• Strength

    Asked by ikedo on Saturday, October 21, 2017


    I'm in shock I can't believe what me and my husband are now facing. He was diagnosed with Parkinson disease also his lung cancer is stage 4. With the death of my son last year I'm trying to find the strength to go forward to be able to care for him. I'm at a loss ,shock, I can't believe it.

    10 Answers from the Community

    10 answers
    • geekling's Avatar

      If not you, then who?

      Deeply sorry for the loss of your son.

      You chose this man to love.

      You still have time to spend with him.

      Make new smiling memories to carry you forward.

      over 2 years ago
    • barryboomer's Avatar

      SO SORRY....Parkinson's is not great but if caught early the meds can slow it down and he may be ok for a long while. I realize you have this double whammy and it really stinks. Cancer and Life is not for sissies and I hope you can start doing better. I have Lymphoma and terrible Neuropathy and other things and my wife isn't doing so great as I'm 72 and she is 76. Some nights I just wish it was over and I can start new in Heaven IF there really is a Heaven....This Place is really Boot Camp For Heaven. I want to believe in a Heaven and a God but some days it's tough as I think why do so many people have to suffer? It doesn't make sense to me at all. A loving God wouldn't make us suffer so much. I know the Christians tell us about the Fall in the Garden of Eden etc. But even if that is true how long do we have to suffer for that. SO....live Today for Today and don't thing about tomorrow...We have Right Her Right Now and I guess that will just have to be good enough.

      over 2 years ago
    • Molly72's Avatar

      So sorry Ikedo, you have been thru so much & now have more to go thru.

      If you tend to lean toward the Eastern beliefs, life is a learning situation, through each challenge
      you become stronger and wiser so eventually you will end the cycle of life, death & re-birth.
      A hard task for sure, but I believe you are up to it.
      Please keep us up to date.

      over 2 years ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar

      I am so sorry, ikedo.
      Sometimes "one day at a time" just doesn't cut it. One nanosecond at a time is more realistic.

      I am reminded of these words from Marge Piercy's poem "For Strong Women":
      A strong woman is strong
      in words, in action, in connection, in feeling;
      she is not strong as a stone but as a wolf
      suckling her young. Strength is not in her, but she
      enacts it as the wind fills a sail.

      You enact that strength, every second of every day, whether you think you can or not.
      What you are going through right now is horrible. There's no getting around that. Sometimes the only thing you can do is keep breathing, and to hold tight to whatever comforts you.

      over 2 years ago
    • SandiA's Avatar

      ikedo, I am so sorry. I am praying for strength for you! ((Hugs))

      over 2 years ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar

      I am so sorry for the death of your son and your husband’s illness. The first reaction for anyone would be a sence of being overwhelmed. and isolated. Caregivers are so important but they have to take care of themselves also.Do you have family members or friends who might be able to help by aiding home care, housekeeping or running errands? I remember Greg mentioning about a caregiver calendar that can be made by family and friends,in some cases by church members, to aid caregivers, giving them much needed assistance. Lotsahelpinghandscom might be a place to start for you . Also carecalendar.org. Is another site to check out. Sending you wheelbarrows of support and wishing you better days.

      over 2 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar

      Ikedo, I am saddened by your post. I cannot imagine the pain of the loss of a child. I can only say that I will support you with prayers.

      over 2 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar

      Ikedo, I am so very, very sorry. We are here for you. Lean on us as much as you need to during these very trying times. Prayers for comfort and strength.

      over 2 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar

      I'm so sorry about the loss of your son, and understand your fears about your future. The bottom line is you need RELIEF yourself, so immediately call your own primary care doctor and ask what YOU should do for YOURSELF. I would expect your doctor would consider an antidepressant medicine for you, plus grief counseling and some kind of social activities for you to look forward to (lunch or afternoon with friends). Your doctor should be able to advise you about intermittent help for your husband, or possibly call your husband's doctor to discuss what would work. A support group for Parkinson's or caretakers could help.

      Under certain conditions (?hospitalization), Medicare will pay for in-home therapy, someone to come to the home to cook meals and other chores, and for caretakers to have respit, which is when assisted living or a nursing home takes him overnight or for a weekend for you to rest. Ask your doctor about those.

      For immediate relief for you, call your family, friends, and church and ask for volunteers to help. Even a neighborhood sitter could help. Buy frozen dinners rather than spending time in the kitchen. The American Cancer Society can also advise on things they offer for a caretaker. Please update us on what you work out. Best wishes.

      over 2 years ago
    • alivenwell's Avatar

      Wow. Sometimes the toughest situations can bring out our strengths. We are here to support you for ideas and BarbarainBam had some great ideas. I wonder if you or your husband qualify for a therapy animal. Note, there is a difference between a service animal and a therapy animal. I think service animals can go into restaurants and other public places. Lab Retrievers are dogs of choice here for training to lead blind people and the dogs that don't quite pass those tests become therapy animals. I flew in an airplane next to a labradoodle and his owner. Can't remember the owner's name, but I still know that dog.

      over 2 years ago

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