• Relationship issues because of a cancer diagnoses

    Asked by Callejal on Thursday, October 2, 2014

    Relationship issues because of a cancer diagnoses

    Come to find out after being diagnosed with cancer and having my husband be my primary care giver he now looks at me differently. 1 year post Stem Cell transplant I find out my husband has been having an emotional affair with a few women via FACEBOOK. I know for a fact he's met one of these women for drinks. When I found out about this approximately 8 months ago I spoke to him about it and asked that he stop. He said he would, and he was sorry. Just to find out he just continued. I've recently asked him to leave our home. He now say's I'll get sick again and he'll need to take care of me, and he also told me he's no longer attracted to me because he now see's me as fragile and needing cared for. Has anyone else had an experience like this with their caregiver/spouse?

    35 Answers from the Community

    35 answers
    • lynniepoo's Avatar

      I agree this site has been wonderful for me. Once I divorced my husband I was a much happier and involved person. He was narcissistic enough to try to control friends and everything about our life. As I keep saying he has cancer now too and is STILL trying to tell me what to do especially with our adult kids and if course his cancer is worse and he takes more pills than I. I ignore him. We do attend family things (he with his new servant wife) but that's more for the sake of my kids. He would never have been supportive of me thru this so I have looked to this site for some of my issues and questions that would scare my kids...
      ANYWAY, relationships are always a trial even without cancer in the mix. Just know on this site we are here to support our group and answer what we can. Experience is the key and yes Lynne we aren't drs but we have been thru it and understand even the crazy questions some might ask. I hope your dr visit went well and all is good. I go next week and then to my cardiologist.... Everyone--best to all and keep trucking!!!!!

      over 6 years ago
    • kerrijan's Avatar

      I must be one of the fortunate ones as my husband really stepped up to the plate. I wasn't sure he was capable of caring for me, as being a nurse I was always the caregiver, but he did. Did he do everything for me, absolutely not, but he gave me support, stayed with me during my transplant, came with me when he could to chemo and basically was my friend along with my main support person. Cancer is not easy to deal with especially the financial burden it puts on your relationship. Work it out, get the support needed, communicate, believe me I am not trying to paint a rosy picture, but frankly you married for partnership taking the good with the bad. A year after my transplant my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 neck/tongue cancer; here we go again. I supported him and still do. He has been cleared after having 3 sessions of chemo and 35 radiations treatment. If your partnership/relationship survives all of these obstacles I feel that this is the true meaning of LOVE.

      over 6 years ago
    • Gumpus61's Avatar

      There is an Old Chinese Proverb "Wisdom starts with giving things their right names". My wife and I have been married thirty four years and it was only the depth and breadth of that relationship and the difficulties we overcame before cancer that are seeing us through now. I watched a great old Movie last night "The best days of our lives".......You could see the friction between the veterans and the civilians over who paid a greater price during the war. It is the same between caregivers and their patients.....Who Indeed has paid the greater price ? We can choose to blame each other for selfishness and pain......or stay focused on giving our struggles their right name......Cancer.

      over 6 years ago

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