I think you need to begin by focusing your mind on additional things. We all talk most about whatever is on our minds and if you have let your cancer take over your mind, then that is really all that you have to talk about. Spend a little alone time and make a list of what else you would like to have on your mind: A hobby, a TV show, redecorating a room, and upcoming event? And then get involved both mentally and physically with those things. You will find then that those are the things you relate to and talk about automatically.
Talking about my condition.
Asked by ter303 on Thursday, March 7, 2013
Talking about my condition.
I get the feeling people are tired of me talking about my condition. Heck I'm tired of the whole situation. How can I stop myself from talking about it? It seems during any conversation I can always relate it to something I'm going through or had gone through.
7 Answers from the Community
That is right.. We tend to talk about what is consuming our days..Make other things consume your day..not the cancer.
Can you volunteer somewhere? Can you take a class / Even look to your library for free classes. In most states you are allowed to go to any library so check several in your area. Can you help out at an animal shelter or hospital as a volunteer?
Go to the site " Awaken the dragon within" this is a fabulous self made inspiriational story of cancer survivors and how they formed a team of Dragon boat racers..Try tpo get your cancer center to show it...its wonderful and it reminds us to get something else going on other than cancer in our lives. I am not there yet but I am trying.
Ultimately people want to help but they are frightened by hearing about Cancer (or any illness). It's as if they'll catch it just by hearing you talk about it. This website or support groups from ACS, CancerCare or your treating hospital are better choices for discussing it than friends. Or read Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr and Sherryl Crow and start your own cancer group.
The first thing I'd recommend you do since you obviously have the need to talk about it is call CancerCare. They'll help you find an Oncological Social Worker to chat with (either by phone or in person). This type of counseling isn't like "regular therapy". No one's interested in your "toilet training" or going to "blame your mother"...;) But it will give you a chance to open up to someone with a vast reservoir of experience dealing with Cancer patients of every stripe in every Stage.
Now, as far as diversions, I agree with both nancyjac and CAS1. I'm a Librarian (retired) and also a Medical Librarian. One other thing I recommend people do is if they like to read is to join a bookgroup. If there's none near you, there's a virtual bookgroup called www.goodreads.com. You can track your books, write reviews, join small genre bookgroups, make virtual friends, find titles and read others' reviews. It's better to get out and be social if you can, but this is somewhere to start if you're on the tired side. Books are also a grat tpic of conversation. I'd also recommend listening to NPR - they have some great programs as well!!
If you need more ideas for recreational pursuits, feel free to message me-I have many (I've helped lots of people over the years do research papers as a Public Librarian too).
All great advice. Have you thought of seeing a shrink? They are paid to listen to our worries etc., and perhaps this would help get it out of your system or they can help you direct your focus to other things. If nothing else, start reading (not cancer books). Having other interests outside the cancer will make the cancer easier to deal with too so this is not just about keeping your friends comfortable, its about helping yourself.
Or, every time you say something relating to the cancer in conversation, apologize and say you are trying not to do that anymore. It will help to put your friends at ease and let them know you are aware (and then let them change the conversation). Its going to be work at first, but you can do it.
I know that one of the ways I'm dealing with my condition is talking about it. I try to find new people and limit how much I talk to any individual. Why not try to keep a journal or blog - this way you can get the feelings and emotions out of your system with out "over burdening" anyone. If you feel that you are obsessing, ask your oncologist or a hospital social work for a referral to a therapist that specializes in treating cancer patients. I was fortunate to qualify for 12 weeks of free therapy at the hospital where I am being treated. I am not getting booster sessions as needed.