• Out of options

    Asked by danpb13 on Wednesday, October 2, 2019

    Out of options

    we were told last week that they can't do anything else for my husband and the cancer has spread with beginning of liver failure & we maybe have till the end of the year with him. Everything is going so fast in my head but i cant grasp anything. We have been together since we were 15, we have 3 kids together (22,18,17) we've been through so much more than the average family. He is all i know & want. I'm not ready to do hospice or even know where to start with all that really needs to be done now. How do we live without him how can anyone move on from someone so important so loved.

    6 Answers from the Community

    6 answers
    • Dawsonsmom's Avatar

      My family is facing a similar situation w my brother. We have no answers, only questions. None of us want to be on this path and are looking for a “road less traveled”. My heart goes out to you and your family.

      2 months ago
    • Skyemberr's Avatar
      Skyemberr (Best Answer!)

      Its a frightening time to go through when you are first told that your loved one's life is probably coming to an end soon. I myself am a stage 4 colorectal cancer with mets to the lungs, kidney and brain, with every indication that my time here is coming to a close within the year. I am fighting and will do everything I can to make sure that isn't true.

      My family has had a very hard time wrapping their head around it. We all grieved immediately and had to find a way through it. Eventually though all they have been able to do is continue on living with me day to day and enjoying the time that we have where i am well enough to do anything. We have to treasure each dinner out, or day that I can sit with my kids doing homework after school. We try to forget as much as we can though as we go about our day. We want things to be as normal as possible.

      Bottom line: for us treasuring the time we have and fighting for me to stay here are all we can do. We have sought out support from social workers and therapists to prepare the family to deal with this and to get resources in place for grief counseling if the time comes for that. I recommend that to you for sure because even if you get lucky and your husband is able to survive this, the support of being able to talk to a good counselor and work out very complicated feelings is very helpful.

      Some social workers have great access to resources to help your family with getting through all of the treatments and hospice, etc. It is a lot of work to be treated for cancer unfortunately and it exhausts caregivers.

      Also, if your husband wants to keep fighting he should! It may get to a place where it no longer is helping to do treatments, but if they are saying it will extend his life and he wants to do the treatments then it's ok to keep going. If he is ready to stop that is ok too. In my case we are fighting because we hope chemo and a trial drug will buy me enough time to live through this. You never know these days. Hope keeps us going. Chemo is actually helping me.

      My heart goes out to your family. I hope your husband has much more time with him than the doctor has estimated. We have a lot of drugs coming for colorectal cancer! It is possible that one could help him if they get into clinical trials. Some drugs are at stage 1 or 2 in trials right now. We are all different though with our mutations so I am not sure which ones are relevant to your husband.

      Please keep coming back here if you need support or advice. This page has a lot of very experienced and kind folks on it who want to help. We are here for you.

      2 months ago
    • lo15's Avatar

      My heart goes out to you. This is always in the back of my mine every appointment we attend. If it helps at all, you are not alone and our thoughts and prayers are with you.

      2 months ago
    • carm's Avatar

      You support his choices. If he wants to keep fighting, you help him seek another opinion. If his will to live becomes a will to leave, then you support that too knowing that your love isn't dependent on geography so it doesn't matter where he is...you will always have love for each other...no disease can take that from either if you. Best of luck to you Both.

      2 months ago
    • shayzzwayzz's Avatar

      I am just throwing this out there just in case anyone is interested.
      I have a friend that was diagnosed with terminal cancer and they gave her a short time to live. She and her family were desperately searching for options. She came across some information on a hospital in Rosarita Beach in Mexico, called hospital Santa Monica. She did some research and contacted the staff over there. They got her there right away and started her treatments. They set her family up with accommodations and lodging. They worked with her financial situation. She is still alive today 30 years later.
      They have a 99 percent cure rate.
      You may want to check into this. Here is the contact info


      2 months ago
    • Jayne's Avatar

      I too lost my husband to colon cancer and even though I went kicking and screaming, in the end I had to respect his decision to stop treatment. He was and always will be the love of my life. There is just no easy way to get through this but in retrospect, I wish I had gone for some grief counseling both before and after. I would also say that Hospice is so incredibly helpful and doesn't necessarily mean that you have given up - they have resources and tools to help you cope and find answers to many of the things spinning around your head. Or if that just doesn't feel right, you should be able to find some support where he receives treatment. Our memories and life together are something cancer can't ever take away.

      2 months ago

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