• So perplexed...

    Asked by Razmataz on Wednesday, May 2, 2018

    So perplexed...

    I just had surgery for the 3rd time in 3 years. I suppose I should be grateful and I am don't get me wrong, but I'm anxiously fighting my fears on a daily basis. I was told that my cancer is incurable and that the surgery would only help my quality of life not quanity. While this quality is important to me...I also want to live out my life. So everyday I fight with hope and realism what I hope will happen is a miracle, what most likely will happen is not. I want to see my son continue to grow and be successful. I'm grateful for the 3 more yrs I've been granted but want 20 more. I find that my decisions and goals are short term and not sure that is healthy or not? I won't go in debt for anything or get a new pet (which my son badly wants). I enjoy everyday but find myself fighting to not get hooked with what if this is my last?

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • Razmataz's Avatar

      Sandi... thank you.

      over 3 years ago
    • Skyemberr's Avatar

      I think you made an important point about feeling like you can't take one more thing on when talking about your son getting a dog. I feel that way a lot and I was all set to tell you to dive in and get a dog as well! That would have been dumb of me.

      We all do the best we can with the energy that we have. If you feel well enough to let your son get his dog I think that is fantastic! I was given a dog 2 christmases ago and he has not only helped me, he's also helped the whole family. He has been a lot of work though. It would have been very difficult to take care of him without daily help from my family.

      So the point I am driving towards is that you shouldn't beat yourself up if you feel like you just can't handle a dog right now. Sometimes cancer makes choices for us that we don't like. I'd love to drive my kids to San Francisco for the weekend, but I can't. It just is what it is.

      I am also a stage IV, and have two kids, one who is small. Doc told me that I am incurable now. I had to go through a whole cycle of grief that took a large chunk of time over that before I could start enjoying the time I have right now as much as possible. Even so, the cycle repeats every time I have to get a scan or a new treatment. I just put my head down and color until I get through it. We're still here right? I got to tuck my kids in last night. Its the little things that matter. I hope you are able to get a dog, but if you can't, in the big scheme of things the most important thing for your son is your energy spent with him.

      over 3 years ago
    • Razmataz's Avatar

      Skyemberr Thanks. Your response made me tear up and smile all at the same time. You reminded me that I'm not alone and to fight the feelings of grief while continuing to enjoy every moment I have. Thanks I will be keeping you in my thoughts...

      over 3 years ago

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