• My mom was recently diagnosed with colon cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. I have a full time job yet am expected to manager her care

    Asked by DaughterofPSS on Wednesday, January 23, 2013

    My mom was recently diagnosed with colon cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. I have a full time job yet am expected to manager her care

    and accompany her to her appoints, chemo tx, etc. I am finding it difficult where to draw the line in taking care of her and taking care of myself and my family. It has become ESPECIALLY difficult given all that I do is not enough, let alone recognized. I am also treated with a great deal of disrespect by her. Where can I find help with dealing with these issues - PLEASE!?

    5 Answers from the Community

    5 answers
    • carm's Avatar

      DaughterofPSS, because your mom is over 65, medicare has a support site for caregivers and can inform you of what is available to you in your area. Just google support for caregivers and the link to that medicare site will come up. Best of luck to you, Carm.

      over 4 years ago
    • Beaner54's Avatar

      To DaughterofPSS - first off, children should care about their parent's BUT it is not their job to have to take care of them.
      Doing so harms the role of parent/child and that is terribly unhealthy. I went through a similar situation and it made me crazy

      There are social workers available at most cancer treatment centers and I suggest you talk to one.
      Transportation, home health care, etc. can be arranged.

      Has your Mom always been disrespectful of you OR is this since the cancer diagnosis?

      over 4 years ago
    • Okiegrandma's Avatar

      Now is the time to marshal all your resources. Make a list of all the people in your church, neighborhood and f amily who can help with transportation. It isn't necessary for someone to stay with her during infusion. That's what the nurses are for...to take care of her during treatment, be sure she has something to read and eat if her treatments are long. You could even have one person take her and another pick her up. I prefer not to have anyone sit with me. I woul rather meditate, read or watch tv or talk on my cell phone. Other members of your family should help, even teenagers old enough to drive, DO NOTWAIT for them to volunteer. They never will. Learn to delegate chores. It will be good for you and good for them. Don't just sit and be angry because it has all fallen on you. If you don't enlist help for both you and your mother, you will both suffer.
      I expect also that you have not quite come to terms with your mothers illness. This is normal. My daughter was in denial for more than a year. She didn't do anything to help. I finally started telling her when I needed help or a meal. She responded positively.
      Remember,no one in your family is a mind reader. If you need help, ask. The worst you can do is hear a "no." go on to the next person on your list. Your family, kids, husband, should be included in you mother.'s care. Remember, martyrdom is out of style this year. "ask and it shall be given."

      over 4 years ago
    • Peroll's Avatar

      The lack of recognition for your efforts and the disrespect may be signs of either depression or dimentia/Alzhimers. I am familiar with both as I got depression from my chemo and have been dealing with a MIL with dimentia for the past 8 years or so. Chemo can cause depression and may also accelerate dimentia. Cancer Drs are often not very good a recognizing these things. I urge you to get her seen by a Dr that specilizes in these areas as there are treatments for depression and some for dimentia. You should go to the appontment so you can tell the Dr about behavior changes that your mother may not be aware of that can help get an accurate dianosis and treatment. Good Luck and let us know how things go.

      over 4 years ago
    • alivenwell's Avatar

      Is there a visiting nurses association in your area that can keep track of her at home? A neutral person may be the answer to her frustration as well as your need to have some respite/relief from all of this chaos. Take care of yourself! If that's not possible, then she also has no real reliable care, transportation, etc.

      over 4 years ago

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