• Visiting Nurse / Dirty House

    Asked by Rubies on Saturday, January 11, 2014

    Visiting Nurse / Dirty House

    Any visiting nurses out there? After I infuse at the hospital, I go home with additional chemo and a pump. a visiting nurse comes to my house 2 days later to disconnect the pump and flush my port. Every Saturday morning before the nurse arrives I nearly make myself sick from struggling to clean the house. My husband is house cleaning impaired and I must clean up his mess. Now with the incredible snow, I have been out shoveling the driveway and the walkway. I don't have it in me to keep this up. Do the folks in the visiting nurse community remark on messy houses? I am so embarrassed every time I have a visit. I can't change my husband, all I can do is clean-up after him. I let him know how embarrassed I am. He will begrudgingly take out the trash and keep the door to his game lounge shut. But I feel so humiliated to have a stranger come to my pigsty of a house. Does anyone else face this issue? In anticipation of your question - no I don't have any children who could help.

    15 Answers from the Community

    15 answers
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      http://www.cleaningforareason.org/ here is a site that can help you. They are a national organization that will come out and clean your house. I hope this helps, Carm RN.

      about 7 years ago
    • Rubies' Avatar
      Rubies

      Thank you Carm. I registered at the site just a few minutes ago.

      about 7 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      I just mentioned this somewhere else on WhatNext.....there is a group called "Cleaning for a Reason" and you can google them to apply. I hate to get your hopes up because they might not have service available in your area and then if they do offer service in your area there could be a long waiting list, but it worth looking into. They offer 4 free cleaning services to people undergoing cancer treatments. Besides that I would ask a social worker at your hospital for help with this, because there is a chance that a social worker might know of a local group independent of "Cleaning for a Reason". Listen I know how you feel, I often turned down visitors because I was too tired to clean, even at my sickest moments I still felt self conscious if my home was messy.
      Take care and good luck!

      about 7 years ago
    • zubsha's Avatar
      zubsha

      While I applaud your energy and determination that your cancer won't limit you, I have to tell you to stop worrying. As a physician who gets VNA reports all the time I can tell you they are more likely to worry about you doing too much rather than condemn you for having a messy house. You should mention your struggles to them because you might qualify for a home health aid during your treatments. Keep up the great spirit but focus your energy on getting well The mess will gladly wait for you!

      about 7 years ago
    • myb's Avatar
      myb

      Check out Cleaning For A Reason web site or facebook page as they offer free house cleaning for woman while going through cancer treatments.

      about 7 years ago
    • pfordeb's Avatar
      pfordeb

      The nurses do not care. My house is a wreck with three dogs. You might be able to get house care through an agency. Try the American Cancer Society. Really stop.cleaning. I understand, but the nurses are only there to see you.

      about 7 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      If you have a church congregation, you might see if they have a ministry to the sick. I was shocked to see that you were out shoveling the driveway that is beyond house cleaning impaired that is shear laziness and disrespect.

      about 7 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar
      Ydnar2xer

      I have had help from cleaningforareason and they were WONDERFUL.

      about 7 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      I am still livid about the way your husband is treating you. You should probably have the nurses give him a scathing lecture. You might tell him that if he is so "house cleaning impaired" you are going to hire help to keep the house up and he can get out of his "game room" and get a second job to pay for it.

      about 7 years ago
    • Rubies' Avatar
      Rubies

      Thank you for your outrage BoiseB. There is nothing much I can do about my husband. I have tried just letting things go, but he really doesn't care. His game lounge would probably be condemned by a building inspector or the health dept. He has tried to help by doing the grocery shopping and cooking for me. I try not to notice as he chips my fine china and breaks my crystal glasses. This man is all thumbs in the kitchen and absolutely blind to dust bunnies. I may just hire a housekeeper but I would probably try to clean the house before he or she arrived. I know this is not related to my cancer care, but I really think my husband must have some sort of mental illness. Sometimes he doesn't even flush the toilet and I have known him to go for weeks without bathing. (No, I didn't observe any of this before we were married.)

      about 7 years ago
    • pfordeb's Avatar
      pfordeb

      Anything you want to rant about is fine because it.really all relates to your cancer and ability to do things. He probably doesn't know how to deal with your illness and maybe anything else. Besides cleaning for a reason, do you have any counseling help available? For you any maybe your husband if he would go. I still say rest,rest,rest. My husband was good at helping but he was also sick most of our marriage. However he died right after I had surgery and before I started chemo. I wish he was around to help. Not sure how old you are, but once you are past 60, you don't care what people think.

      about 7 years ago
    • SandiD's Avatar
      SandiD

      Getting through chemo is tough! Usually after several days pass you can pick up a few things, maybe do a bit of laundry or some dishes, but much more than that is exhausting! Whatever you do, you need to pace yourself and take breaks to rest. I agree with the others, talk to a nurse or your cancer center's social worker about this issue. One thing that concerns me is germs. During chemo we are more susceptible to illness when our blood count is low. I assume your husband must have other redeeming qualities for you to stay with him because it sounds like he is causing you a lot of grief and housework during a time that YOU need support and care! Sorry, I am just so angry on your behalf. Do what you can to get yourself the help you need. Best of luck to you. Remember your health is more important than housework or shoveling snow right now.

      about 7 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      I agree with everything Sandi is saying particularly about germs. Your husband's "personal hygene" can affect your health particularly during chemo. Please talk to your doctor or nurses about this.

      about 7 years ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      I really can't imagine why you stay with such a man but that is really none of my business. Love is what it is. Does he not know or remember that your presence in his life is a gift?

      Messes are bad for your health. Your immune system is compromised and doesn't need another workload of dust bunnies, dirty air, and you shoveling the driveway expending energy which could be used in healing yourself. I think you are lucky to be so strong but I do not believe that you ought to be using your energy in such a manner.

      Hire the maid. Ask her if she would clean in his "man cave". If he doesn't want to lose his garbage, he can get his stuff put away. You do NOT "must" clean up his mess. At best, you are only required to throw his messes into his game room in order to have peace instead of chaos. Any help provided gratis will clean up your messes but not his. That aide may do your laundry (not his), may cook your meals (not his), and may clean up your spaces and common rooms but not his private gaming filth.

      Put your good china away along with the glassware. It won't break your heart to use paper cups and plates for the current duration and, as a bonus, there won't be dishes in the sink left to mold.

      I feel sorry for you in more ways than one. A house with clean air may also clean up your hubby's attitude. Best wishes.

      about 7 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      Rubies,
      Everyone has great advice for you. My only addition is if your husband's hygiene has gotten worse as he got older, that everything I've seen about this says to have him go to the doctor for a physical and tell his doctor about these issues, because he probably has a medical problem, too. Dementia often shows up that way---it's not just about short-term memory, but also about an inability to be logical, to reason, and to organize as before. (My elderly mother currently keeps Tupperware containers with snacks in her oven, and my daddy had some melted stuff one time when he preheated to cook corndogs!)

      Sorry you are having to deal with this when you are in treatment, but don't be shy about asking for help. Good luck to you.

      almost 7 years ago

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