• Support

    Asked by Kathy on Monday, October 15, 2012


    I have been so very fortunate with so many friends and family and people praying for me and thinking about me - but I can still feel alone in myself with dealing with this cancer. And it makes me feel bad that all their efforts aren't specifically making me feel better. Does anyone else feel this way?

    5 Answers from the Community

    5 answers
    • Peroll's Avatar

      Kathy, I think there are times when we all feel a little along in our journeys. I know my wife often feels alonf while supporting me. All of this is despite having great support groups. There are just some things in the journey that we have to do ourselves with out others right next to us being able to hold our hands. I think we can establish virtual hand holding using some of the amazing tools we have. I am having surgery next week and I already plan to piot and up date here on whatnext and to all my other friends and supportters from the preop room. I think I have to leave the post op report to my wife as I doubt I will be too awake, I type bad enought as is and do not needc to try it while heavily sedated, I might make sense.

      If you let your self feel thier thoughts and prayers, even from a distance then you can begin to feel thier efforts actually meak you feel better and give you the strength to fight on. Good Luck

      over 8 years ago
    • packerbacker's Avatar

      I think Peroll says it great. There are just some things along our journey that we feel alone about. Using the support from people here really has helped me. Some things I just can't talk to my husband about, so I bring it here. The response has been great and very helpful. I also have someone at the Cancer Center where I go that I can talk to. See if your place of treatment has someone to talk to, and please! Use the support here and keep up the fight! Many hugs your way!

      over 8 years ago
    • Lirasgirl33's Avatar

      I totally understand what you feel. It's not that the efforts my family and friends are making doesn't make me feel better. It does, and without the love, support, care and affection they have provided me with, I know this journey would be a lot harder.

      The other day I met someone about my age with a similar cancer diagnosis and talking to her felt good. This person knew what this journey entails. The physical and emotional rollercoaster that we go through. Even if I never get to talk to her again, the talk we did have was therapeutic for me. The feeling of being "alone" sometimes gets to me but then I remind myself that God is with me, always, and I find comfort in that. Sending hugs your way.

      over 8 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      Kathy, It can be hard for caregivers, and family members or friends to understand what it is you are feeling. Often as a nurse I do see others struggle to find ways to enhance the quality of their loved ones life, and I see their frustration. But this is your journey, not theirs, and so it is your responsibility to adjust your frame of mind (don't mean that in a harsh way). When they suffer from their personal problems, how can you understand what it is they are truly feeling? The same applies for your situation. This is not easy, and it does tax your emotions. The feeling of uncertainty can be daunting. Throughout your journey you have always been in charge of your destiny. You are the driving force while others are just the passengers. As a nurse, my job is to support my patients, not direct them; it is not my journey. Sometimes these feelings of solitude or aloneness are necessary for you to come to terms or embrace the situation. We all need a good cry every now and then, self isolation and alienation, we need to get angry, throw off the covers we hide under, kick some furniture, pound our fists, get mad, but get motivated. You are the only one who can change your outlook. If you keep both feet on the floor, you will never have to wait for another shoe to drop. In life there is always another side to everything, so thru pain comes pleasure, and thru these feelings of aloneness will come a multitude of many. Like you stated, "you are so fortunate" and so you now recognize the bounty that has risen from that feeling of aloneness, and maybe it was necessary to have those feelings of aloneness. Don't feel bad for them, educate them, teach them how it feels to you so that you can fine tune their role in this process. They look to you when they attempt to react. You have to incorporate them into this journey. There is an old African Proverb, "If you want to go fast, go alone. But, if you want to go far, go together." Help them to help you. As caregivers, family, and friends, we don't want to be pitied for our efforts, we want to be useful, so teach them to be useful. Best of luck to you, Carm.

      over 8 years ago
    • JudyS's Avatar

      Yes, I think it is a normal feeling. Unless someone you know is going through or has been through what you have, it is hard to feel that they "truly understand" when they express their support. I don't believe someone can understand unless they are faced with it how we feel, however you shouldn't feel bad that all their efforts aren't making you feel better, be glad that they have not been through this! All you need to do is be grateful for the number of friends, family and people that you have praying for and loving you and let them know how much you appreciate their kind thoughts and prayers. Even if you do not "feel" it, their positive energy is still helping you! Many continued blessings!

      over 8 years ago

    Help the community by answering this question:

    Create an account to post your answer Already have an account? Sign in!

    By using WhatNext, you agree to our User Agreement, and Privacy Policy

    Read and answer more serous type questions.  Also, don't forget to check out our Serous Type page.