• The surgery on my brain tumor was postponed and I feel a bit like my husband thinks it's not a concern any longer.

    Asked by dmhboyds on Friday, December 27, 2013

    The surgery on my brain tumor was postponed and I feel a bit like my husband thinks it's not a concern any longer.

    He seems to want me to forget about the tumor till it's time for surgery like its not there anymore. He's even indicated that, since the doctors postponed it for sugar levels, maybe it's not as critical as I think. How do you explain to someone else that even if you can't see it, I know it's there and I have anxiety over it.

    6 Answers from the Community

    6 answers
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I can understand him saying that to you, my take on this is that he is trying to calm you down a little by explaining exactly that. It may or may not be the case, but in either case anxiety over it isn't going to get the tumor out any quicker. I do the same thing to myself, and in this case I would be telling myself what he is thinking just because I prefer to look on the brighter side of things. I wish you the best in the surgery when it does get here.

      almost 7 years ago
    • banditwalker's Avatar
      banditwalker

      Does your husband attend the doctor visits with you? And if no, he should. Hearing it out of the professional's mouth may hit home better. I know I always have a hard time relating what the dr. said to me after I get home, so I take notes and have my hubby come with me when I think a new step is coming up. Like when I started a new chemo regimen. I have the Dr. look at my hubby and explain it all to him.
      I hope he comes around soon and is a little more sympathetic.

      almost 7 years ago
    • shhwee's Avatar
      shhwee

      I am a Brain Cancer survivor and reading this infuriated me.
      My brand of tumor is one that forms from fetal cells, and does not cause any obvious side effects until it is in its mature stage of growth. For sixteen years I KNEW something was wrong with me and my family ignored the signs.

      When the tumor was finally discovered I was unable to walk, got sick by simply looking up, was completely deaf in my right ear, and half of my face was completely paralyzed. The tumor was a stage 4.

      I urge your husband to heed this warning... don't take brain cancer, ANY cancer for granted or put it on the backburners. Your body chemistry needs to be nearly perfect for the doctors to do such an invasive surgery. Cancer has a way of sneaking up on you if you ignore it. Do some research with him about brain tumors, MD Anderson.com has some amazing and extremely accurate information.

      I will be praying for you, your health, and your husband.

      almost 7 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      Men sometimes, I had a similar situation with my x boyfriend...he though everything was alright because he didn't see me walking around in a body cast. ugh, and didn't I say x? And I shouldn't be so down on men but they seem to have a stronger force of denial than women do. In other words your husband is in denial! Wake him up if you can...tell him just because he can't see what is going on inside your body it doesn't mean that everything is normal because everything is certainly not normal with cancer. You are living with a tumor still in your body and it isn't even smart to simply throw the denial switch and pretend that it isn't there. Of course you have anxiety! This is the time to reach out to other family members and good friends. Good luck and best wishes!

      almost 7 years ago
    • StamPurr's Avatar
      StamPurr

      I think a lot of people who are related to someone with cancer, react in this way. My own opinion is that this reaction is their safety mechanism. A way to distance themselves from the emotional discomfort they experience knowing someone they love is ill and there is no easy "fix". If I wasn't sick, and I mean in-bed-sick-door closed-can't-get-up sick, I get zero sympathy, concern, compassion, assistance from those that live with me. I know it is partly my fault since I try not to stress them and I tend to be a 'I can do it myself' kind of person anyway. Trying not be be such a mom-the-martyr, suffer in silence person, but old habits are hard to change. Sending hugs your way.

      almost 7 years ago
    • Fusionera's Avatar
      Fusionera

      It sounds as though this is his coping mechanism. Unfortunately it comes across as extremely insensitive and he is minimizing the gravity of the situation. I agree that your husband should accompany you to doctor's visits. The only thing you CAN do is to be optimistic about your surgery and be glad that your surgeon postponed things until your body is in more optimal condition to tolerate the surgery. I am on my 6th battle with my brain tumor and I have experienced bumps along the way, too.

      almost 7 years ago

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