• Need to find hope in a losing battle

    Asked by Hope4Barbie on Tuesday, March 11, 2014

    Need to find hope in a losing battle

    I'd like to understand better how to approach the situation with our family member -of when and how to do pAperwork and make decisions for her quality of life which :( right before our eyes is fading?
    Diagnosis-stage 4 melanoma spread to -eye-breast-liver also tumor on hip... currently on 2 round of Immune therapy... side effects/ sweeping of feet -exhaustion -not eating-mJor weight loss--?? We are currently beginning to start process of where to start to help her... only been two months and drastically has changed our lives.. my heart is broken - but will proceed to Hope!

    19 Answers from the Community

    19 answers
    • melanomamama's Avatar

      We have the "death with dignity" physician assisted suicide available in Oregon, but you'd be surprised how hard it is to kill yourself regardless of pain and desperation. Patients mostly keep the lethal prescription on hand just in case, and then die without taking it. They have to be alert enough to drink the drugs themselves - nobody can feed it to them - and when you're that alert, you still cling to life. But I'm glad for the law. Even having the lethal prescription on hand can ease suffering, because the patient knows they can choose their own way out of misery.
      Speaking of which, all this doom and gloom talk of end-of-life pain does not apply to all cancer deaths. I have seen more people die relatively painlessly, and just wind down like a broken clock. I asked my doctor point blank whether death from my cancer would likely be lingering and painful. He said that I'll be going along fine, it will hit me, and suddenly I'll be gone. That was actually good news!
      Constance Emerson Crooker

      almost 6 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar

      You forgot something else Barry-if you commit suicide, your burial insurance is null and void. I'm going over to a funeral home that's been around for a 100 years or so, and buy a plan-then hope that the home doesn't go bankrupt. So far, when homes have gone under, other homes step up, and honor the original plan.

      I have a DNR, but if anybody calls the paramedics-the state takes ownership of your body, and it wants you to be alive------ I knew a man with cancer in his throat around his vocal cords-etc. The family hired a caretaker. He slipped, and the side of his neck hit the edge of a counter, that opened a heavy bleeding gash. The caretaker saw this. He gargled, -NO,NO- When the ENTs came- he pointed to the DNR- and said an audible -No, no. His son came and tried to stop them, and the old man was saying leave me- let me die. So they decided that he was suicidal-and they took him to a nursing home, where he was tubed-etc. He cried- wrote on his board- Let me go home- leave me a lone- and he had a final directive. The cancer finally moved to his bronchial tubes and suffocated him. Here he was in a position where he would have died withing a few minutes, but they made him live in pain for 9 more months. He writhed in pain and agony, trying to scream. They completely ignored his advanced directive-and the express wishes of the family to let him meet his god or whatever is beyond the veil.

      My state allows for doctor assisted death, as of 3 weeks ago. A federal judge ruled. Several doctors got together with a lawyer, and these poor people in the last stages of cancer, ALS, Parkinson's, etc. testified, the doctors testified. But that doesn't signify that you can find a doctor that would assist. Then the state guidelines to even enter hospice are so strict-they want to make sure the patient will probably be dead in 2 weeks, so the hospices aren't under investigation for using beaucoup addictive drugs. Too bad they don't have some electronic pain meter for us that are extreme pain, but our systems aren't shutting down yet.

      almost 6 years ago
    • daca1964's Avatar

      Hi there, it isn't easy. Weight lost was a big one for me lost 40lbs in first 6 months. Then there was the flu like symptoms. I had Stage IIIB Nodular Melanoma. I'm almost 5 years out. Sounds like hers has spread really fast. It's not an easy situation you are in. Take everyday as a gift. Hope it all works out for you.


      almost 6 years ago

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