• What do you say when friends say " but you look so good! "

    Asked by Sugarshine on Monday, October 29, 2012

    What do you say when friends say " but you look so good! "

    Even though you just found out you have a new " spot" on your liver and your CA 19 9 is increasing and you feel like 20 miles of rough road? Do I apologize because I try not to look on the outside like I feel on the inside?

    14 Answers from the Community

    14 answers
    • packerbacker's Avatar

      Sometimes, I have said, "Thank you! I feel pretty good today!" Or, "Thank you! Could be better, but could be worse!" Other times I have just said thank you. It all depends on just who it is and how much detail you feel like going in to about how you are really feeling. If I'm not feeling very well, usually I'm at home; otherwise, I go with the could be better one. I hope you find what works for you!

      over 8 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      I say thank you. I think you are reading too much into their comment. It is sort of like 'have a nice day' and really doesn't require a response other than 'thank you, likewise'.

      over 8 years ago
    • Queen_Tatiana's Avatar

      I think people say this because it's something to say that is 1) nice and 2) doesn't require a response. People say this to my husband when it is clearly not the case, but he doesn't take offense, in fact he likes being told he looks good even when he knows he doesn't. Again, I don't believe anyone says this other than to say something.

      over 8 years ago
    • Lirasgirl33's Avatar

      I just say "Thank you" and smile. There are only a few that have seen the physical and emotional hardships I have to go through. Unfortunately, these selected few are those closest to my heart and it does suck that they have to witness this, since I know they hurt seeing me at my low points. Not everyone will see me in pain, crying, etc.....but that's ok. I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I will continue to keep my head up and my best face forward as much as possible, for myself, and for those I love.

      over 8 years ago
    • Onoi11's Avatar

      I hear that "look good" comment quite frequently. Given the gravity of the type of cancer i have, I think my friends are simply surprised I don't look like I'm at death's door. Holding a steady weight helps, but it's a challenge.

      over 8 years ago
    • cancervivor's Avatar

      I have heard both ways, I have had the same as you describe," well you look pretty good". And then when I had lost 45# and lost my hair, you could see the cracks in my skull, I had people that would say, "Man, what happened to you?" One guy once even said, "well I'll be.... I heard you died"! HA! that was a good one.

      I agree with the others, it's something nice to say, we have all been faced with needing to spit something out to someone, and just didn't know what to say.

      over 8 years ago
    • nobrand's Avatar

      Sugarshine, I have looked like an utter mess and people have still told me I look good. People are such polite little liars, I've just started believing them and just saying thanks!

      Everyone is looking for signs that you are feeling better.. it's almost like a secret hope. Because many of your symptoms are invisible and easily masked with a simple smile, it's easy for people to assume you are feeling better! It's a conundrum!

      over 8 years ago
    • Nancebeth's Avatar

      People said that to me pretty much throughout my whole series of surgery and treatments. They would say "you don't even look sick!" To me, that's not really a compliment but I thank them anyway.
      I did not lose any weight during chemo, in fact, I gained 10 pounds. I ran a summer camp and I tan easily, so even though I slathered on the sunscreen, I always had a healthy color.
      I maintained as normal a lifestyle as I could which made it hard for people to believe that what I was going through was really wreaking havoc on my body and mind.
      So, I just took it as a compliment and said Thank You.
      Never apologize for being you!

      over 8 years ago
    • FreeBird's Avatar

      all the gross looking stuff is on the inside. If you have ten grand, you can take a look at it too.

      over 8 years ago
    • Sugarshine's Avatar

      Thanks for all the responses. I am sorry was just having a small pity party because of the nature of the beast with its ups and downs. Normally you are right and I would mark it down to social niceties of just trying to say something nice. I am learning this beast has more curve balls, ups and downs, and ins and outs than I had any idea of. Thanks for being here and giving all of us a forum to safely vent without hurting all of our support angels who are going above and beyond all expectations.

      over 8 years ago
    • HeidiJo's Avatar

      OMG! Thank you for bringing that up. Some of the things people would say through out my treatment would irritate me to no end. Like "It's no big deal, it could be worse" or " Are you STILL tired?" But looking back, I think people are often at a loss for what to say, especially if they haven't gone through it themselves.

      over 8 years ago
    • po18guy's Avatar

      I ask them, "Well, what did i look like back during chemo?" The usual response is a downward glance and shuffling feet.
      Really, I just say "thanks" and blow the rest of it off, as I have said the same thing to cancer patients earlier in my life.

      over 8 years ago
    • Onoi11's Avatar

      Let's face it. It is difficult for anyone to know what to say to someone with a life threatening illness. I judge words by the obvious good intentions behind them. When people don't say anything to me about how fabulous I look, I assume the worst, lol!

      over 8 years ago
    • Toops' Avatar

      Sometimes I find it frustrating. Therefore I use this line often. It's a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. It seems to sum it up.

      over 8 years ago

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