• What do you do when your family has different views of treatment than you?

    Asked by HardyGirl on Friday, May 3, 2013

    What do you do when your family has different views of treatment than you?

    I feel like I'm talking to a wall when trying to explain some things to them, It's my life, I should be able to do what I want.

    9 Answers from the Community

    9 answers
    • Clyde's Avatar

      Then don't talk to your family about your treatment. You are absolutely right that its your life, your decisions. Just make sure you are making them after considering all the options, pros and cons of each and have been as objective as possible basing your decision on facts and not on promises or hopes.

      over 3 years ago
    • Tracy's Avatar

      Many family and friends think that by giving their opinions is a way of helping, since they don't have any clue what to really do to help, it is frustrating. My favorite line was one a friend started saying. "I am so glad you are concerned about my treatment but it is the best for me" she would repeat as needed (frequently). Sometimes they just need a concrete thing to do to help - come clean my car, bring me some soup, knit me a blanket, loan me some books etc take care, Tracy

      over 3 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar

      It sounds like another case of people not "getting it" until the go through cancer themselves. Clyde gave you some good advice. If your family brings it up, change the subject or tell them you should "agree to disagree". But don't quit sooner than necessary--life is juicy and my feeling is you should go for the gusto whenever possible. I fully intend to go out with a BANG--but only after exhausting every possible solution. Good luck, I'm thinking about you.

      over 3 years ago
    • 4ellieluv2's Avatar

      I know exactly about the "wall" problem ....most people around me dont know what to say or do...for me just help me out like shopping, cleaning, just keep me company for awhile just be present with conversation or silently......

      over 3 years ago
    • Marianne's Avatar

      You do as my Mom always tells me... smile sweetly and do as you darn well please.:)

      over 3 years ago
    • WendyLew's Avatar

      If YOU are at peace with your decisions... they should be able to accept them. Have confidence and know - maybe let them know also - that a big part of survival is mental attitude! If they are being negative - you may be able to tune them out or avoid? Sometime I use the "Thank you so much for caring about me so! I appreciate it, but, I do have a different outlook on this" Keep in mind it is because they CARE that they imput their opinions? God Bless...! (any questions feel free to ask?!)

      over 3 years ago
    • 2bbcontinued's Avatar

      I am to the point where I don't want to discuss it. If I do then I get the "well so & so said this and you should do this ". I feel that I don't want to talk about it with family. Told my sister something ' specifically told her Do Not tell mom&dad. There is no reason for them to worry at this point or to come out. So later that evening my mother calls & starts asking me questions. I tell her straight up my sister wasn't supposed to say anything. So my mother comes back with I carried you for 9 months. I have a right to know. I now know not to tell anybody ANYTHING. I didn't tell my mother this I believe but she has a right to know what I want her to know. When I want her to know something I will tell her. From this point on if something happens I will find a way to deal with it myself. I'm tired of being smothered & crowded by everybody else's theories. & invading my personal space. And oh yeah, my parents came out for a simple procedure because of what my sister told them. I'm tired of it. Give me some freakin space.

      over 3 years ago
    • Judit's Avatar

      You have to do what you feel good about. This is your fight & you have considered the options presented to you. With all due respect to your family, unless they are experts, listen & move along!

      over 3 years ago
    • 2bbcontinued's Avatar

      Talking to doctor about family intrusion and how it was driving me nuts. Suggested perhaps I send out weekly group email. This would let people know what I want them to know. Also would let them know when I want to talk about "it" I will let them know. My mother I guess wants to come here from out of state to go to appointment with me. This is an initial appointment with the gyno/onocologist. She has not asked me about it. I was told by another famy member. That is not going to happen. It is not what I want. The family member said well for offer. its for her. She feels like she needs to do it. HELLO!!!!!! Who is the one with cancer here? News flash : it is not all about them. The last thing I want is for her to go to that appointment with me. Another lesson learned: Don't let ANYBODY know about appointments unless you want them to show up uninvited. I am on the cancellation list. I so hope I get called early. This may sound cold & heartless but the stress this causing me is almost more stress than I can stand. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe and my heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest. Sorry I may seem like an XXX but am almost at my wits end. I'm debating whether or not to hit the post button but here goes.

      over 3 years ago

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