• Required: Question Title

    Asked by red2 on Friday, April 26, 2013

    Required: Question Title

    how do i help my sister who has become evil actin she has o be miserable to be so angry its breakin my heart i dont know how how to help

    4 Answers from the Community

    4 answers
    • carm's Avatar

      I assume that you are asking how to help your sister overcome her anger. I am an oncology nurse and I can understand your concern, but sometimes it is a patients right to feel and dwell in anger if that is what gets them through it. However, if her behavior is offensive to you and others to the point where you are feeling assaulted each time you interact with her, then you have to apply a tough love stance. Simply tell her that you understand that she is angry, you get it. However, you won't tolerate abuse when you are trying to help. If she chooses to live in anger all the rest of her days, that's okay by you, just so she understands that this behavior won't affect the outcome of her disease in a positive fashion. Anger causes undue stress. Stress in the body releases enzymes that cancer feeds off of. So the body increases the metabolic activity of the disease. She does herself more harm than good. Keep in mind that this is her journey. But...also remember that you have a journey as well and show some self respect. If you are getting treated in a manner you feel is hurtful, then you owe it to you both to let her know that she has every right to self abuse, but you don't want to be invited to her pity party and you will not tolerate any anger directed toward you. You are a caregiver, you are family, NOT a reflector. Personally, as a nurse I tolerate it because I only see this behavior abundantly in end of life care with patients between 20-50 years of age and mostly males. However; I do point it out. I tell them they can call me whatever name they choose but at the end of our relationship I will still be standing, and if they choose to fill the remainder of their days with bitterness and anger, that's on them. That's the legacy they will create and the last imprint they will leave on everyone's mind. Sometimes when you approach a problem by showing them that you acknowledge the behavior it wakes them up and helps them move beyond it. Sometimes this approach will open up conversation so that you can address the anger and ask what you can do to help her get past it. Validate it but let her know that you cannot change the disease. You have to learn to treat what you change...and that is the person. Best of luck to you, Carm RN.

      over 3 years ago
    • BeckyTice's Avatar

      Sweetie, people react different ways to life's challenges. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be available. Notice I said "available" not "there". Let her know you love her and you're there if she needs you.... but leave her alone until she calls.

      over 3 years ago
    • catherinemarr's Avatar

      Boy,I know what you are saying...the only practical advice to offer is sometimes depression and anxiety manifest as anger,,at least they do in myself.I have found medication sometimes helps.But,I agree that you cant be responsible for her anger,,she alone owns it and as theysay must wear the sign! on the other hand,a caregiver group might have advice for you as to how to handle her anger. feel to e-mail me if you want,,all I can offer is a patients view,but Id be happy to share.

      over 3 years ago
    • Barb_TX's Avatar

      I totally understand what you and your sister are experiencing unfortunately. My husband has stage four colon cancer and I am his caregiver. He has many surgeries over the years. whenever he takes this one drug for pain - Hydrocodone which is a generic, he is very angry and agitated all the time. Finally when he was diagnosed with his cancer in December of last year, I told his oncologist about how angry and agitated he can get when takes certain meds. So not only were we facing his late stage cancer but also his anger bouts again. So his oncologist gave him some additional meds to help him (AND me) through all this. One he takes daily for depression once per day and two different ones for anxiety - one that he takes twice per day and one that he takes when he feels an unusual level of anger or whatever. I can't tell you how much taking these additional Meds has helped our married life! :) I don't believe in taking unnecessary Meds, but sometimes they can make all the difference in life for the patient and also for those around her. And I bet she doesn't want to feel that way too. Best wishes.

      over 3 years ago

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