• Support for recurrence

    Asked by Kathy on Monday, October 22, 2012

    Support for recurrence

    I thought I already posted this but I don't see it anywhere.
    Anyways - this second time around the support doesn't seem as visible as before. I write on caringbride and I had a very good friend say my entries are to raw and she just can read them this time. I'm so glad I have this community and I know you all understand. I was hurt - wouldn't you be?

    3 Answers from the Community

    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar

      You know, I had a friend who basically "deserted" me the first time I had cancer. This second time, however, she has been wonderful. But 9 years passed when we could have been friends that we weren't; no matter how I tried to mend things, she just wasn't ready.

      I think some people just can't handle the thought that 1) you might die and 2) they are just as vulnerable to cancer as you are.

      The only way I can see to "solve" it is to let some time pass; I know I tried nearly everything, but my friend just couldn't handle it. Happily, she is MUCH BETTER now. But it took her 9 years! :0

      about 4 years ago
    • teddyfuzz's Avatar

      I wouldn't let what your friend said bother you. She's entitled to her opinion and is speaking from the perspective of someone who hasn't had cancer. If she is having a hard time with your entries it is probably because she cares about you and it's painful for her to read what you've been going through. It makes her hurt for you. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you or what you're going through - it's just hard for her to read about the details. Her comments weren't a rejection of you - she was sharing information about her personality and what makes her tick.

      Some people like scary movies and some people like comedies. You wouldn't be offended if your friend didn't like your favorite movie would you? Some people can handle raw reality and some can't. I like to watch reality shows that show what goes on in hospital emergency rooms. My husband hates these shows. He says it hurts too much to see people in pain. It doesn't bother me. Every one here understands what you are going through. Don't be hurt by what your friend said. I'm sure that wasn't her intention. Tak care:)

      about 4 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      Kathy, Im sure it can be hard for anyone to hear a loved one in distress but you have to remember that this is their problem, and not yours. It is good that you express your feelings, even if no one seems to be listening. Im sure your friend is not intentionally trying to hurt you so please don't be hurt by her reaction or lack of one. When someone we love is hurting, we feel so helpless and so it becomes very hard to look at them knowing how useless we feel. Perhaps you should let her know that you don't expect her to solve your problems or make things right. You just want the shoulder of the friend you have known to always be there with no strings attached. Offer your shoulder as well and she will begin to see that even through all this turmoil, your friendship is still paramount. Best of luck to you, Carm.

      almost 4 years ago

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