• So perplexed...

    Asked by Razmataz on Wednesday, May 2, 2018

    So perplexed...

    I just had surgery for the 3rd time in 3 years. I suppose I should be grateful and I am don't get me wrong, but I'm anxiously fighting my fears on a daily basis. I was told that my cancer is incurable and that the surgery would only help my quality of life not quanity. While this quality is important to me...I also want to live out my life. So everyday I fight with hope and realism what I hope will happen is a miracle, what most likely will happen is not. I want to see my son continue to grow and be successful. I'm grateful for the 3 more yrs I've been granted but want 20 more. I find that my decisions and goals are short term and not sure that is healthy or not? I won't go in debt for anything or get a new pet (which my son badly wants). I enjoy everyday but find myself fighting to not get hooked with what if this is my last?

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Sorry for the position you find yourself in, but we wish you the best in the future. We are with you in hoping that a new form of treatment will come along in due time for you.

      over 3 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar

      It isn't easy, Razmataz. But, the fact is, no one knows when they will leave this earth. None of us - no matter if we have cancer or not. It sounds like you're living life as you should - enjoying today, making memories today.

      With all of that said, I totally know where you are coming from with respect to getting new pets or taking on debt or making long-term plans. I still won't make plans for lots of things if they require deposits, etc. I try to live today to the fullest, but I don't make many long-term plans.

      I think you might reconsider the pet-thing for your son, though. I don't know how old he is, but I think having a pet to talk to, cry to, love might be really important for him. I am a huge (HUGE) pet lover and to be denied the love of a pet would be horrible for me. If my mom was really sick with cancer, I think I would need the love and comfort of a pet even more.

      Like Greg said, hopefully, a new treatment will come along for you so that your cancer will at least be managed as a chronic disease. Hugs!

      over 3 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar

      Your cancer is not incurable.

      It is only unable to be much helped by your current medicos.

      Doctors told me I was a nut job when I began to complain about tiring and to grow a small tumor. It took them 13 years to pay me the slightest attention or concern. I still remain 'uncooperative' because, in some part, I did not expire.

      Find another way. I traveled to strange places and put myself in contact with some few researchers. I learned about ancient remedies. I stayed alive using food as medicine.

      3 ribs of celery, a whole cucumber, 2 cups of sprouts, and a small bunch of parsley taken as a morning juice goes a long way to strengthening your immune system by replacing lost minerals.

      I became a serious raw & living foodie and an herbalist of sorts in my quest to stay alive.

      Pot is being used as a medicine. I belong to a Facebook group called "Cannabis Oil Success Stories". They use FECO (full extract cannabis oil) as medicine. If you are in a legal State (or not, this is your life) people are simply juicing the heads of pot plants, along with their regular mix, in juice.

      Find a better, more knowledge able, doctor.

      Best wishes

      over 3 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      I am an oncology nurse and I specialize in gynecological cancers. I can understand your frustration and your concerns. Although this type of malignancy is aggressive, it doesn't have to be a quick death sentence. Depending on your oncologist...some women do very well. In fact I read an article about a woman who was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma of the uteri at age 37. Dhe was treated and has had no recurrence. She is half way through her 60s now. A positive attitude can also help. Patients who continue to chase their goals in spite of their diagnosis tend to survive much longer. Those who make their disease the central focus of their life lose perspective. I understand that this can make you feel like there is no hope. However, beside your M.D., you are your greatest hope. Live your life. The length of a life is not a guarantee for anyone...cancer diagnosis or not. This type of cancer is aggressive so be aggressive too. Learn about your disease. Learn your cancers behavior. Education is power. It will be the greatest tool in your arsenal. I'm here if you need anything. Best of luck to you

      over 3 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar

      I agree with LiveWithCancer about a pet for your son. I also think that you should seek a second opinion, I see you live near Portland There are several excellent Medical systems in that area. Oregon Health and Science University is one of the top research facilities in the country.
      May I pray for you?

      over 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar

      Thanks for your responses. I did seek a second opinion which was what discouraged me. I wish that I wouldn't have. My oncologist is very much about hope... I am too. I've made it 3 years. I am jealous of the person who hasn't had a reoccurance of her cancer in 30 years... I am envious of those who can do the cannibis oil and find relief as I get violently ill from it. I am taking better care of myself in my exercise and food. There are just days when it seems to consume me and thus my post. AND my animal lovers out there...my son will most likely get his dog...just making sure that he is ready to take on the responsibility as I know that I am unable to take one more thing on. Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from and not knocking me back down... Thank you carm for your response as well. I value it...

      over 3 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar

      Hey Raz. Don't let a negative second opinion discourage you. That second opinion only validated that the first Dr. is right or you may want a third opinion.

      over 3 years ago
    • SandiA's Avatar

      Hi! I also had a negative second opinion. Long story but it was something my surgeon set up and I went out of respect for him. The second opinion basically told me if I comes back within a year I am toast.! Of course not in those words but pretty close. It did come back in 4 places two months later. Needless to say I was scared, but my first oncologist was optimistic and I had stayed with him. He found a clinical trial and I did great. I will always be watched closely but right now I have clean scans and feeling hopeful. So I just wanted to say there is always hope. ((Hugs))

      over 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar

      Sandi... thank you.

      over 3 years ago
    • Skyemberr's Avatar

      I think you made an important point about feeling like you can't take one more thing on when talking about your son getting a dog. I feel that way a lot and I was all set to tell you to dive in and get a dog as well! That would have been dumb of me.

      We all do the best we can with the energy that we have. If you feel well enough to let your son get his dog I think that is fantastic! I was given a dog 2 christmases ago and he has not only helped me, he's also helped the whole family. He has been a lot of work though. It would have been very difficult to take care of him without daily help from my family.

      So the point I am driving towards is that you shouldn't beat yourself up if you feel like you just can't handle a dog right now. Sometimes cancer makes choices for us that we don't like. I'd love to drive my kids to San Francisco for the weekend, but I can't. It just is what it is.

      I am also a stage IV, and have two kids, one who is small. Doc told me that I am incurable now. I had to go through a whole cycle of grief that took a large chunk of time over that before I could start enjoying the time I have right now as much as possible. Even so, the cycle repeats every time I have to get a scan or a new treatment. I just put my head down and color until I get through it. We're still here right? I got to tuck my kids in last night. Its the little things that matter. I hope you are able to get a dog, but if you can't, in the big scheme of things the most important thing for your son is your energy spent with him.

      over 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar

      Skyemberr Thanks. Your response made me tear up and smile all at the same time. You reminded me that I'm not alone and to fight the feelings of grief while continuing to enjoy every moment I have. Thanks I will be keeping you in my thoughts...

      over 3 years ago

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