• my spouse doesn't want anyone to know he has cancer. is this normal? I feel like this affects my own coping skills.

    Asked by kennyz on Monday, December 16, 2013

    my spouse doesn't want anyone to know he has cancer. is this normal? I feel like this affects my own coping skills.

    15 Answers from the Community

    15 answers
    • CAS1's Avatar

      Please try and read some of the material out there about supporting someone with cancer. The NCI has a good pamplet that is available through them or at an American cancer society office. No ones behavior or choices should effect how you choose to cope.

      People with cancer are dealing with a great deal already please try and not put your feelings and issues on those with cancer as they are already carring a great deal on their shoulders. guilt being a big one.

      It takes effort to learn how to really be supportive and put the other person front and center. How to honor their choices before your own.

      over 6 years ago
    • ladyhawk's Avatar

      yes, totally normal! :) If I could go back, I wouldn't have told anyone, you get alot of sympathy calls that drive you nuts and people care than they don't! like its no big deal you have C, tell him not to freak out when the people you thought were your friends are no where to be found after awhile, some can't handle it and some just think were a catchy germ or something, sad to say this but I had too,so you will understand the whole cancer world. But we get over it and live our merry way with our true friends. Blessings to you and family.

      over 6 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar

      Ladyhawk Yeah, I had a friend for about 6 years-- Girl-I got your back-anytime you need anything-call me. her water pipes in the garage broke during a freeze. She found the plumber which my son paid for, I was standing ankle deep in 33 degree temp, with MY SHOP VAC getting the water out, and I found a work crew of my friends and grandsons to move everything out. Her family took one look at the garage and headed for the hills.

      If things went south for me, and they were saying that would happen soon-I needed to name someone to be my proxy. This can be done by phone- like if a person is fed by tube- they contact the proxy in Japan or NYC and say, The directive says that she wants to be tube fed, do you agree?, and the proxy that's maybe in Alaska or Argentina- says- Yes, tube feed her. I told her that she wouldn't be financially responsible for anything----She didn't even have to visit me.

      A 26 year-old grandson is my proxy- Oh, I'm in remission---So now I guess she feels really stupid--I sent her an Email joke - a short one-last week- and she told me to quit bothering her. Then Thanksgiving 2012, my nose was sideways, etc. and somebody showed up and and was taking pics of my face, and posting them on FB with some nasty tags--One of the family checked their smart phone- saw this- and they made her remove everything- cleared her card and wouldn't let her have a phone back until she left.

      over 6 years ago

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