• Survivor's Guilt - Have you had it? Do you have it now?

    Asked by GregP_WN on Thursday, February 7, 2019

    Survivor's Guilt - Have you had it? Do you have it now?

    People on the outside of the World of Cancer believe that those of us who have completed our treatment will be joyous and happy and just jump back into life with both feet and never look back. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Our Blog Post today has some tips on why you may have it and tips to cope with it and move on as a cancer survivor. Click this link for the article>> http://bit.ly/2Dgw4t1

    14 Answers from the Community

    14 answers
    • HeidiJo's Avatar
      HeidiJo

      I did not ever have survivors guilt. But being a cancer survivor has definitely changed me. I am appreciative that God helped me to discover it early, and that He gave me strength throughout. I appreciate the little things more, I stop and smell the roses more often. It was definitely tough right after I finished treatment to hear people whine about the little things. Overall, I am proud that I made it through

      5 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      I do have this. Especially when we go down to see my mom. Both my dad and brother passed away from cancer and I'm still here. This past Christmas, my mom was really hard on me. Just kept saying mean things to me. Everything I did was criticized and even my son noticed. My cupcakes were too light, my chili needed more spices (after I was told not to make it spicy), my yarn project was ugly, etc. The list goes on and on. I have the feeling that the wrong kid (me) lived from cancer. Usually I don't want to leave but this time, I couldn't wait to get in the car and go home. Considering I'm the only one she has left, it's pretty sad.

      5 months ago
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      I do not see being alive as a matter of guilt or innocence. Not while 102 people in the US lose their lives unexpectedly each day in traffic collisions. It makes no sense to me that one should feel guilty as they arrive home safely from a routine trip to the store. Rather, I see it as reason for a sense of gratitude. Billy Joel famously sang "Only the good die young" and, in truth, this might well be a mercy, as their lives most certainly had sorrow, pain, suffering and tragedy lying ahead.

      How can we feel guilty when we are contributing to a knowledge base, when we are advancing the abilities of medical science to improve, not only the lives of those beside us, but also of those yet to come? There should be no guilt in surviving - unless one is guilty of something horrible.

      5 months ago
    • PaulineJ's Avatar
      PaulineJ

      I have no survivors guilt for God has been with me through all.But I sure would love to go home where I belong.I know it's being selfish ,because He's waiting for He doesn't want anyone lost
      .
      Philippians 1:21-23 King James Version (KJV)
      21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

      22 But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not.

      23 For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better:

      5 months ago
    • myb's Avatar
      myb

      On my 1st day of chemo for colon cancer, one of my high school friends passed from pancreatic cancer. I was a complete mess that as my journey started, his had ended. Then to add insult to injury, the side effects of my chemo didn't allow me to attend his funeral. I learned to accept the things I cannot change during my cancer journey, and that my friend's journey was different from mine.

      5 months ago
    • Dkatsmeow's Avatar
      Dkatsmeow

      I had it! I cared for my sister when she had leukemia through treatment & I was sleeping with her when she died. We couldn't keep her in bed, she kept roaming. Then my cousin who I grew up with & was a sister to me died from breast cancer. so I was waiting for my turn & I wasn't disappointed. I am still kicking though! Miss them both dearly!

      5 months ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      Good article, Greg.

      I have some in general and I really feel it when I talk to people who had or are having a harder time - e.g., higher stage, more aggressive cancer, harder treatments, worse side effects.

      5 months ago
    • PaulineJ's Avatar
      PaulineJ

      Well I may be going through another journey.I was at the doctor all afternoon.He's very concerned the cancer maybe spread to my brain and other parts of my body.

      5 months ago
    • cllinda's Avatar
      cllinda

      I'm sorry to hear this Pauline. Hugs.

      5 months ago
    • macfightsback's Avatar
      macfightsback

      I don't have survivors guilt. I just had a reoccurrence last year. I wish all of us could know that our cancer is gone forever. But Cancer is a chronic disease. I am happy on good days. Happier now than before cancer because I appreciate everything and everyone more. I am more sensitive about others with cancer. I have lost a co-worker and a neighbor from pancreatic cancer and a coworker from breast cancer with Mets to the bone since I have been diagnosed. Currently, I have a friend with 3 different types of cancer, not metastatic, a friend with stage 4 breast cancer and another friend with a suspicious precancerous pancreatic cyst who is preparing for surgury. No guilt, like it or not we are all on the same path, some places are more pleasant than others.

      4 months ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      Pauline, keep us posted about what your tests show.

      Cilinda, try not to take your mom's behavior personally. Remember she has her own journey and she could be having some health problems of her own making her act that way. One of the early signs of dementia is being argumentative and irritable. If she's now alone, she might be lonely and irritable about that, or she may not be feeling well as she gets older. Has she had a physical lately? Even arthritis could be making her feel bad if not treated.

      Again, your mom's behavior probably has nothing to do with you, except she may need more attention from you. Best wishes.

      4 months ago
    • PaulineJ's Avatar
      PaulineJ

      BarbarainBham I still don't know what/when about these tests,because
      Yesterday was one of my worst day.No one is orgasnized or together with their patient care. I was there from 10:15AM -12:30PM !PM >>> 1PM to 4:30PM>different buildings.Morning I was called at 11:30AM>the student read the notes for an hour.Then was told I would have to wait 'til 1PM to make another app.,because I needed to see the surgery doctor for an evaluation or I could go to the surgery dept to get it done today.Getting a shuttle was crazy in getting to go to the other buiding.They didn't have an app.'til 3:15PM they took me in at 3:30PM Never I need 2 more apps. befor surgery and have to wait 'til they call me to give them to me.was informed and never had information on me.I got home at 5:30PM exhausted.I was in bed at 8 PM from exhaustion.This is going on since my dental problem since 2012 from chemo and radiation treatments.

      4 months ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      I have two of the types of survivor guilt. I am terribly saddened because it occured at a time when my children were at critical times in their careers.
      The second guilt was there before I was diagnosed with cancer. I am a downwinder. My I am one of the last to be diagnosed. My mother always sent me the news of my classmates, weddings and births of children. But soon the clippings included obituaries. Jane died of thyroid cancer, Paul died of lung cancer the obituaries kept coming. The guilt increased when I returned home and a co-worker died of cancer. Then "why me?" set in. We were all exposed to the same fall-out but I was alive. Also the question surfaced "Am I next? I got cancer in 2010 so that question was settled

      4 months ago
    • cards7up's Avatar
      cards7up

      No, no survivors guilt but much sadness for those I know who have passed from any type of cancer. And I always talk to the family members of their loved one. I never say why me, I say why not!!!

      4 months ago

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