• No Question Just a Statement

    Asked by Sharlie on Sunday, August 14, 2016

    No Question Just a Statement

    After some harsh & threatening posts lately I have decided I need to take a break from WN. I've always fought for everyone's right to speak their mind but after recently being among those labeled as immoral because of the choices I've made in my own treatment, I've had enough of the drama/negativity. As we're all adults I assumed that we could agree to disagree without resorting to name calling/personal attacks. These "conversations" have gotten the best of me to the point that I've lost my cool a time or two & that's not typical for me. It's human to get upset now & then but it's not a state I want to live in. I don't tell people what to do, how to live, or what they must believe in & I try to preface everything I say as merely my opinion & my choice for me & I encourage others in their own treatments. I appreciate the support I've been given here, the wealth of information that I've received & the virtual friendships made. I'm hoping that I'll be able to come back with renewed spirit

    38 Answers from the Community

    38 answers
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Sharlie, I'm so sorry that you've been hurt here. I want to say that you've helped me so much. I want to apologize if I have said anything that hurt you.

      I hope that you change your mind. No matter what you do, I hope for the very best for you.
      Sometimes people aren't at their best here, but that's true anywhere. Something was bothering one person and she went into a rant that I'm not an American and I should leave. This isn't a political forum-it wasn't even the 4th of July It was directed directly to me-- I replied by going to the pinboard and downloading pictures of ships that my husband served on. I think that in the first 20 years of marriage, we had 5 Christmases together. I found it hard, and I worried a lot. You know-this woman -- Oh, well---whatever. I just avoid her-I thought that I was doing that-then

      So I think that I might know how you feel. I just wanted you to know that I respect you. Again, I hope the best for you, and I hope that you come back.

      As we say around here to people that we like----Hugs--- seriously, you can talk to me any time

      about 3 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      Sharlie, I've been out of the loop, but I'll tag along with what Meyati wrote here. And I'll say "Hugs" - Carol

      about 3 years ago
    • lujos' Avatar
      lujos

      I've had some of the same xenophobic comments myself, just because I made a comment about the expense of American health care. I know when people are ill, they can say things they don't mean, and I've ridden out the bad talk, for the most part. It did make me feel really bad, though.

      In the main, everyone here has been helpful and kind, and I try to remember that. I hope you change your mind!

      about 3 years ago
    • jujurrr's Avatar
      jujurrr

      Sharlee you have been an inspiration to me and Tami and I hope you don't leave - you have a lot to offer us and we all appreciate it. We love you here.

      about 3 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      Sorry to hear this....I don't recall what you are talking about. Did ONE person say something?

      about 3 years ago
    • georgiamerlyn's Avatar
      georgiamerlyn

      Sometimes it is healthy to take a break and just live our life-there are times I follow this site frequently then there are periods I disconnect. Living each moment while struggling with health issues is difficult. Pray you have a peaceful year ahead-bless you! This site should be a support as each finds the path that is set for them!

      about 3 years ago
    • Molly72's Avatar
      Molly72

      I've always enjoyed & admired your comments.
      There are all types of people here who have opinions that might differ from yours, and certainly mine. But, that makes life interesting.
      You would be greatly missed, even if you left for a short time, so perhaps reconsider?

      about 3 years ago
    • mdybas' Avatar
      mdybas

      I am sorry you are getting such negative experiences!! I have too at times, but I try my best to ignore them. There are all kinds of people out there and I choose not to worry about the negative ones. I have taken a few days away when I get those negative ones. We are in this to support one another on good days and bad. I for one truly appreciate you.

      about 3 years ago
    • msesq's Avatar
      msesq

      So sorry someone(s) have offended you. You will be missed. Hope to see you back soon!

      about 3 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I will chime in on this as the moderator/site manager that we respect everyone's right to speak their mind and have their opinion. But that being said, the decision to censor someone, or even delete them from the site, lies solely with me. If I see someone is bullying someone, or constantly forcing their opinion on another, I will take action. Everyone sees each situation differently and one person may be offended by what another person views as amusing, entertaining, or informative. Over the years that this site has been online, we have had a few people that have rubbed me wrong and I will speak up when I see it, but rarely have I had to take serious action.

      I invite anyone to drop me an email to greg @ whatnext . com if you see a post that you don't think is appropriate, or if you have been hurt by something that someone has said. I will take a look, in some cases, I will take some action, in others, I will let it slide. WhatNext is supposed to be a place where we can come to and get support, inspiration, and motivation to get through this stupid thing called cancer. Any posts that are not helping others to get there, I will have a problem with.

      Everyone should just remember that the internet is full of people that will sit behind a screen and post/say things that they would never say in person. And some of them are just idiots, and at times we have to just let that stuff roll off like water on a duck.

      We have a great bunch of people here that are a mixture of current patients, survivors, and caregivers or family that help to look out for everyone. We thank all of you for supporting each other.

      For anyone that thinks this is a place that they can be a disruptive, un-supportive and overly opinionated to the point of making others uncomfortable, just know that my finger is on the trigger and can delete people from the site quickly.

      about 3 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      Hate to see a kindred spirit disappear from the forum but I completely understand.

      Please remember there is fear which comes along with illness. People who are afraid tend to strike out. As lines of type, no one can hurt you despite accidentally hitting hot buttons.

      Carool and I used to butt heads. Meyati suggested a commonality between us and Carool & I are now FB buds and learning about each other. If nothing else, we are learning to respect each other.

      I, for one, will miss your input and hope that you will simply take a short break.

      I'd like to stay in touch, perhaps through Facebook, if you use it. I use the same handle at yahoo dot com. If not, I understand.

      Just want you to know that you are very much appreciated and that, like flowers, I would like to see and for you to see blessings strewn along your road.

      Best wishes.

      about 3 years ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar
      Lynne-I-Am

      Sharlie, all of us have to decide what is best for us both emotionally and physically on a daily basis. Having been part of the WhatNext community for three years I have periodically seen conversations become a little heated but most of those end in an "agree to disagree " attitude . Whenever you have two or more conversing , there is the possibility of differing opinions, but NO ONE should ever feel threatened. Please take all the time you need for you, but, as you can see from the above postings, your contributions to the community have been very much appreciated. So please, when you are ready, give others the benefits of your experiences, continue to share, and continue to be a part of the WhatNext community.

      about 3 years ago
    • Sharlie's Avatar
      Sharlie

      My need for a break is not related to one thing or just one post but rather what seems like a couple of months of constant immature bickering, name calling & what sometimes feels like personal attacks on me and others who don't toe the line, believe or act a certain way or follow a certain protocol. It finally just came to a head when I found myself thinking about the last "attack" a few days afterwards. It was invading my personal space & I realized it was just time for a short break. I just need to take a step back and find a solution I can be at peace with. It might mean just posting on individual walls for a while and staying away from threads. It might mean just posting what I feel led to share and not reading other's comments, although I usually gain a lot by reading what most others have to share. I don't know what the answer is for me in this situation but I just need perhaps a few weeks to take a break & figure it out. As I have said often, I love this site! I love the support I receive and love being able to support others. I've only been a WhatNexter for 17 months and in that time I've learned so much while also overlooking and ignoring things that I don't personally agree with. The muck and the crap have gotten deeper and more personal recently and I just need to get to a place where I can overlook it again and not be affected by it. I'm an introvert who needs to have quiet time to process things and find my center. I shan't be far away. Peace, love and lots of hugs.

      about 3 years ago
    • gonewest's Avatar
      gonewest

      Sharlie, I must have missed these threads as I'm on and off visiting here. What the (expletive deleted) happened? Just so you know, your posts have been so gracious, so helpful and comforting to me. So dismayed. Love, Chris

      about 3 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      Yes, as geekling says, she and I have gone from inevitably arguing (sometimes insulting or verging on that) to being FB friends. It's a real pleasure to have had that turnaround!

      As some here know, I'm one to go off-topic and into politics (and even atheist-versus-believer). I hope I've never offended anyone. In any case, I've decided to stop offering (or thrusting!) my opinions on those fraught areas here. It's inappropriate (for me, anyway). Hugs, Carool

      about 3 years ago
    • ShortCuts' Avatar
      ShortCuts

      Name-calling is definitely not OK it's childish and immature. With that being said we are all adults here and we are here to support each other and learn from one another. For me I always abide by the old adage of sticks and stones. Personally I have been way through too much to allow someone personal insult or comment affect me. But everyone needs to do what's best for them and that means taking a step back perfectly all right. Hope to see you back soon. Hugs <3

      about 3 years ago
    • andreacha's Avatar
      andreacha

      Sharlie, I am sometimes unable to check the site daily. I must have missed these actions as when I have read the question and answer section so much good advice was given. I don't remember if I was in the position of commenting on one of your posts or not. However, if I did and I offended you in some way it was not intentional and I apologize. Enjoy your time away but always remember we are waiting for your return. Blessings.

      about 3 years ago
    • Lorie's Avatar
      Lorie

      Sharlie. Sorry you have been upset. Not good for you so take whatever time you need and remember all the thanks and well wishes written above. Lorie

      about 3 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      (((Hugs))), Sharlie.
      I'm sorry to hear about the toxicity you've been faced with. I value your voice on this site, and I also know that you need to do what is best for you. Wishing you peace and comfort.

      about 3 years ago
    • Jesse0218's Avatar
      Jesse0218

      Sharlie, I'm sorry about what's happening to you too. We all have our battles to face daily and we all face them the way that's best for us.
      Nobody should be negative on this digest or get into name calling. There's way too much negativity in this world to start with.
      I know I get irritated with some of the negativity I see on here at times too.
      I also know how frustrated I get with my own battles but try to keep quiet and be supportive of the others.
      I know I don't get here every day either and sometimes, it's several days in between when I do get here and catch up.
      I do wish the best for you and hope that one day you'll be back with us and it will be more positive here. Stirring up trouble isn't what any of us need!

      about 3 years ago
    • tracyt's Avatar
      tracyt

      Wow! I'm so sorry to hear something like that happened. I've never seen negative comments on here. As much as we are all going through or have been through, I just cant believe that someone would do that! This group have helped me cope with this disease so much and I think of us all, as family. I've been battling breast cancer since 2013 and it became stage 4 earlier this year. I was devastated but I thank God for my family here at what next because I feel like you guys were the only ones that truly understood how I was feeling. To some, this site is all the support they have. We have to always treat each other with kindness and respect and never forget what this site is about. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone so let's make today count!! I Love each and every one of you guys, i dont care what color you are or what your belief is, we all bleed red and cancer does not discriminate!! *If cancer doesnt teach you lessons, you're not willing to learn*

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Tracyt--I was diagnosed with a rare cancer on my face. I don't do well at cancer support groups, so for me this is it. I often say that I would've gone crazy without WhatNext.

      It's crazy- the person that rebuked Sharlie seldom comes to this site. Several people spoke up to the cranky person--The cranky person follows me---I don't think like a stalker-but I do wish that she would unfollow me--I don't care to be on her radar. If it went any farther with anybody else-I don't know. I just know that Sharlie is hurt.

      about 3 years ago
    • Sharlie's Avatar
      Sharlie

      My heart is overwhelmed by all the support and concern. As I said, it wasn't just one thing but rather a string of unrelated threads that just brought me to the breaking point. The last was a post that indicated that I, along with a few others who dare to sometimes recommend alternative healing options, were immoral. To me, that wasn't just a difference of opinion but an assault on my character. I usually just ignore such garbage but after a long summer of watching my beloved eight-year-old granddaughter twice a week, living in almost constant pain and coming here to support others while sifting through recent and frequent threads of negativity...it was just the final straw. But I won't be far and I will return after a little healing time for myself. You all are wonderful and a priceless treasure to me.

      about 3 years ago
    • mofields' Avatar
      mofields

      Hope you do heal. I feel for your concerns. How we handle our cancer is strictly up to us - we can and should question our doctors about treatment options, and costs, and fight with our insurance and the pharmaceutical giants who seem to give a XXX about the working middle class - don't get me started about the cost of my son's insulin!!! The rest of us should be encouraging and not belittling someone else's health decisions - we don't have the same, identical cancer that they do. Good luck to you!

      about 3 years ago
    • tracyt's Avatar
      tracyt

      Do what works for you! Some of us rely on our faith, family, meds,natural herbs, meditation, etc.... It's your choice and your decision. This life is so short and so precious. Keep on living it to the fullest!!

      about 3 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I am so sorry you feel the need to leave. There are certain people whose posts I find it easier just not to read. I feel they try to goad me and I hate when I let them get under my skin. I usually just don't read now so I don't know if they're trying to get under my skin or not.

      We are all very different. We have all faced our cancers differently. I personally hate it when people rail against traditional medicine incessantly. I especially hate it when it is done to brand new people.

      I think sometimes our own state of mind colors how we read what's written. I have read comments and been hurt by them. I can come back a day or two later and read them with a different mindframe and wonder why I was hurt.

      Anyway, I think most of us will miss you. I hope I haven't been one of those whose posts seen hateful. I do believe in traditional medicine for myself, but do believe everyone can choose their own path.

      about 3 years ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      I'm sorry you've felt attacked. I hope you have a good "vacation" from What Next and can come back renewed, ready to give advice and read advice. Many hugs!

      about 3 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I will say a couple more things about this, not saying this happened in this case, but I've seen it on other sites and everywhere on the internet.

      The written or typed word is so very easy to misinterpret that sometimes the person reading a post will think the person that posted it meant one thing, when they meant something entirely different. The same is true for texting, the world is losing it's basic rules of grammar and speech with all this new text language, and that type of posting is finding it's way into forums like ours. Some of it is hard to understand, and without the person standing in front of you, it's hard to pick up on their meaning.

      One other thing is that we don't worry too much about "staying on topic" in each thread. This one for example has gone off on things about cats and videos on line and a few other things, but BIG DEAL! Some forums are moderated so strictly that if you post something that isn't "on the topic" it will be deleted. So some people new to our site might see our free and easy demeanor around here and not realize that it's OK.

      Anyway,, thank you all for your support of each other, and this thread is another example of why WhatNext is a great place to be if you are facing cancer, we all look out for one another!

      about 3 years ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      I, too, have been "out of the loop" on this but I would like to say I'm sorry you've been hurt. I have appreciated your posts and look forward to hearing from you in the future, if and when you're ready. Big hug to you.

      about 3 years ago
    • RNSusan's Avatar
      RNSusan

      Sharlie, we all have to do what is right for us as individuals. I am sorry you were/are having a difficult time. I hope you'll be back. Nobody has the right to determine what is right for us whether that be treatment we choose or treatment we refuse. you have been a bright spot in the lives of many. keep shining!!!

      about 3 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar
      CAS1

      Some people think every post is about them.. They see everything from a small little window into their own World. Very self focused and self absorbed. Any posting, any subject is always about them and them only. This is simply how they see things from their own eyes..it is what it is.

      But no one should take Internet material personally. My goodness. Find a hobby or volunteer or get involved in some meetups or something..Get out of the house and away from the Computer. Don't let your feeling get tied up in a machine with an unknown avitar.

      There are people posting from such a wide range of backgrounds from Professionals to never employed so the response you will get will be equally varied. Vastly different.

      Plus there are some people on some heavy medication and even self medicating so that also has an impact on the attitude and how they understand and respond.

      I hope everyone's response gave you the kind of attention you were seeking and I hope it took away the hurt that you were feeling..

      But on this sites worse day it still provides a lot of hope and support to a lot of people... those who comment and those who simply read. This is a great group and you just have to ignore the comments you don't like or say your peace and be done with it.

      about 3 years ago
    • queen's Avatar
      queen

      I am sorry you have to go. Thank you for your words of wisdom. I pray that you will have peace. That God will give you what you need. You do get tired.

      about 3 years ago
    • Sharlie's Avatar
      Sharlie

      @CAS1, what do you do besides kicking people when they feel down? I did not post here seeking attention but merely to explain my upcoming absence. As a daily participant and supporter of many others, I didn't want to just disappear. I was actually being respectful of others because on this site in particular, it is worrisome if someone is suddenly just gone. One comment led to another and I felt the need for further explanation and clarification. I actually shy away from attention but I will speak up for myself and others, especially when I feel that intolerance is being reflected. I did not think that your comments in that other thread were particularly about me, but I'm not into naming names. However, since I also have recommended natural alternatives as a possibility, I did feel included and needed to speak up. There have been several threads lately (on a variety of topics) where people have exposed their view as the one and only right way and I just needed a break from it. You have no clue what I'm going through in my life and I find your comments highly offensive and insensitive.

      about 3 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      Sharlie, I, too, found CAS1's latest comment (the one on this thread) insinuating and inappropriate. I'm glad you spoke up, and now I am, too. I hadn't known whose name you weren't naming when you told us you were taking a break from WN, but I had a strong suspicion who it was, since I couldn't think of anyone else who has been mean (to me once and another WNer).

      about 3 years ago
    • Molly72's Avatar
      Molly72

      Hey Sharlie,
      Some here who should know who they are, but they really don't, tend to be sort of passive-agressive!

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      I'll back up Sharlie and Carool. I can't say anything nice about this, so I won't say any more.

      about 3 years ago
    • Molly72's Avatar
      Molly72

      I didn't get to finish my comments as here it is the middle of summer, the tomatoes are in like crazy & must be taken care of before the raccoons eat one bite out of each tomato!
      I don't want to be rude to anyone, but some of us, (myself at times too) should re-read what we write before punching that "anwer question" button.
      Sharlie was hurt by words, she was NOT seeking attention, simply telling how she felt. She also is neither self-absorbed, nor self-focused. She just has or had cancer & needs a little understanding.
      We all do!!!!!

      about 3 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      @ a name-- When somebody puts @ then your name---I think that a comment is directed to you.. The comments to Sharlie were addressed to @Sharlie---I just wanted anybody that doesn't understand these things and can't see the original postings to know that Sharlie is not a drama queen or wanting attention. She quite clearly understood that @Sharlie was indeed directed to her.

      about 3 years ago

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