• Required: Question TitleAbout Spring time and forgiveness

    Asked by CAS1 on Thursday, March 21, 2013

    Required: Question TitleAbout Spring time and forgiveness

    Spring time is for many diffrent faiths a time of forgivness. I would like to propose that regardless of faith we will all take a moment and forgive ourselves or a loved one for getting cancer. As we see new life comming up this spring that we remember to restore ourselves with our own forgiveness and gratitude and to bestow this upon anyone we love with cancer or any health issues as well.

    No one deserves cancer and no one deserves to carry any self doubt or anger. We need to let it go once and for all and we need to replace it with peace in everything we do.

    13 Answers from the Community

    13 answers
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      So true. Thank you for posting this.

      over 7 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      I guess I have a bit of a different take on this. It has never even occurred to me that I or anyone else needs forgiveness for having cancer. That would infer that those with cancers should be blamed for it. If somebody came up to me and said "I forgive you for having cancer", that would most likely be the last thing they ever said to me. I'm sure your intentions were go, but I find that your post just instills more self doubt and anger. What we need to let go is the notion that we are to blame for getting cancer and therefore need to be forgiven for it.

      over 7 years ago
    • AlizaMLS's Avatar

      Hi, I'm Aliza and 'm a BC patient. I'm also a Medical Librarian (retired) and I've served as a Librarian in other capacities as well. I understand what you're getting at re guilt over having Cancer because I was diagnosed several months after I became engaged while in the midst of planning my Wedding. And my fiance is a widower whose first wife died an awful death from ALS, so yes, believe me when I say I understand Guilt!...;)

      However, re Spring being a time of forgiveness for many faiths, that is a Christian concept (no offense intended to anyone on the site!). The time in Judaism for forgiveness is in Autumn and it is the time between Rosh HaShanah (The New Year) and Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement). Passover is a celebration of the Jews exodus (departure) from Egypt and freedom from slavery. I'm sure Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists all have their own calendars and holidays for times re forgiveness.

      However, it is always a good time to learn to forgive yourself, if you have guilt about your illness - any illness. Some people do and some don't. I had guilt years ago when I had a t.i.a. because I was worried about my little girl (then 12). I was also a bit worried with my recent diagnosis for my daughter (now 26 and a Paramedic) and my older brother because we've lost both my parents in the last 3 years, but I'm doing well.

      What nancyjac said is very logical and true, but human beings are not always logical, I've noticed...;) We do feel emotions over things whether we're supposed to feel that way or not.

      Thank you for raising such a good topic as forgiving yourself no matter what time of year or religion anyone is!!...;)

      over 7 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar

      And its also a time to forgive all those who have been rude and insensitive. Especially those with poor social skills and a lack of knowledge of cancer.

      Anger is the primary emotion related to cancer after fear. And it is typically related to guilt. We may or may not understand this in our own emotions. And not everyone will process the cancer dx the same way however Several experts have shared with me that questioning how we got cancer and did we do anything to bring it on is a very very common question they hear from the majority of their paitients and is driven by guilt.

      Did we do something to cause our body to "turn" on us. Did we not take good care of ourselves. Should we have gone to the Doctor sooner..I love them so much ..why did they get cancer..

      To deny this very common responce to cancer and to suggest that its acknowledgement leads to more guilt..Is well .. impossible to comment on because it does not make sence.

      over 7 years ago
    • CherylS@StF's Avatar

      CAS1 I actually like the words stated. I relate to them more as the change of seasons and having a change of heart than a religious point of view. The winters can be cold, depressing the daily activities of life change with the different climate than those of Fall and then comes the Spring where the flowers begin to bloom, the trees bud and for some of us we take a deep breath from the cold and stop and feel the warmth of the sun, the birds singing, all of those things that were tucked away in the winter starting fresh in the Spring. I can see how one may relate to their life and letting go of any hurt, anger or betternsss that they may hold for themselves of for others.

      over 7 years ago
    • AlizaMLS's Avatar

      Dear CAS1,

      You raise another interesting point. Tough to discuss but I will. In the summer I went to my Ob/gyn for HRT for dryness. I wanted the cream. She prescribed the pills (systemic stuff). . Three weeks later I went for a mammogram, that was the beginning of well, not the end, but the beginning of Trouble (kind of like the Cat Stevens song ). Without going through all of the letters from the lab indicating weird results, a short time later, my ob/gyn phoned me to tell me I had Breast Cancer. I, having come from a Medical family (not my family of origin) but my married family-ex-husband a physician, myself, a Medical Librarian, and now my daughter a Paramedic, was very upset but unemotional and went into " search and rescue" (i.e., myself) mode, meaning seeking out a Breast surgeon as instructed by said ob/gyn.

      A short time later, I had an infection (as Lupus patients [I'm one of those too] are wont to do, i.e., they're common with us. The regular anti-fungals weren't working anymore and when I phoned my ob/gyn (I had been seeing her for about 15 years ), she turfed me off to a different doc saying she had more expertise in dealing with patients with difficult to treat infections. My fiance and I suspect that she feels guilty** (because we'd had a very good relationship) over what happened, i.e., my Breast Cancer and didn't want to see me post-mastectomy [after all doctors are people too {I know from having been married to one, even though it wasn't "happily ever after"}]). I would feel odd writing her a note because there are always legal implications to such things for doctors (again, as a doc's wife, I know this).

      So, I have to live with a new doc (whom I don't love the way I did my original. Do I blame my original doctor for what she did? Tough to say! I think she made a bad call! I'm fairly educated about medical things (I often know the answers when someone on the site asks a direct question, but as a Librarian, I'm prevented from answering them because that's considered practicing medicine without a license (something that's frowned upon when we're in Library School [and also illegal]). I wish my original doc had prescribed the hormone cream which I requested. The 3 weeks that I took that systemic medication caused me to gain 35 lbs and I think it caused me to grow the tumor (my Oncologist agrees with this).

      There's no going back, only forward. I don't hate my former ob/gyn. I feel sad for both of us! But I try not to dwell on it and I consider my good fortune in considering that I did not require radiation or chemotherapy (my Oncotype testing ruled it out). I'm 4 months into being cancer free post mastectomy. I'm sitting here as I write with my fiance and cat. Currently I have a dislocated hip from a fall I had at home and am saiting to see an orthopedist tomorrow, but all in all I feel pretty lucky!!

      Yes, CAS, there are those who are stupid and insensitive re Cancer and who can't cope and think you're "contagious" or have cooties and don't know how to behave around us-like we're not normal people anymore. They treat us like we're the "living dead, especially those of us who've had chemo. These people are so brave (the fighters who've had chemo). I must admit I was terrified at the thought because I'm already immunocompromised from my Lupus and I was terrified at the thought of a secondary infection. But all of these folks are warriors and people don't realize how strong you have to be emotionally to get through this!! That's what makes this community a godsend!!

      over 7 years ago
    • KateMarie's Avatar

      This posting hits me where I live, so to speak.

      I am carrying around a lot of anger/self-hatred/self-blame - I could attach many, many adjectives to it. I had a risk factor for my cancer that I allowed to spiral out of control because I wasn’t willing to deal with it – obesity. Oh I flirted with dealing with it from time to time, only to slip back into my old ways at a certain point. But I never fully committed to the changes that would help me live a healthier life day after day, year after year.

      I’ve actually been happy that I haven’t had much of an appetite since my surgery, because I really don’t even like to eat anymore (but I do eat, just a small, healthy type and amount of food.) When I see all the food ads on TV, if something even sounds good, it makes me totally disgusted with myself.

      I know in my head that these feelings do me no good, and in fact all this negativity could actually be harmful to me, but I haven’t found a way yet to forgive myself and let go of all these feelings. Again, in my head I know it’s a “risk” factor, not a “this is for sure what caused your cancer” fact, but in my gut I feel like that is exactly what happened – my reckless, selfish behavior caused me to get cancer – how could I have been so stupid? I have children to finish raising.

      The only thing constructive that I have figured out of this so far is that I have turned to a healthier lifestyle – I am eating healthier and exercising (lightly since I am still recovering) and have lost a lot of weight. I am now fully committed to maintaining this healthier life.

      The peace and self-forgiveness? Maybe this can be a first step. This is the first time I have told anyone about these feelings. I have been too ashamed to voice them.

      over 7 years ago
    • gwendolyn's Avatar

      I have never held myself or my loved ones accountable for getting cancer. I suppose some types of cancer and some lifestyle choices lend themselves to that mentality but I hope it's more uncommon than you suggest.

      over 7 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar

      Like I said Gwendolyn..no one deserves cancer.. I don't care what they have done with lifestyle choices. Would you ask someone with Heart disease if they ate a fatty diet or drank? Thats the biggest cause of Heart disease.

      Are you suggesting something because I have lung cancer? it sure sounds that way and that would be really unfortunate speak.

      To suggest that certian cancers carry more guilt that others just proves my point.

      Do we ask someone with Breast cancer or other cancers if they were around pesticides ? Well why didn't they "Hold their breath" when they were exposed. My goodness didn't they know?

      We all carry a great deal of guilt all on our own but then we have all the subtle and not so subtle remarks from others. Its very very important we talk about our feelings because they bring a great deal of discomfort to so many folks fighting for their lives. Its the most common of all feelings related to cancer and other serious illness.

      "What did we do to bring on this cancer"

      And then if it returns " Were we not positive enough in our attitude" what did we do wrong?

      Look even with all of our Medical advances we still really do not know for sure what causes cancer. We have ideas, we have suggestions and we even have cures for some but we do not know for certain what really brings it into being in our bodies.

      That logic being known we cannot and should not ever in a million years blame ourselves or those around us for cancer. We also can't blame God.

      We all need to have as much forgiveness and empathy for ourselves and for others around us who do not support us as we need them too. Let go of the ""Why" and "if only" and maybe think about the "How do I want my life to be now" How do I want to love myself and others around me.

      And what emotions do I want to let go of? Dear God, help me this spring to let go of those emotions, fears and insecurities that will harm me and not let me live in the way that will be beneficial and in your lite and grace.

      I have a horrific story of the fall down in my medical care prior to my DX. I tried to take the absolute best care of myself because i have a strong family history of cancer and I studied cancer.

      I am just not ready to talk about it. But its awful as so many other stories.

      over 7 years ago
    • Svaha's Avatar

      I never once blamed myself for getting cancer. Did I make some lifestyle choices that may have contributed? Sure. But lots of women made those same lifestyle choices and didn't get cancer. Would I need to "forgive" them for not having to go through what I'm going through in spite of us making the same choices in life? Of course not. I'm glad it worked out differently for them. It's the luck of the draw. Nothing more nothing less. I just happened to draw the short straw.

      over 7 years ago
    • GypsyJule's Avatar

      There are some interesting takes on this statement. For me, I agree with the sentiment. While I don't blame myself, I feel a little like KateMarie. I question some of my lifestyle choices, but would that have prevented me from getting cancer? Who knows. We're all on different parts of this same journey, and forgiveness makes our burden lighter. Happy Spring to all.

      over 7 years ago
    • Kathy's Avatar

      This has been a powerful question with many worthwhile answers. At one point later yesterday I felt a great sense of peace come over me and I feel it was because of this string. For me I felt I needed to forgive myself for being angry at times at this disease and for the times I have wasted time being down and not enjoying my new life. And also to forgive myself for not having a more positive attitude all the time. There have been a lot of other posts concerning emotions and I feel comfortable in acknowledging and accepting all my emotions that go with this. We are all so different with our responses and I think a lot of it has to do with where we are in our journey. So I'm not specifically forgiving myself for the cancer but forgiving myself for the times I have spent with negative feelings.

      over 7 years ago
    • gwendolyn's Avatar

      I'm sorry you misunderstood my answer and found it offensive. I was not suggesting that anyone should feel self-blame. I was wondering out loud why anyone would feel self-blame. I feel badly for anyone with that emotional burden. Having cancer is hard enough without beating yourself up over it.

      over 7 years ago

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