• Were you strangely calm when the end is getting near?

    Asked by Marisa on Monday, May 7, 2012

    Were you strangely calm when the end is getting near?

    I know we're getting to the end of Art's life. Hospice nurse says he only has 2 to 3 weeks left before his body organs will begin to shut down. Art has finally admitted that this cancer might beat him. I am strangely at peace with this process. The sicker and weaker Art becomes, the more his life is getting close to death. Life and death are going to be a seamless process. Death is no longer feared by either one of us. We know it is almost upon us. He will not be in much pain - just weak. He will not be alone and neither will I. This death is hard and prolonged, but it is Art's very unique death as was his life. He was totally in charge of every aspect of his life. I know he will be controlling as much of his own death as possible. It will be him saying ok when it's time to go, and death won't come until he allows it to take him. I ask you all for your strength and understanding. I don't want to be all alone after he is gone. Can you all be with me (maybe in spirit)?

    13 Answers from the Community

    13 answers
    • PPaseka's Avatar

      We will be praying for you and Art. May you find peace in this somehow.

      over 8 years ago
    • Richard's Avatar

      I am praying for you both.

      over 8 years ago
    • Indyeastside's Avatar


      You are not alone. That's the blessed this about this rotten disease--you pick up another family--I admire your and Arts courage with this whole life thing. Do not think I will be that brave when faced with the same option.

      But do remember you got folks to talk to and good luck and God's loving embrace as you deal with Art's illness.

      over 8 years ago
    • jw243's Avatar


      You and Art are special and wonderful souls. I'm praying to give you both strength and peace. Please reach out whenever you need to.

      I hope you know that this community is here for you.

      over 8 years ago
    • Marisa's Avatar

      Thank you all for your very kind responses. We are hanging in there. Art has had a good 24 hours of total mental clarity. The hospice nurse told me this is very normal towards the end. Art finally asked me that very difficult question of what is happening to him, and I asked him if he wanted the truth or a softer answer. He wanted the total truth, so I told him his prognosis. He was brave enough to ask, and I prayed for the strength to answer. He is not going to give up on life, but his mind is finally allowing him to look at reality straight on. I cherish the time we have left. Hope you all are doing well.

      over 8 years ago
    • bmaler's Avatar

      Art will get to return to his maker Jesus Christ - and he will experience a peace that passeth all understanding. Call on Jesus Christ = he will give you his peace as well. Love and prayers to all.

      over 8 years ago
    • Marisa's Avatar

      Thank you so much bmaler. It helps so much to know that he will indeed be in peace and no longer in pain some day soon. Prayers to you as well. Marisa

      over 8 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      Marisa, I went through this with my mother, and father, 10 months apart. It's a terribly hard thing for you to do, sit there and take care of him and feel like there is nothing you can do. But, just know that it is a very good thing you are doing, and one day you will be glad to know that you were there to comfort, and take care of any need that he has. For me it was a good feeling, and yes, peaceful, knowing that mom and dad were soon going to be done with the pain and suffering. And for what I seen, there was no pain, and it was a peaceful process. Both simply went to sleep slowly and that was it.
      I know it's hard, but it is a wonderful thing to know you were there and done what you could do.

      over 8 years ago
    • Marisa's Avatar

      Thank you so much, Drummerboy. Art is still hanging in there. Still in a bit of pain even with morphine and fentanyl patches. As you say, it is a peaceful process, just so difficult to watch sometimes. I thank God for every moment we have left. Also very grateful to hospice for all their help.

      over 8 years ago
    • shauna0915's Avatar

      Marisa, I just went through this last year with my dad. Art sounds very much like my dad, too. The hospice nurse should be able to provide you with a paper called "the stages of death" or "nearing the end" or something like that...it tells you what to expect. If not, let me know and we can exchange email addresses so I can send it to you. My dad, for what was probably the first time in his life, followed the list step by step as things progressed. It was comforting to know what was happening...and there were still times we called the hospice nurse in the middle of the night to make sure we were doing what we were supposed to. If Art is still in pain with the morphine, it may be time to increase the dosage. Ask your nurse. Be prepared that the higher the dosage of morphine, the quicker he will pass. My dad held on until I took the nasal oxygen tube off. That was like our hold on him. Subconsciously, he knew that as long as that was on, we were hanging on. Once I took it off, it was a matter of minutes. You will know what to do when the time comes. It comes as natural as breathing because we don't want them to suffer anymore.

      I've found great comfort in the people here. They've helped me deal with a lot of things in the months since dad passed. We'll be here whenever you need us. Much love to you and Art. xoxo

      over 8 years ago
    • Button's Avatar

      Marissa, no matter how prepared you are, no matter if you know the exact hour Art's pain will end... it will still be hard and we are here for you. I was at a meeting in florida when my dad called to tell me my mom was off the feeding tube and it would only be a day or two at best, I wanted to go home but my dad told me to stay. He said she was sleeping mostly, but it was so hard for me to not run home. He said that he told her 'its okay to let go'.... I didnt say anything, I wanted to scream NO because I wasnt ready for my mom to go. She passed with her sisters, mom, dad and one of my brothers around her... it was peaceful. And I was left with a sweet memory of my last visit with her where my boys snuggled just a little longer with her only a few weeks earlier.
      please reach out when you need us...much love and prayers!

      over 8 years ago
    • Blue's Avatar

      May an unending sense of peace envelop both of you at this sublime time. There is beauty in death as part of the cycle of life.
      At least that is how I felt when my mother exited peacefully, as if going to sleep, in my arms. Her transition was so gentle I didn't know she had passed until I checked close to see if she was breathing.

      over 8 years ago
    • Bashiemn's Avatar

      Oh dear Marisa, I'm so sorry that I have not been around here much to see that you posted this question almost 2 whole weeks ago. I am glad that you are hanging in there with Art and sitting by his side through this, especially when he had his moment of total clarity.

      I remember when that happened with my mom too - it just happened to be the day that her grand kids came to the hospital to see her for the last time. She had actually been pretty out of it/drugged up for about a week (her hospice care was only 1 1/2 weeks)... that day it was almost like she mustered every ounce of strength she had, ever bit of mental focus, everything she had left in her to "be there" for those kids. Just thinking about it sends shivers through my body and brings tears to my eyes. I love remembering things about my mom - because after 12 years now so many things have drifted away. Anyway, after the kids left that day I think the life was sucked out of her, because she didn't make it much longer. It was a special day.

      My sister and I were by her side every day, all day long. Once we got over the shock, and saw that she wasn't responding to things much, that her life force had been drained from her, and she was suffering, we wanted nothing more than for that suffer, both physical and emotional, to end. We knew that she wouldn't want it to drag on. She just wanted to leave in peace. So we learned to be at peace.

      You are not alone. You will never be alone through all of this.
      Art will always be with you. And we will be here for you too.

      So much love is coming your way from me. I hope you can feel it.


      over 8 years ago

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