• t do you do when your health and your life as a cancer patient is being effected by caring for an aging parent?

    Asked by Debio on Monday, November 26, 2012

    t do you do when your health and your life as a cancer patient is being effected by caring for an aging parent?

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • ticklingcancer's Avatar

      I think at this point, it's a good idea to look for help from other family members or from friends. This is a difficult situation and I'm sure this is very tough on you. Hang tight, you should get some more feedback.

      over 5 years ago
    • SpunkyS's Avatar

      I agree, it is time to look for other sources of help. If not family, then contact the local area Agency on aging for resources. If no local agency call a local nursing home and ask to speak to a social worker who can give you ideas of local resources.
      Or, do you qualify for some services that would help you out so you can help aging parent? If you live in the same house, maybe you both benefit.
      Good luck with your search.

      over 5 years ago
    • Crash's Avatar

      Get help! Check with your church, your county, your city, Craigslist, shoot a flare from your front yard, and ask for help. You're really not doing you or your parent much of a favor by trying to do it all. Any brothers or sisters?

      over 5 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar

      Get counseling either from your church or from social service agencies at the center where you recieve your treatments. I was caretaker for my mother and handicapped brother when I was diagnosed. Although I have a large extended family, I suffered guilt (still do) that I was not doing enough to care for my mother and brother. I benefited greatly from the social services at my treatment center. My church also has a ministry group made up of medical professionals (mostly nurses) who visit the sick and give counsel)

      over 5 years ago
    • lynniepoo's Avatar

      I am in the same situation. My 92 year old mother lives with me and for the past year she has not dealt very well with my illness. She does not understand how serious my not being around fungus, mold etc is to my health and either doesnt care or thinks I am being over protective. I had a stem cell transplant June 1st and it has been a battle since then to get her to keep her things clean and free of mold in the refrigerator. I am much better now of course, but becuz of her age she is (I suppose normally)very self concerned and thinks I have made a full recovery and can take care of her. I am on maintenance chemo and morphine for pain (5 compression fractures in my back) and am at the end of my rope in trying to deal with her. My brother lives In MA, I live in NC so that is not an option. We live in a rural area but will try to contact the local aging office. She is VERY independent (last night she spent 15 minutes trying to take her temperature before she asked for help, I watched and waited until she asked just to see how long it would take her) and I know I will get resistance from her on any help I try to find. I have told her I cant take care of myself and her but she just doesnt "get" it.

      over 5 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar

      I went through this when I was treated for cancer. I was sole care and support of my frail and elderly and bedridden mother who was also losing her wits. We did not yet know that the house had toxic mold behind the walls which killed her and would eventually destroy me.

      I have no siblings. County agencies were of limited help. I had money then and even the private aides (some did and some did not) took advantage of our obvious weakness.

      All I can tell you is to seek help where ever possible. There are county agencies and Florida has a Department of Elderly Affairs which has some helpful programs. There is Catholic Charities. Your doctor can help if he/she knows his/her way around the insurance system. Check with a local hospital which may have caretaker training programs. The training gives you respite (they send someone who really knows what they are doing to the house while you are learning) from the day to day grind and teaches you tricks to help make life a little better and clues you in to local and regional resources you may not have known about.

      I feel awful about how difficult it was for both me and Mom. She died just as my cancer treats were ending. I never told her my plight. She and I were both in a great deal of pain at the end. Had I been stronger, perhaps I could have helped her passing to be easier.

      It isn't healthy to second guess these things. I did what I could and that was all I could do.

      Best of luck to you.

      over 5 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar

      I live with a somewhat elderly parent (mid-seventies). Perfectly sane, physically capable, intelligent woman who had a very successful career as an educator and still teaches piano privately who cannot get out of my way. Took the news of my diagnosis as a way to start (cheerfully) planning a renovation of our home even though I am in no way impeded (has shown little concern about my health). I moved back to take over the family business when my father died as she is unable to manage the physical side of that and my work will allow for the move to the sticks. Its been a nightmare trying to get her to back off and not make this about her. My sister refuses to step in (wisely lives several states away). I fear a day when I might need to be cared for. As for her....the minute she needs care that I am unable to provide, she goes into a facility. Debio, do not be afraid of being a little selfish at this point. You will be no good to your parent let alone yourself if you let your own health deteriorate. You don't go into any details of what care you need to provide for your 'rent. Sit down and make a list of what needs to be done for them and then start calling and asking for assistance. Its in both your interests. Others have mentioned guilt which is natural (and I am not criticizing), but guilt can get in the way of making the most beneficial decision for both of you.

      over 5 years ago
    • reddingfemale's Avatar

      WOW ! I can certainly associate with that question in a round about way , My sister Nana past away last march and she had been going through cancer while taking care of my aging mom then 93 , whom eventually came to Uterine cancer in July 2010. My sister did everything she could while in treatment but, she was strong and happy I saw a strength in her like I never saw , she was strong willed but, nothing like that last year or two she cared for my mom. I can say just from what I saw in my sister , I do not wish this for you but, my sister prayed for a healthy life till my mom was gone but, the only way I see release for you is be strong in the things you do for your parents. I lived 500 miles from my sister while she cared for my aging mom but, that is what I can see when she was caring for my mom while i visited her yearly. please let me know how things are going with you and your aging parents my thoughts and prayers are with you all this holiday season. Debbie

      over 5 years ago

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