• What If

    Asked by Jalemans on Sunday, June 29, 2014

    What If

    This isn't really a question, it is just a worry that I have. If I try to share with family/friends, they will tell me to stop talking or thinking like that. I have an 8 yo grandson who lives with us. His mother is having some mental health issues which she doesn't recognize & his father ( they're divorced) has no contact with him. We have temporary custody, which probably won't change. He has ASD & ADHD.

    He is a handful and it takes us both to keep things together. His mom doesn't see him much anymore & we cannot count on her to actually show up if we ask her. It has been difficult. His school is about 20 miles & we have to transport him plus he has therapies. I am not complaining just stating the facts. He is smart & with continued support I think he can grow up and have a good life.

    I am worried about taking care of him when I get sick from chemo. Most of all I am worried about what will happen to him if I die!

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      It's hard to say exactly how you will be affected by the treatments. We all tend to take them differently. Some people take it and never miss a beat, others are having to have someone take care of them and wouldn't be able to take care of anyone else. I would start calling in some friends and relatives for support. Let them know that you may need a hand until you get past this. If you don't have any friends or relatives ask your church and the social worker at your treatment facility. I wish you the best.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Cheryl2's Avatar

      Greg has given some good advice. You are not alone in this. We have adopted our grandson. He was 11 when I was diagnosed. Our daughter helped some, but she is unwilling to take the grandson (not her son). Several people from our church offered to help with him. Before my surgery, I had him learn to do the laundry and some simple cooking so he could feel like he was helping. I did not have additional treatment after the surgery.

      almost 5 years ago
    • cllinda's Avatar

      I agree with Greg. See if meals can be provided by your church.

      It is ok to worry about cancer and the treatments you are about to undergo. And that you have a young child to take care of. Try to find help now before things begin, so that a routine is in place for when your treatments start.

      Good luck and I hope things go good for you. Each of us reacts differently, so maybe you will be one of the lucky ones and can just take the treatments and continue doing all you can do.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Jalemans' Avatar

      Thanks for the advice. Would you guys spurn me if I told you that I no longer belong to a church? I do believe in God & all. Anyway, Matthew has autism & isn't ready to use the stove or washer, but some day he will be. I think I will be able to muddle through for the time being. I will just have to hope that if I have to leave him someone will help.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Lynne-I-Am's Avatar

      Sounds like you have a good heart and are a loving grandmother. I would seriously consider the possibility of hiring someone part time to help with the care of your grandson while you undergo chemo.One frequent side effect of chemo is fatigue,this only increases with each treatment since chemo is cumulative. Even though there may never be a need it is comforting to know that your grandson will be well cared for in the future.Are their relatives or very good friends that are willing to help with this,perhaps become godparents to the child.People sometimes surprise you when help is needed.Wishing you better days ahead .Let us know how you are doing.Take care.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Janetspringer's Avatar

      With asd, you would want to set up your support system soon so your grandson can get used to the changes. Check with local churches for Evening Stars. It is an organization that offers respite nights,, but also has support in other ways. There are many organizations that offer support. One that comes to mind is Autism Speaks. You are in my prayers.

      almost 5 years ago
    • cam32505's Avatar

      ACS has a camp for children of cancer patients. You might want to inquire about that. That would give you a week break to recover from your treatments. Also, if you're worried about what will happen if you don't survive your cancer, you should seek alternate arrangements while you're well enough to do so (and prepare him as well). I had a friend whose family adopted 2 children of a single mother of 8 children who died from cancer. She found 4 families each willing to take 2 children so that each of her children would still have a sibling. My friend's family already had 7 children, so taking in 2 children was a burden for them, but a blessing for the mother who was losing her cancer battle. There are many blessed people who would be more than willing to help out. Ask the social worker at your cancer center for help.

      almost 5 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar

      I agree with Janetspringer I have a friend who is involved with Autism Speaks. They have been a great help to his grandson. Also many churches do not question if your of their faith or not they offer their services to all. There are also advocacy groups for the disabled.(yes autism is considered a disability) these groups can get you to lawyers who can help you with guardianship issues.. Are there any social workers associated with your Medical Center They can be a great help.

      almost 5 years ago

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