keep your chin up. Blessings to you both!

      over 5 years ago
    • ElizaM's Avatar

      I had been given a 2 year-until-next-colonoscopy appointment, but within 10 months of that determination I had a major bleed - no pain, no symptoms of any kind, just needed 11 pints of blood - that triggered a much earlier colonoscopy and they found the source in my cecum. Stage III on surgery with lymph node involvement. After horrendous chemo and feeling sicker than I could have ever imagined, I'm now 5 months from the end of treatment and am back to full strength. I'm sorry your husband is in pain. I almost wish I had had some kind of pain because without it I just have no idea what's going on now - whether it's truly in remission or working it's way up into something disastrous again. I guess I don't respond to pain as others do - when my appendix ruptured I just felt constipated the 24 hours before. Had I experienced pain I might have been spared such a life-threatening ordeal, as I didn't get to the hospital until I had a fever of 104 and was vomiting. Pain is a great indicator of a trouble of some origin and a way of monitoring what is going on. I would urge you to be pro-active and look at all the alternatives to just relying on chemotherapy. Major changes in diet, exercise, attitude, etc. Copper therapy, mistletoe infusions, Hemp Oil, etc. etc. There are so many ways to support the healing process that no oncologist will ever mention to you. Best wishes to you and your husband.

      over 5 years ago
    • alivenwell's Avatar

      If he's getting FOLFOX, he may have sensitivity to cold surfaces or outside air. It may sound outragious, but he will need to reach into the fridge with a glove on or he will feel neuropathy. For me, personally, I've had little nausea from FOLFOX. Sometimes this kind of pause makes us think about how precious life is in the long run. He should stay indoors, especially with the cold weather.

      over 5 years ago

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