• People are always saying "call me if you need anything", or "let me know what I can do for you".

    Asked by BugsBunny on Friday, August 9, 2019

    People are always saying "call me if you need anything", or "let me know what I can do for you".

    I feel funny asking for help with anything, have any of you actually said something like, yes you can help, my grass needs cutting, or come pick me up tomorrow and take me to treatments, etc. I just feel like I would be pushy to even ask. But people act like they want to help, I just think that most just say it because they don't know what else to say. What do you think? Ask, take help, or not?

    5 Answers from the Community

    5 answers
    • carm's Avatar

      Speaking as one who says that all day long, I think people say it because they truly mean it. They have no idea of what you are going thru; what you are feeling. They can't fix your situation so all that is left, all they can do, is to be there for you in the moment. We offer what we can to help lighten your load. You have to realize that (1)- you could use the help and (2)-nobody should ever walk that path alone. Sometimes when a patient calls me asking for assistance, it makes me feel that in some small way I am a solution because...no one wants to be the problem. The biggest complaint I hear the most from caregivers is that patients won't lean on them or ask for help. They feel shut out when they truly want to be a part of the journey. You lighten their heart in some small way when you allow them the chance to lighten your burden. So...don't be afraid to ask for help and always remember that old African proverb, "If you want to go fast, go alone. But, if you want to go far... Go together. " Best of luck to you.

      6 months ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar

      If you need help, ask for it when they offer!! If they didn't really mean it, they won't offer again. But, I know when I offer to help, I mean it. I just don't know what the person needs or wants.

      6 months ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      It is a common response that people will say to cancer patients. One way to handle this is to have a list of things that you actually do need to have done or need help with. Make several copies and give it to someone when they ask.

      6 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar

      I always said we could use a meal when they asked. And even when I couldn't eat, I at least knew my family has a good meal.
      But it is hard to ask for help. I also didn't drive so my family and my church helped me get to doctor appointments. My husband could take me to chemo but the return trip to the office to get a shot the next day was hard on his schedule so then someone drove me. It was a ten minute trip but I had to get there. No they have the auto-injections so you don't have to come back for a shot.

      6 months ago
    • Boogerman's Avatar

      I have heard that from lots of people. Some of them I know that they would have 24 excuses why they couldn't come over and do something for us if I asked. But then there are a few that I know would drop whatever they are doing and rush over if I called. I am a proud man, have always taken care of my family and have never needed help. So I haven't asked anyone to do anything. But there have been people that just showed up and done a few things for the family. Mowed the lawn, picked up the kids a couple of times from ball practice. A few dishes have been dropped of, some of them even anonymously. So I guess I'm in between on this. I will gladly accept the help if it's given to me, but I'm too stinking proud (to a fault) to ask for help.

      6 months ago

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