• Need some help to cope....PLEASE.

    Asked by sunshinemb on Saturday, November 16, 2013

    Need some help to cope....PLEASE.

    Any suggestions on how to make it through chemo treatments after a major surgery with NO FAMILY SUPPORT WHAT SO EVER, one son who is non existent and in denial, only friends but they are miles away; so alone with this recurrence, in a place I'm new to; moved closer to oncologist and surgeon due to extensive surgery and treatment. Looking for a friend to talk to on a daily basis; it's making me want to just say forget it and let the Lord take me to a better place; very depressed especially with my son whom I raised as a single mom and worked 7 day a week to support him; and now he has no emotion regarding my health, only thinks of himself and his girlfriend and their life without me in it. Very sad situation, could use some encouraging words or advise on how to make it through the next 5 months. Feeling helpless and very alone.

    13 Answers from the Community

    13 answers
    • JewelF's Avatar

      This breaks my heart? Do you have a tablet or a smartphone? Why not schedule regular Skype (teleconferencing) with the ones who do care about you? Or join a local support group. Do NOT give up.

      over 7 years ago
    • angeldancer's Avatar

      Sunshinemb...i hear you and I feel your aloneness. I to have family that is not too far but are so removed from people that go through anything. My daughter lives in Maryland and I in california.

      Just know that God is in the midst even when you are too tired. God is there when the pain seems unbearable. God will send someone to speak to you that you may not know but have kind words, strengthening words, and just may become your friend. You can talk to me. I think people that are going through something similar have a way to help each other through this maze to get to the healing we need. I don't know if this site has inbox but lets figure out how to stay in contact.

      over 7 years ago
    • ld_105's Avatar

      Sunshine, it's tough. You need to take care of your health right now. See if you can find a local support group. When I was recovering from my mastectomy friends were initially supportive but this lessoned as the weeks passed. I focused on getting better and told myself that I can't let other people determine my recovery. They did what they were able to do. Keep in touch I'm sure you will get many responses. This is a very supportive community.

      I also keep in touch with the wife of a friend who is a BC survivor. She asks the right questions and we compare our treatment plans. It was through her recommendation that I found my breast surgeon and cancer center. People who have not had cancer just don't understand.

      Might I suggest to break your 5 months down into parts. I initially focused on where to get treated, then the surgeon, then the pre-surgical testing, then surgery, recovery from surgery, etc. It is too much to contemplate all of the steps in the process at one time. I still don't think about it, eleven months after the DX. Take care.

      over 7 years ago
    • Corri's Avatar

      In addition to being a cancer survivor, I work for the American Cancer Society. They have a myriad of ways to support cancer patients--from make up classes to volunteers who give patients rides to and from appointments. They have support groups and people who've been there--and completely understand. In addition to using this resource here, I urge you to contact your local office and ask for help. (cancer.org). I am just sure that people are out there-ready and willing to support you.
      Honestly, Sunshine, my friends and family were dumbfounded at my diagnosis-and though they wanted to help (and did some very practical things), they could not understand. I have never felt so alone in all of my life. So, I began to reach out and did the things that I recommended above. It was at the Look Good Feel Better class that I realized that I was in a sisterhood-that every woman there fully understood my anguish, loneliness and pain. I discovered hope. I knew all along that I had hope--but it became real to me that day. A silly place, I know.....but a room full of people who could listen and say that they understood made a world of difference.
      OH--the services that I mentioned above are free.
      Good for you for reaching out!

      over 7 years ago
    • Carol-Charlie's Avatar

      Sunshine... what a perfect name!!!! You are never alone. God is always with you. All you have to do is ask Him to carry you through this. I know I did... AND THEN He Did. You were the strong one your son always counted on. You still are. Give him some time to get over his fear of losing you. He loves you from what I read in what you posted. Assure him that you will always be with him... ALWAYS. One of my sons and my husband were joking with me one day about "having to put up with me and which was the better "Saint". I joked back that my husband was as he had signed up for "sickness or health" "Better or worse" etc. Hubby walks away smiling. I was typing something on line... I off handed said to my son, "Besides there were many of our years together when you really needed me."......... It was very quiet. He was sitting on the bed behind me and suddenly I heard a 'croak' I turned and his eyes were bright with tears streaming down his face... he had his hand reaching out to me and he said... "Mom.. I need you now... Please don't leave me"... WELL I assured him I was going no where... Now he was in his forties when this happened. We're always their mother. I cried so hard when alone. Knowing he needs me still, if for nothing more than a sounding board. It's been eight years since my diagnosis... I have been cancer free for almost all of it. I was DX Stage IV Ovarian

      over 7 years ago
    • ladyhawk's Avatar

      This is not fair! no one deserves this, BUT, you came to the right place, WE won't leave you, chat, blog, vent as much as you like, we totally get it! :) blessingssss

      over 7 years ago
    • tam4givin's Avatar

      I am so sorry dear! I know exactly how you feel! I am alone to, no family any where close and my 3 children are all very busy with family, work, friends, etc. My church has just about abandoned me because they do not understand me not being able to attend church right now.
      Have you asked the doctor about home health care after your surgery? My surgeon's nurse said insurance will not cover it, but I have herd other people with Medicare get it.
      Have you asked the doctor's office about support groups?
      I went a hour away to what was suppose to be a better hospital (it turned into a nightmare).
      I live in a good size city (about 145,000) but there is no American Cancer Society office. I called the national office and feel through the cracks, called back a month later, they said people tried to call me and were told I do not live there, they had my number right. Someone else on here said they did the same thing to her. They said someone was going to send me a little pillow and some other stuff. I got a couple little info books, no pillow. They had a Oncologists nurse call me, she could not answer any of my questions, read info to me that you can read on line, and we got cut off.
      I keep praying for wisdom of what God's will is in all of this. I know He is taking care of me and will bring good out of it all. . I am still lonely, and tired of not being able to clean my house or drive for over a month.
      It is very hard to not get stuck in a pitty party! I know that is not from God, it is from the devil, so I have a good cry some times, keep praying and reading God's word.
      I wish we could private message, I would love to talk to you on the phone.
      A nurse yesterday told me there is a phone line you can call and get counseling free over the phone. It is Cancer Care line.
      I am a member of another site that I really like and has private messaging , breastcancer org
      I am praying for you dear!

      over 7 years ago
    • LindaKR's Avatar

      Huge hugs for you, Sunshine. I have five adult kids - the oldest, daughter, says "anything you need mom, just tell me and I'll be there." My only sibling, a brother, said,"You know how busy I am but if you need anything just let me know." I don't ask any more because the few small requests went unanswered or they were too busy. Now they can say they offered but I didn't ask. My 21-year-old son's world is his girlfriend, too. My 25-year-old son also lives here with me but has a small daughter and two jobs. My middle son has gone MIA, an alcoholic, but he does know I have cancer. Like you did repeatedly in spite of many obstacles all the years you raised your son, at probably the hardest time in your life you'll have to dig up the strength again, alone, and find other people who can be there for you in ways you need them to be. I don't yet know the full scope of assistance available but I joined a clinical trial through City of Hope on symptoms and quality of life - I was told professionals will monitor me regularly and make referrals and help available as indicated. 'Wasn't going to turn it down. I have contacted a care agency, not free, to look into costs/safety of having someone come in my home as needed, especially with my first chemo coming up early December. I understand the ineffable pain you're going through. You shouldn't have to do this alone.

      over 7 years ago
    • Teapot's Avatar

      I would suggest having faith in God and joining a church, where you can experience Christian fellowship.

      over 7 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar

      I can only suggest you Pray for Guidance from God.
      ALSO....check out this empowering and hopeful site below and The Hallelujah Diet.
      Take back SOME Control for yourself !!
      Barry [email redacted]

      over 7 years ago
    • invokethestars' Avatar

      Just wanted to say that I'm sending my love and some positive energy to you. Going through this alone is not easy, so I suggest looking up local support groups in your area/community online. Your cancer center should have someone, a nurse navigator, or social worker, that can help steer you in a direction, as well... your local American Cancer Society can also help you find groups to join, and getting involved with Relay for Life can be therapeutic, too.
      Also, spend time doing things you enjoy when you're feeling good through chemo, or do some things you've always wanted to do. It will help remind you why it's worth the fight, because life definitely is worth the fight.
      Keep in mind, too, that many women know little to nothing about ovarian cancer, and you have an opportunity to become an advocate and to share your story of being a warrior. Don't give up.
      As far as your son, I'm not sure the details of the relationship, but it could be that he doesn't understand the extent of your situation, or maybe he just doesn't know how to deal with it. Try talking to him, let him know you love and miss him and that you could use his help through this time; if it doesn't work, continue seeking out help from the cancer community and mending that relationship will come with time.
      Hope this helps! Feel free to e-mail me, too, at [email redacted]. I'd love to talk sometime!
      With love and light,
      Danelle Clark,
      Ovarian Cancer Survivor and Advocate

      over 7 years ago
    • milan2ny's Avatar
      milan2ny (Best Answer!)

      I know its tough. I've been there. My family are all out of the country and i have few friends who know my situation. I was alone most the time when i was having treatment. Had total hysterectomy last dec 2011 and spent new year in the hospital. i had an accumulation of fluid in my stomach and have to put drain attach in my butt check, wc makes me hard to sit or lay down, for 17 days, flushing twice a day. Been in ER twice all bymyself. Thats when i ask my family to come bec i really need help. My brother come for ten days and accompany me to chemotheraphy. Next was my sister for a month. It was so nice with somebody holding my hand, giving me hug esp when im really in pain. But, from march to june, i am all bymyself. Go the hospital and do chemo everyweek, take the cab or train. Sometimes feel good after the treatment sometimes not. There was atime i throw up in the trash bin in subway and even in bus station. Those things that i saw in the movie, in the books i read, i experience them, and i am alone. Times that i have to stop walking, hold on the wall. Go to grocery, do my laundry. But you know what, i think, being alone, that is the thing that made me stronger. "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!!!" Word that i always put in my head. I was so tired, the bed is calling me, but i get up and walk, even from one wall to another, bec i was thinking, if i lay down, i will become weaker, and if im weak, i will die. I have to survive! I lost my appetite, so i just look at the time, and when its time to eat, i just put everything in my mouth and mostly soupy food bec its easy to swallow. And its also better to throw up when you have something rather than, nothing come out. But the most important of all BE POSITIVE. I MADE IT, AND YOU CAN TOO. Next week, i will be a year survivor, and im doing ok. Hair has grown and as if nothing happen. You can contact me if you want. NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

      over 7 years ago
    • cava's Avatar

      Dear Sunshinemb - there is a group called Immerman Angels who connect cancer patients with fellow cancer survivors with the same type of cancer who will call you and email with you to support you. Give it a try.

      over 7 years ago

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