• Since your diagnosis, which emotion would you say you have the most?

    Asked by GregP_WN on Thursday, November 5, 2015

    Since your diagnosis, which emotion would you say you have the most?

    Anger - Just miffed at the whole thing, mad about what you're missing and what it's doing to you
    Fear - Scared to death that this may actually lead to your death, take you too soon
    Worried - Maybe not scared, but worried about what's next, how will you handle it, etc
    Shock - Just can't believe this is happening to YOU
    Guilt - Maybe you think that somehow this is your fault.
    Positive - Maybe not an emotion, but a feeling that no matter what, it will all work out

    30 Answers from the Community

    30 answers
    • SandiA's Avatar
      SandiA

      I would say for the most part positive. However after scans and when I have to take break from treatment due to side effect I would say anxious.

      over 5 years ago
    • slugcoach's Avatar
      slugcoach

      Anger.... but its misdirected. I have nothing "to be angry at". I want to attack and yell at what ever or who ever gave me cancer...I had fear and worry the first 2 weeks after that - all anger. So my only option is to transfer that anger into action - working through my treatment - calling the doctors office to make things happen - calling the insurance and disability offices to make things happen - following directions, eating enough, drinking enough, keeping myself from getting on the self-pity train. This web site really helped, I knew ahead of time what emotions were coming after each step in the process, that kept me sane and progressive minded.

      over 5 years ago
    • Notboring's Avatar
      Notboring

      Just plain mad that I am not able to do a lot of the things I used to do...but I also have courage to survive ..

      over 5 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      Freaked out and Manic....flying some days but mostly down.

      over 5 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      I was never angry. Not happy, but "ready to fight." My brain doesn't want to come up with a word ... "warrior" ... that's not an emotion ... but, that's pretty much what I felt and still feel.

      over 5 years ago
    • TXHills' Avatar
      TXHills

      Is Tired an emotion? Mostly from treatment fatigue, due to tough chemo. Otherwise, I'm having more up days than down ones.

      over 5 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      Hugs, @TXHills!!! I so hate that you're having to go through this again but am really glad that you're having more up days than down!!!!!

      over 5 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      You don't have the felt. It is regret that I hadn't used the life that had better. I have not felt my feeling was more like remorse. I was just really sorry for all the unkind things I had done and all the kind things I had not done. I fight cancer because I want to be a lesson to the Dr.s so they will learn more about cancer.

      over 5 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      Determined -- putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, as best I can.
      Wistful -- that I am constrained by new limitations. Neither "angry" nor "sad" really fits; what I feel is more low-key.
      Frustrated -- when my SEs interfere with what I am doing. Depending on what that is, I then become determined (see above) and/or...
      Resigned -- because it is what it is.
      Peaceful -- because the limitations are liberating in their own way and give me focus.
      Thankful -- for what I do have, including my great medical team and support networks including you all!

      over 5 years ago
    • laredosam1's Avatar
      laredosam1

      Angry and learning to channel it. Hard to target the anger at the cancer. Frustrated, at how fast the cancer was spreading, but determined to fight. and building up a positive attitude with the reality that it is ok to be angry

      over 5 years ago
    • Veronique's Avatar
      Veronique

      Shocked at first but I was in the or within a week then I was scared then frustrated at not being able to eat swallow speak then came worried sometimes anger would come and go .i am more impatient then I should be I have so many other things wrong that I feel a burden to my husband even tho he does not but I hate not being to do the things I used to love to do.for now I still feel like some people have trouble understanding me when I speak its a bit frustrating .overall I think I have been thru all the emotions in the rainbow I think in a way it's healthy now I just try to be positive even tho times are tough and I thank G-d for this website family.

      over 5 years ago
    • Jayne's Avatar
      Jayne

      Greatful - to still be here.

      over 5 years ago
    • blaine's Avatar
      blaine

      In limbo mostly tired. Wanting process to go faster.

      over 5 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      The first two times for me I was simply motivated to get on with it, get it done and out of my way, I had things to do in life. The third time was entirely different, I was Mad at first that I had to deal with it for a third time, had fear because I was told years ago that if I had a third one, it would be "difficult to control". But after meeting with my Oncologist for the first time and seeing how positive he was that this wasn't anything we couldn't beat, I was positive (mostly) from there on.

      over 5 years ago
    • DeniseD's Avatar
      DeniseD

      It depends on the day. I am happy to be here and blessed to have good people in my life. Other days I am very frustrated. Things that use to be simple, and taken for granted are now a challenge. A nap used to be a want, and is now a need, I hate that! Then I feel selfish, I should be thankful for the life I have and I am most days. I am always thankful for everyone on this site for the encouragement, humor and information provided.

      over 5 years ago
    • Maddy61's Avatar
      Maddy61

      All six! At different times of course... but all of them. Now though the most prevalent feeling is that my new normal has to be really new. I can't try and measure what I do by what I did. For example, I may not be painting because I know that what I paint now won't be as good as what I did before the neuropathy, so I'll be discouraged. But that was my old normal. So I'm making jewelry. Still tough because my manual dexterity isn't what it was, but I have nothing to compare it with because I never did it before, unlike the paintings. So I can't fail!! I learned it through trial and error like I learn everything. As long as I have a creative outlet, I'm happy!

      over 5 years ago
    • isnoop's Avatar
      isnoop

      a very strong "will to live" emotion.

      over 5 years ago
    • Carool's Avatar
      Carool

      My dx. was many years ago. From what I remember, I was very frightened and anxious, and very sad, especially concerning my boyfriend and how he'd fare if I died. Not angry (who'd I be angry with?). After my initial fears, I fluctuated between being very pessimistic about my future and being optimistic about my future. Nowadays, I'm still anxious about another drive-by cancer, and I'm sad that so many people are getting cancers.

      over 5 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      @Maddy61, my experience is similar. My main creative expression was in fiction and poetry prior to dx. Doodling got me through chemo when I couldn't access those other parts of my brain, and I continue to play with artwork.

      over 5 years ago
    • deSmile's Avatar
      deSmile

      HOPE!!

      over 5 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar
      CAS1

      I would say the emotion that comes to mind most often since my DX is: WTF,,,yes, that's the one. You know these initials and what they mean..

      Before dx I would say I thought this about 2-3 times a day..Now maybe 10 times a day or so. Just WTF..WTF...or What the flipp if I actually need to verbally articulate it..

      over 5 years ago
    • Maddy61's Avatar
      Maddy61

      Atta girl Cas! Don't hold it back! I think that was one that Greg forgot to put on the list!! I've had just that same reaction at various times too.

      over 5 years ago
    • Tinderheartami's Avatar
      Tinderheartami

      Guilt and worry. I feel guilty because I knew I had a lump next to my sternum for a couple years, but I waited to finish school first before getting it checked out. I graduated and started a new job and then followed through with getting it checked. It turned out to be non-hodgkins lymphoma. I was filled with large bulky tumors from my jaw down to my private area. I had no idea it was that bad, I felt healthy as a horse. Because I did not catch it earlier, it morphed from non-aggressive into aggressive cells. I feel guilty for what I have put my girlfriend through and for putting an extreme amount of pressure on her to support us. I am worried if and when I will be able to return to work and as to who will hire me after all I am going through.

      over 5 years ago
    • mary13bc's Avatar
      mary13bc

      At first very calm and ready to fight. Very quickly turned to anger.

      over 5 years ago
    • Kebohs' Avatar
      Kebohs

      Sad but, wanting to fight and live. It's hard to put behind because the after effects of treatment are always there to remind me of the cancer that has changed me forever.

      over 5 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Kick the wall Rage. Anybody that reads my experience knows that ACS gave me 0%, maybe 10 years if I had the bone and everything cut out on one side of my face. What turned it into rage, was that I spent about 25 + years trying to get many types of doctors to remove a funny looking zit. I think that's enough to upset anybody. It's frustrating and makes a person extremely cynical of the medical community.

      We all have more than cancer affect our lives. I know that in my father's life-he was cancer-he was dying horribly from it, and cancer consumed him in many ways.

      Mean while some things are beyond irritating-like I can pay on my student loan, credit card, etc in about 3 minutes or less than I can pay on a Sears account. That takes about a half of an hour or so. Sears won't send confirmation-not by Internet, chat or phone transaction. I found this out when my son complained about payments seemed to be missing when he paid by snail mail. He isn't using his Sears card anymore. He called asking for 6 months of his account-nothing- I opened an online account-nothing. I tried chat nothing. I got on the phone and got past customer service. They say that they can't even look anything up, but they dropped the late fees. God willing, I'm paying Sears off. I'm just paying the interest on my other bills.

      So, yeah, lots of things tick me off. Cancer is a binary problem for me- especially with 0% chance of survival. I would get rid of a horrible doctor or not. I would find a doctor that respected me and would care for me or not. I found a doctor with an experiment-so it would work or not work-all binary-yes or no. I'm in remission. My oncologists and ENT are sweating a secondary cancer developing in my-nasal-sinus-mouth-throat-brain because of the extra high radiation used in the experiment. I feel-OK. Either I will or I will not get a secondary cancer. Life's a coin toss-no matter how many coins you toss, the next toss is still a 50% chance of heads up, at least for me.

      over 5 years ago
    • bendersmom's Avatar
      bendersmom

      Initially, anger, sadness, frustration and incredulousness. I quickly realized that this would not get me nowhere but a downward spiral. I decided to be grateful for the life I have lived so far, enjoy every day and fight like XXX. I am convinced that having a positive attitude somehow affects the illness. I gathered my family and 'tribe' around me as close as I could and each has been a great help and ally in their own special way. I am also very blessed with a great employer who continues my full salary on short-term disability for up to a year and a very decent health plan. This allows me to stay home and concentrate on fighting the cancer. I am convinced that I would not be feeling as good and as at peace without all of these. There have been setbacks but so far I seem to eventually bounce back each time. I realize that this may not always be the case. Of course, there are tears from time to time but I allow myself to be sad and move on. Oh, and there are also some anti-anxiety drugs and Reiki. And to give cancer the 'finger', I adopted a 70 pound puppy. I am not particularly religious but I live by the old Martin Luther quote: Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. (getting off my soapbox - sorry for the long reply). :)

      over 5 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      What type of puppy is 70 lbs? Then is it really a pup? I'm asking because it's becoming "the Thing" to call an ancient dog a pup or puppy. I have senior coonhounds that are a 100 lbs, their ears are graying. They are reaching the end of their normal life span for their respective breeds.

      My hounds are due the respect of being called, Hound or dog. They were rescues-feral hounds-and one was recovering from being attacked by a large bob cat or a small mountain lion--He didn't need medical care, but the scars on his head and body were fresh. Anytime that we walk under a tree, he keeps checking for the big cat that might be up there. They caught a man trying to rape a little girl. They topped several break ins. One of the would be intruders was a sadistic torturer that raped and beat old and disabled people. He looked for wheel chair ramps. disabled license plates, bumper stickers that said "One of the Chosin Few" or "Siempre Fi" with the colors of South Viet Nam. He hid in bushes, and dogs got used to his scent, so many dogs, including pit bulls let him in. He broke the backs of small dogs and shot large dogs. He never got in, because there was a coon hound. He sliped a card into unlock the door and was turning the handle. The Walker grabbed the door knob and turned the handle the other way, while the Bluetick threw his body against the door, trying to smash the door and kill that man. The police usually don't come, and I wasn't going out to see if he was still around.

      When daylight came, he left his trophy bag and bed roll. I went out about 10 AM and found the stuff. I called the police. I was surprised that police got here in 5 minutes. They lectured me about not calling them. I lectured them that I was surprised they showed up at all. Then they told me how this intruder put people in ICU for over a week, and the people had to go to a guarded nursing home. Their bodies and spirits were broken.

      I say--They aren't pups. They caught a rapist. Give them respect. Even the police respect them.

      over 5 years ago
    • bendersmom's Avatar
      bendersmom

      Meyati - Thanks for your reply. Your hounds are awesome dogs and you certainly trained them right. That person sounds like a monster and I am glad your dogs helped get him off the streets. You are right that many people call their dog puppy although they are well past the puppy stage. Luna is a 16 month old Labradoodle. Not sure if she is technically still a puppy but she is by far the youngest dog I've ever had so I call her my puppy for now. She acts like a puppy and jumps like a gazelle. She is so much fun to watch. Luna is also convinced that she is a 10 pound lap dog.

      over 5 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Luna is a puppy indeed. A teen age puppy, but still developing bones and teeth, and has high spirits. You can consider her an adult when she's almost 3. She should stop growing a little over her 2nd birthday-you know, ribs finsih developing, feet and legs get strong. Their joints get strong-knit-where joint injuries aren't so common. Do brush his teeth. Human tooth paste gives them tummy aches and diarrhea. You said that you had dogs before, but I consider brushing teeth important. It saves lots of agony and money later on.

      Mine were feral-they weren't human aggressive, but they didn't have a clue what was going on. They weren't scared either. Their teeth were ground down from gravel in road kill, and sand and gravel in their prey, so all the vets and dog experts said they were 5 years or older. Also impossible to train. They wouldn't take a treat from anybody. It took a year before the Bluetick would take anything from my hand or put on the floor. 2 years before the Walker would take a treat. All of a sudden it dawned on me that the Walker was much larger. I made a mark on the wall for each dog to see if they were growing. They went from the mid-40s to 100 pounders that aren't fat.

      I have a certain amount of skeptism toward these dog experts on all levels. I took the Walker to dog classes. They were trying to teach dogs not to take food without a safety word. They could not understand that I was trying to get her to take a treat. Why should that be an argument during several training sessions? Then they brought out the snakes to teach the dogs to avoid snakes. She's terrified of snakes and ants. I told them that she learned to sit, heel, ignore other dogs-so give me the certificate. Several other people had dogs that were terrified of snakes, so we got our certificates.

      Stonewall is like Marley-he got kicked out of 2 schools. One was because while the instructor was lecturing that dogs needed to learn to co-exist with other animals, and he had the leash, Stonewall climbed into a turtle pond and was gentley smelling the turtles, and pushing them in the water- not under-just across. Then on cat day, Stonewall climbed in the cat cage and was schmoozing with the kittens, and some were crawling on him and rubbing their faces on his muzzle and batting his long ears. They know that he likes them. Each time, people stopped took pics, listened to him and laughed. I checked, and he was a registered dog psychologist.

      Meanwhile my vet is still trying to get my hounds to take a treat.

      over 5 years ago

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