• Recently I've either known of or been told about several people in my area that have died from cancer.

    Asked by MerryMaid on Wednesday, August 28, 2019

    Recently I've either known of or been told about several people in my area that have died from cancer.

    Does the news of other cancer patients dying sort of mess with you? I get sort of a cold chill when I hear about another one. It's like I just keep waiting for my number to be called. Does this sort of thing mess with your mind?

    12 Answers from the Community

    12 answers
    • Bengal's Avatar

      Of course it does. Statistics do not lie. Not everybody makes it and sometimes it's hard to stay positive all the time. There's positivity, there's realistic positivity, and there's denial. I have seen two friends I ran into in the oncology waiting room subsequently pass away. It seems I hear about cancer deaths in my area every day. I remember sitting in the infusion chair looking at the other patients around me and thinking, statistically, which one of these people do I have to accept their death so I can live? That is a really difficult thought to deal with. I try very hard to believe my doctors have done everything right and I am one of the lucky ones.

      over 1 year ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar

      I belong to several support groups online, two specifically made up only of survivors of ovarian cancer .Every time I read another survivor has “ gained her wings “, I am saddened and feel a loss. Some ladies drop from the sites or take a pause because the losses are a too frequent reminder of how deadly this disease can be. I have felt survivor’s guilt at times and also have questioned the whys. The whys remain a mystery. Too many gone too soon. All I can do is to keep giving support to those who are still fighting and condolences to the families who have lost their loved ones,

      over 1 year ago
    • cllinda's Avatar

      It does. I have lost two people to breast cancer and it makes me think. I wonder why they were taken and not me. Especially one that was two years younger than me. We are human and when we hear of another one taken too early, it does mess with us.
      When the younger girl had passed, I couldn't get a decent night's sleep for weeks. I had to go to a counselor to get through it.

      over 1 year ago
    • Created07's Avatar

      I just lost a sweet niece to cancer. She was young enough to be my daughter. She will never see her daughter graduate from college, get married or have children. I, on the other hand, am a great-grandmother. I've come through 4 major cancers since 2011 and here I stand. If I allowed myself to dwell on it, I would go crazy. I choose to believe, however, that God has our very next breath in His hand. He, and only He, chooses when, and how, each of us leave this world. While I am here, I want worth the air and space I take up. I tell my girls I want to shine so brightly that after I've been gone 6 months, they will see a sparkle in the sky, smile, and say, "There goes Mama!".

      over 1 year ago
    • JaneA's Avatar

      We feel a bit of survivor's guilt and fear - both at the same time. But I expect that people who have heart disease must feel the same way when someone dies of a heart attack.

      Yet it seems like the burden of fear of recurrence doesn't really ever leave us.

      over 1 year ago
    • valeriet's Avatar

      I'm a 20yr survivor of stage III tonsil cancer. Of course, for 5yrs after treatments I was very afraid of a recurrence, but as time goes on the fear does dissipate. Today, I rarely think about it. 19yrs ago, I founded an OHNC support group under the wing of a great H&N org called SPOHNC.
      This keeps me busy, and the reward is helping anxious people get thru the difficult treatments and beyond. Cancer is still a scourge, but given the size of the world population, a lot fewer patients are dying from this horrible disease.

      over 1 year ago
    • RockTom's Avatar

      I find myself looking at the obituary column in the paper each day. I look down through the list looking for the ages and names of people to see if I know any of them first. I don't know why but I'm obsessed with knowing that those listed who are either my age or younger and that it could have been me since I'm older. I kind of think that I'm looking to see how close they are to my number coming up.

      over 1 year ago
    • Bengal's Avatar

      OMG! RockTom, I thought I was the only person who did that. I look to see how many people have lived into their 90's (my mom is in her 90's and my grandmother lived into her 90's as well) then see if they have beat out those only making it to 50's or 60's and work out the statistical chances. I know it sounds morbid and completely weird. See, on WhatNext we're always finding out we're not alone no matter what. ;)

      over 1 year ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar

      It depends on the circumstances for me. I will say that it freaked me out a bit when the girl I went to Israel with died just a few months later ... and within weeks after I quit treatments for the first time in 6.5 years. For a while, it seemed like someone I knew and loved was dying from lung cancer every day or two ... or, if not dying, were learning their cancer had begun to grow again ... and most of them are or were long-time survivors.

      over 1 year ago
    • carm's Avatar

      I dont know where you are in relation to Toms River in NJ. Were you a resident there, I would be wary as that trial was used on many back room deals. All these years later and we do not know the the extent of damage that has caused from that training experience. Its a shame that the exposure negated all of it and b the lesser. Stay well

      over 1 year ago
    • Rock-on's Avatar

      Hi MarryMaid,

      "Does the news of other cancer patients dying sort of mess with you?"

      That kind of stuff TRIES to mess with me, especially when I wake up in the middle of the night, from cancer-related pain. I say "Tries" because I can feel the anxiety coming on, but I've learned how to push it back so that I stay in control of my thoughts.

      A couple years ago, I began meditation. Meditation's big benefit for me has been learning to control my thoughts, and prevent fears (and things that are not actually happening in the present moment) from taking control of my mind, and driving me crazy.

      Meditation is actually quite simple, but to make it effective, you need to do it regularly (at least once each day, for a minimum of 10 minutes. (There are a bunch of apps that teach you; I use one called "Headspace"

      So when those scaries wake me up in the middle of the night, I go into "meditation mode" to shut the door on the scaries, and relax my mind and body back to sleep.

      I hope this helps, MerryMaid. Best to you in banishing the scaries.

      Let me know if you'd like to discuss more!

      - Jim

      11 months ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar

      I too get survivor guilt. especially when I know the the individuals to be better people than I

      11 months ago

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