• my mom has cancer for 3rd time, uterine at 51 9years ago breast now other breast she is 78. my question is how can I help her through this

    Asked by Suehendo on Wednesday, January 16, 2013

    my mom has cancer for 3rd time, uterine at 51 9years ago breast now other breast she is 78. my question is how can I help her through this

    the doctor want to do chemo she says no. It's her body her cancer so what can I do?

    9 Answers from the Community

    9 answers
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      Nothing. She is absolutely right, it is her body and her decision. She needs you to support her choice.

      over 4 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      Hello, sometimes in situations like this; less is more. She has been fighting this disease for awhile, so there is nothing that you can teach her she probably does not already know. Perhaps you might just let her know that whatever decisions she makes, you are there to support her decision and help her achieve whatever goal she seeks. Let her know that you will take this journey with her, together... because you can learn from her strength and her wisdom. We are never too old to learn from our parents, and they are never too old to teach. She is the matriarch, a vital role; there is no disease that can diminish that role. She has been around the block and fought this off twice already so she knows the enemy she fights. She sounds like a Grand Woman with much dignity. It is these women who weave their children into a legacy of strength; you are truly lucky. Best of luck to you, Carm.

      over 4 years ago
    • Harry's Avatar

      There isn't much you can do. She is in charge of her body and if she doesn't want chemo then that is the way it is. My mother, age 88 with pnacreatic cancer, would have refused chemo if it had been offered. But, the doc in this case came to the same conclusion she did, chemo would not have given her enough pain free months to make it worth it. She is doing very well after surgery, but I expect the cancer will come back. All I can do is support her in her decision. I had to explain it to my brothers.

      over 4 years ago
    • TinaJacques' Avatar

      Well, I don't agree with the people that are saying there is *nothing* you can do. You can't force her into having chemo, and frankly this is her third go-around and she is 78 so I totally agree with her decision... but none the less, this is going to be a frightening and emotionally trying time for your mom (and for you too, of course). Your mother needs your support. As much as this is hard for you, understand that she needs you to put her first in this moment and support her decision. She'll need you to be there for her emotionally. Just make sure her last days are filled with as much love, laughter, and good stuff as your possibly can. And as for you, take time for yourself, and talk to a grief counselor of necessary. I am sorry that you have to go through this. xox

      over 4 years ago
    • Lindy's Avatar

      Yes, it is her life, her body, her decision. You might get some shared counseling to help the two of you have a mutual understanding of her decision, the impact on you and your role as her daughter/caretaker. I understand her not wanting to go full tilt again although I am sure the oncologist would temper the choice in regard to her age. Wonder if she felt comfortable with the oncologist. I am learning to trust mine more as I learn more, he seems to have my back. Whatever her decision she has you, we will be here for you both.

      over 4 years ago
    • princess123's Avatar

      Going through chemo at 58 is tough. I can understand why she would not want to do it at 78. Just be there to care for her. I cared for my mom when she had bone cancer. That was the most special time of my life with her. I was able to do something for her ( and she showed her appreciation verbaly ) that no one else was a part of and was able to "pay back" some of what she did for me. Just follow what she needs to make her as comfortable as you can and enjoy your time with her. It wont be easy I know. But it's the best thing you'll ever do.

      over 4 years ago
    • hikerchick's Avatar

      Chemo isn't the only thing that has ever helped a cancer patient. Just because she doesn't want chemo doesn't necessarily mean she's near her last days. There are natural approaches I'm sure you can find in personal testimonials that she may want to consider. She may just want to reduce stress. Or, live it up. Or try Essiac tea. Or yoga.
      It's always difficult when parents age. But in the cancer world, she's done real well already. She's lucky to have had this much time with you. How wonderful it might be to really move into quality time now, rather than survival work and side effects.
      What can you do? Validate, accept and support her and her decisions. Good luck to you both.

      over 4 years ago
    • Yallpaint's Avatar
      Yallpaint (Best Answer!)

      I think there is much you can do. And I don't mean trying to talk her out of it. Chemo is a terrible, terrible experience and it is understandable that a person might choose not to do it for a third time. Supporting her choice and helping both of you be grateful for what you have is essential. Few of us get to repay our parents for the time, energy, sacrifice, and love they gave us just getting us to grow up. Most of us have to pay that forward by doing the same for our own children. You are fortunate in that you also get to pay it back. Peace to both of you.

      over 4 years ago
    • Doberwomyn's Avatar

      support her in her choice it makes sense to me

      over 4 years ago

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